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My family... the jerks. My family... the jerks.

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Unread 04-14-2010, 09:35 AM
My family... the jerks.

So I told my family last night. As expected, nothing. No "You'll pull through." Not a single "If you need me, I'm just a phone call away." Nada.

Instead I heard "And you're -crying- about this??" and "It's not like you weren't expecting this to happen." and "You've already got four kids, why the hell would you want your uterus anyways?" or, my "favorite", "So? What the hell do you expect -me- to do about it?"


Seriously. I'm there EVERY TIME something goes wrong for them.

So why can't they be there for me?

Why am I expected to do this by myself?

The only thing I can say is "Screw 'em."

No more. I'm just not going to deal with them for a while. I have to take care of myself. I just don't care about their problems right now. I'm important too.
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Unread 04-14-2010, 02:31 PM
Re: My family... the jerks.

I am sorry that your family is treating you this way. When I had my surgery, my family was divorced. Dad remarrying and my mom/dad didn't get along. The new girlfriend and my mom got into a fight in the hospital....actually blaming me.

I dont know why families treat each other this way. I say just try to hold your head up high. It is normal to be crying. Your body has been through tremendous change and stress. Please let out all your emotions.
Unread 04-14-2010, 02:38 PM
Re: My family... the jerks.

Believe me, my thoughts are with you. It is just amazing how people can virtually disappear when you need them.. emotionally and physically disappear. Do whatever you need to get through this. Pre-make meals, get your house in order, read the HysterSister pre-op checkpoints to make sure you have everything set up and purchased, hire someone to do housework after surgery if you need to. Remember, you are number one priority... Know that we are here when you need us.Take care. Your HysterSister in Spokane
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Unread 04-14-2010, 03:03 PM
Re: My family... the jerks.


I'm so sorry that you're not getting the support that you deserve from your family. If you're anything like me it hurts even more because you go out of your way to do everything you can for others when they need you...sounds like that's the case.

It was expressed to me by a family member (after a great deal of denial that this was even happening) that it's "not a big deal" and "you'll be fine." Really?? Some people don't have any empathic response whatsoever.

It sounds like you're on the right track...focus on yourself for once and do what you need to do to be happy and healthy. Hopefully, they'll eventually come around. Do you have friends that can provide you with support? I've come to find that sometimes friends are the family you need in times like these.

We're here for you....
Unread 04-14-2010, 03:09 PM
Re: My family... the jerks.

I am so sorry to hear how hurtful your family is being. There is absolute truth to, "You always hurt the ones you love."

Like many others have said, your number one priority is you. I hope for you that they will come around and be supportive, but if not, I hope that you will find others to fill in the gap.

Unread 04-16-2010, 08:38 PM
Re: My family... the jerks.

boy can i identify with this post - my road to my hysterectomy was sudden and fast - discovered a large cyst on one ovary and enlarged uterus in february and had the TH and BSO on the 26th of march.

the scary part was there was no way to know if there was cancer till the cyst came out. tried to discuss the fears with my only sister and was told "there is nothing you can do about it so just don't think about it" that was the end of any discussion she would have with me. then when i found out i had to be at the hospital at 5:30 am and asked her if she would be the one to take me - got a lot of hemming and hawing and no she was not the one to take me in. and then when i found out afterward that there was no Ca - her response was "see- you wasted all that time worrying"

i was lucky - my friends and believe it or not my sisters in law were able to listen to my fears and talk to me when i needed to have some support. i had to accept that i come from a family that ignores the elephant in the room and find support elsewhere. i really hope you have friends who can support you and the support/information on this site is amazing - only wish i had found it before the surgery
Unread 04-18-2010, 03:37 PM
Re: My family... the jerks.

I'm so sorry you got that response from your family, just when you most need kindness, support, and your friends and family to be there for you.

I got a sudden and shocking endometrial cancer diagnosis, which required a total hysterectomy, and when I called to tell my parents, my mom said, "What have you been DOING?" It was no fun getting a remark like that at such a time. They were both terribly upset and stunned by the news, and they did their best to get it together and help me once they'd had time to process it. I hope your family will end up coming through for you, but you do sound like an incredibly strong person and I believe you will be able to take incredible care of yourself through all of this.

I wish you all the best, and send you hugs and much kindness.

Take care, my dear.
Unread 04-19-2010, 06:05 AM
Re: My family... the jerks.

So sorry you're dealing with this.

I think that so many surgeries have become less and less of a big deal physically (shorter hospital stays, etc.) that it's easy to forget that surgery is still a "big deal" to the person having the operation. Add to this the emotional side of a hysterectomy...

I also got those comments like "Good riddance. You're done with it anyway, right?" At first I was really angry, but as time went on I realized that they were really trying to help. They thought they were helping me be less worried about the whole thing.

There's no way you're going to persuade them that this is as important as you think it should be. Either they'll come around to reality or they won't... so I hope you do have some supportive friends or family to help you through this time. If not, then your (((sisters))) are here for you 24/7. :teaport:

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