Got the pathology report back on my uterus...(children mentioned)

Apparently the inside of it was covered with fibroids that were not ever visible on u/s, but made it bumpy all over the inside. Additionally, I had a severe case of adenomyosis, which we suspected. Part of me feels really sad because the cause of infertility is finally explained-- implantation would have been virtually impossible with all those fibroids. It also means that the only definitive treatment for my problem was a hysterectomy so I did the "right" thing. But somehow finding out how diseased my uterus and how we really never had a chance to have another baby, even with IVF, has somehow been disturbing and made me really sad, even though it was the right thing. I don't know why it made me sad, but it did.

Amy

Maybe your feelings of sadness are because you feel like your "uterus" somehow failed you.

You said "another" baby, does that mean that you have a child?

I am sorry you are sad...sending you a big hug.

((HUGS)) to you Amy. I felt sad after learning my uterus was very... "defective"... so-to-speak. I felt like I needed some time to mourn what could have been if that makes sense. I think that it is totally normal to feel that way. I am sorry you are having a hard time right now. Thinking of you!!

Thanks to both of you for responding. I'm definitely mourning the loss of my uterus and feeling upset at its defectiveness. I have lupus so I should be used to my body fighting against me, but this feels like a pretty profound failure. My husband I have been married 13 and 1/2 years and were able to conceive once and have one biological child who is almost ten and one adopted child who just turned six, so I know we've been abundantly blessed. I guess my body failing me in another, very personal way has triggered more grief than I thought.

Thanks again,
Amy

I understand. I have three children and feel very blessed in that area, though it was difficult to have them (fertility treatments did work). I am very tired of people who think that because you have children you should not be upset about having a hysterectomy or.. my fave "lucky you... you won't have any more periods". No one ever talks about the grief you feel with this... and with not being able to get pregnant for that matter. It is very hard. Mine has gotten easier (7 months post-op now) so I will be praying yours will get better as well.

It has helped me to find things my body "can" do. Yoga is one for me... I also love running. Having a positive outlet for the stress of it has been good. I also get to see my body can accomplish something... even if it has "failed" me in other areas. Obviously you need more time to heal physically but I just thought I would share what has helped me.

I also have a good friend who has had a hyst about 6 months before mine so bouncing ideas and feeling off of hers has helped as well.

I think it is a feeling that is just there. I was past the child bearing point when I had my TAH, but I still had those feelings. I went through a wide range of thoughts and emotions after mine. Hang in there it gets better as time goes on.....you just get more thoughts, feelings and emotions!!!!

It's great to be able to come here and read others stories from beginning to end. It sheds a lot of light on things.

This really touched me. thank you for sharing, Amy. I am just starting on my journey to hyster- still not scheduled yet. I had a miscarriage just about 2.5 months ago and although we didn't plan on more children I do feel that I am in a deep state of mourning that I just can't share with anyone. My cousin is my age (41) and is now pg and a neighbor is also pg. My 39 yr old sister just had her 4th. I am jealous. I am in pain and my body has destroyed my last chance for another baby.

I feel that part of my mourning is about the "betrayal" of my body in me - and the betraying part is something I "trusted" all of my life. I'm not sure this makes any sense...

Just found out yesterday after my 2nd opinion that I need a hysterectomy due to massive fibroidsthat are affecting my health. My initial UFE (2 yrs ago) didn't work. I know how you feel, I have one son and always wanted more. I knew that, most likely wasn't possible because of UFE, but you always hope. Now it's final, and I'm sad too. I think that loril7 is right, "The feeling is just there." Maybe because of the way our bodies (as women) are wired. You did do the right thing, when it come to your health there is no choice. God never closes a door without opening a window.

Hi Amy,

Just wanted to offer you my support, as I know how you are feeling. At my post-op appointment I (for some reason) started to question my decision when my surgeon told me not to go there. He put his hand on my shoulder and said that my uterus was "highly abnormal." I'll never forget that. It didn't make me feel any better or any worse...it just is what it is I guess. Although the emotional backlash can be difficult, I hope that you will experience a better quality of life for having made this decision.

Best of luck to you!