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Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

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Unread 07-26-2010, 10:38 PM
Unhappy - Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

I just need to vent.

Our 21 year old dropped out of school, moved back home and will not get a job or go back to school. He has been driving us nuts. We don't mind helping him but we expect him to look for a job, clean up after himself and treat us with respect. It has been bumpy to say the least.

I am 4 weeks post-op for TOT & 3 weeks post-op for TVH & LVR. Last thing I need is added stress from him.

My husband travels every week and he gets really angry when home drama reaches him on his trips so I can't really go to him for help.

Every single time he leaves our son blows up at me, gets moody, acts like a jerk or whatever. We had a long sit down with him a couple weeks ago about his behavior and he agreed to behave.

Today he blew up again and left without a word. First time for that one. I am totally stressed about it all. I just want peace in my home and focus on getting well. I can't handle the fighting anymore but also don't want my son to be a moocher off someone else.

Our daughter puts us through the ringer this past year and a half and quite frankly am tired. I just want to curl up and cry but I just don't have it in me.

Adult children have got to be the hardest to deal with. Teenage years with them were nothing compared to this!
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Unread 07-27-2010, 03:07 PM
Re: Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

aww! Sorry your children are being so difficult!! (It sure makes me feel thankful my little guy hasn't started talking yet.) I hope you are able to find some peace and quiet, and be able to heal without all of the stress. xoxo
Unread 07-27-2010, 03:41 PM
Re: Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

Pray and command peace in your're not alone and my thoughts and prayers are with you...may ABUNDANT PEACE be yours today and everyday
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Unread 08-05-2010, 12:12 PM
Re: Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

Thank you so much for the support. The boy finally showed up at his grandparents house and he says he is staying there for good. We still don't know what the real reason for leaving. He says that our 'opulent' lifestyle was causing him to be unmotivated to do anything with his life (whatever- we are a normal middle income family). What I think is that he got mad and was tired of us riding him to get a job or go back to school and quit running around with his friends, playing xbox and just basically wasting his life. The grandparents won't communicate with us about the situation. They really can't really afford to take on another person to support but if they want to do it- go right ahead!
Unread 08-05-2010, 01:05 PM
Re: Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

had the same thing with my son who just graduated from high school so i waited until he ran out of money and when he came moaning i gave him a list of jobs with how much i would pay for each one and calmly told him the bank of mummy closed on graduation day. he wasnt the only one who graduated i graduated from being his full time support network. From graduation on you get medical and dental insurance until you are 23 and as for cash I only help those kids who help them selves. Got a call this morning he starts work this weekend. Unfortunately you are only as happy as your unhappiest child. let him stew at grandparents and since you know hes safe have a 'stroppy child' holiday, go love up your husband ( I know outercourse only!!!) and dont contact him. When he ready to change his life your ready to suport him but until then ignore him.
Unread 08-05-2010, 01:21 PM
Re: Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

We went through a hard time with one of our daughters about 4 years ago. It escalated to the point that we finally had to take her house key away. She had to reach bottom by herself before she would start climbing but she did climb. She is now a happy wife and mother living about 2 hours away from us. She has thanked us several times since then for the tough love we gave her. If we had not stopped taking her in she would probably still be here. Just food for thought.....try to enjoy the alone time and concentrate on your recovery. I'm praying for you.

Unread 08-06-2010, 04:49 PM
Re: Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

It seems like most folks go through the same thing with their adult children. Most of our neighbors have never had children so I can't really talk to them about it. I am one friend in particular that keeps telling us to just lock him out and let him suffer but he is my kid and I can't quite do that to him. I decided to respond the next time with- would you take pet advice from someone who has never owned a pet?

I had no idea the grandparents would be willing to take him in like this. They wouldn't even let my brother in law move back in a couple of years ago when he divorced and did not have a place to live and no money.

The boy texted me today and said he was coming over to talk tomorrow. Makes me wonder what the heck he is going to say this time!
Unread 08-06-2010, 08:17 PM
Re: Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

My first thought was that you should change the lock on the door so that he has to knock when he comes over. LOL But really.

Adult kids can be so tough! If he does want to move back in, and you let him, maybe you shouldn't do anything for him. After all, he should be doing stuff for you during your recovery. If you're feeling particularly courageous, cancel or put a timer lock on tv/internet and sell the xbox (you know, like you would with an unruly 13 year old). $5 gas money to get to job interviews only.

I think 21 is so hard to parent - they're totally grown up and independent except when they don't want to be. When they're making completely stupid decisions, they don't want to hear it from us. I wouldn't worry about him mouching off of anyone else - he can try it and he'll learn.

Take care of yourself. Peace. Hugs.
Unread 08-06-2010, 08:33 PM
Re: Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

I have a 20 and a 15 yo daughter and we had a major blowout and 20 thinks we can't boss her around anymore and the 15 yo does not want to take us seriously since her sister does not have the same rules.
I told them they both live under our roof with our monetary and emotional support and I expect respect and help when asked.
Of course for a few days that works and then they slip. I think they have had it easy and take us for granted. My upbringing was different so I think it is hard to understand their viewpoint since I think they have it better than I did.

Overall I am still recuperating from my two surgeries 10 weeks ago and am back to work and need peace and less stress at home. I understand how stressful it is to parent them as they get older.
When they were little there were more rewards for parenting and now
they are few and far between.
Unread 08-06-2010, 09:19 PM
Re: Dealing with stress from adult children- 3 weeks post-op

i really suggest you meet him at a local cafe rather than at home, he will behave ( and listen) much better in a public place.

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