I am soooo scarred out of my mind

I posted on here a couple of days ago, I am scheduled to have a total adominial hysterectomy on May18th. I am 40 years old. I never had children because 8 years ago, I had a pap smear that showed bad cells that would probably lead to cancer if I got pregnant. Now I have hyperplasia in my utereus to and two failed d&Cs. I am very very upset. I feel like nobody understands, except the people on this board. All of my friends have children, I just feel like they don't even want to bother with me. I just don't fit it. Now that I am going for surgery, I guess it is coming full circle for me. I broke out in tears today when I went to Kohls, and saw this adorable little baby girl. I just feel so alone right now. For the past few days, all I have done is cry my eyes out. I am already on antidepressants. I just feel like I am at the bottom of the pit. Please let me know it is going to get better after this. I got laid off from my job, because I was constantly sick, with dealing with failed d&cs

Oh dear, lots of hugs for you. Let yourself feel these things. they are more than expected and normal.

You will be in my prayers.

one step at a time ......you are going through the chain of emotions ..... things will all work out ....this is the place for you to be ....you will find someone on here that has a similar story ,im sure very soon ....you are still young
dreams can come true ...... the reality of that little girl can come true if you want it to ( adoption)
take care of yourself , get yourself healthy and things will all fall into place
i will keep you in my prayers .....

Awww...I am sorry you are having a bad day. I too am 40 and don't have any children but I do love them. To fill that void for me, I enjoy all my friends' children.

Be assured you are not alone in how you feel. We all can relate and understand how you feel.

Hang in there.

I feel for you, I can tell you from my experience. I'm 43 no children, years ago, I went through this because I had to have novasure done to stop my horrible periods. age wise, I would be able to have children but I was always bleeding & sex was not on my list of things to do.

It wore on my emotions, I couldn't go with my mom to mother daughter banquets because I ran out on one, the lady got up & started talking about being a mother & I knew that just wasn't happening for me & my husband and we were trying so, I just couldn't take it & left. I don't know if I scared the church or what but now they call it "ladies tea" they don't do the youngest baby anymore.

I don't know about you but for me, I kept going back & forth the decision to do the procedure would mean no children & when my girlfriend was talking about aborting her child because of her marriage, I told her how badly I wanted a child & I'd take her baby. She kept the baby & thanked me later.

Once the novasure was done & I had to have a tubal. the decision is done, there is nothing to question, no more debating. It did give me a peace. It was hard to see babies, but when they start screaming, it's not as hard. LOL

Enjoy other people children & remember you can give them back. There are benefits. No sitters, your free to shop & relax, when you're not well, you can take the time to get well, no pushing to over do becasue of others.

I'm getting a puppy next week. that will help too.

I do feel for you & I do understand. I did volenteer at church to help with the children. It made me feel more like a grandma though. They are excited to see you, I was excited to see them. After I gave them back, I was so tired I don't see where those people get the strength to deal with children all day.

Lots of love going your way
diane

My heart breaks for you....it is difficult. I do STRONGLY believe that Kohl's is a good place for recovery though....Just stay away from the kids section....I never understand why every store needs to have a freaking kids section anyway. They need infertile restaurants, stores, doctors, dentists, car repair, hair salons, etc. That way we'd never have to see baby stuff. Tongue in cheek of course, but some days I wish that was true.

Hugs. I am 44 and never got pregnant. I thought I had come to terms with not having a child, but as my surgery got closer the emotions started and after my surgery they were bouncing off the walls. I am feeling much better now. It can get rough but try to let yourself go through the emotional healing process. And talk to your doctor about it, that is what helped me most.

LoveBeagles -

You are dealing with so much right now.

I can relate to your pain and it can be ferocious. The tears will come and go over time.

I have 2 saving graces at the time, one is my counsellor who has helped me through a lot of different things. The second is my great nieces and great nephews. There are some real lovers in the group and over the past year and a half I've been able to create some special relationships with them.

You may want to talk to someone to give you support during this time and you might need an up in the anti-depressants. Talk to your Dr.

Sending

G.

*HUGS* I am so sorry sweetie!

I am so sorry for you, but there are many children in this world without parents and you would make a very loving one. I was just watching Joyce Meyers Ministry on tv this morning and she had a show on the after effect of Hatti, there are so many babies and children whose parents perished in the earth quake they have no one. Maybe that's how God works, you could be a blessing to them. God be with you on making that decision.