LAVH: Surgery 8/27... can't stop thinking about it

I am so glad that I found this site, and it has been so helpful to get me ready for my surgery, and to also know that I need to talk to my husband about my fears with the surgery. So, why do I feel more stressed and more scared about the surgery now?

I think about the surgery constantly, seriously! I had a dream last night about the surgery, and while it was an okay dream (other than I drove myself home with all three of my kids alone!) I am still afraid of the bad dreams that might come. Are these feelings normal, or am I obsessing? I am so scared that I'm going to be in a ton of pain, and that I'm barely going to be able to move in that first week post-op especially.

The good thing right now, though, is that my husband is being so understanding. My fears, I have found, are his fears too. Our plan was to have my tubes tied, because we know we are done having kids. I had an abnormal pap (again, ugh!), and that's when the talk of the hysterectomy came up. Why keep a cervix that is "defective"? I hate all the biopsies, the LEEPS, all of that crap. They are so painful for me for some reason. I would rather do the hysterectomy now then find out after I get my tubes tied that my severe dysplasia has now turned into cancer. So, take out the chance now, I was having surgery anyway! So, with it being mostly my choice, why I am I still scared to death? Even when I hear "It's going to be okay", I still have all of those what-ifs that nobody can answer for me. Sorry for the vent, just had a bunch of feelings building this morning that I had to let out!

Jennifer

Jennifer-
What you are experiencing is normal. This is major surgery, and of course you feel uncertain- it's a trauma to your soul and body! Beyond any logic of the fact that it is your choice, it's still a very, very vulnerable situation to be in, and I needed to honor myself and the "smaller" part of me that was frightened. I had to wait 3 months after my pre-cancerous diagnosis before my surgery because I insisted on getting the right doctor to do the procedure the way I needed despite popular opinion, and it was hell, frankly- the waiting. I was distracted and it was running in the back of my mind, all the time. I was that way up until about a couple of days before, when I was more "ready." Meaning, I had done everything I could do from cleaning my house from top to bottom, buying scar gel for and healing homeopathics for after, setting up my recovery area at home, sending out e-mails to people I knew cared saying that I was concerned, etc, plus talking about it and expressing all my feelings. I took it very, very seriously, and anyone that didn't, I didn't need around. I also had a very understanding boyfriend who spent the night in the hospital, but I was very vocal about any fears or questions I had. I am a very strong woman, and the surgery was not my choice as I had no symptoms at all, but I had had bad experiences in the hospital before, so really, really needed to take care of myself. Mostly, I posted on here and got support, which was the very best thing.

This is not a logical situation. Please be kind to yourself and have compassion for what you are going to do. It's not black and white, it can be frightening. There is no macho in hysterectomy!

You never, ever need to be sorry for venting on this site! Please take care and I wish you the best in your recovery.

I am 3 weeks post op and I was totally obsessed and a nervous wreck for several weeks prior...scared that I wasn't going to make it...well I did and everything is going well. The first couple of days are the hardest, but pain meds help with that. The anexity beforehand and the gas pain afterwards is the worst part of it all....take gas meds and WALK!! and you will do great.

I am 5 1/2 months post op and felt the same way your are feeling now. I was found this site in January and wasn't having surgery until March. I was on here every day and some times I would get on a work when I was really stressing.

My recovery has been easier. I had very little after pain and actually went on a 9 hours driving trip(dh drove) at 1 week post to spend 10 days watching my son's college baseball team. I made out fine.

Iam so glad I had my surgery.

Thank you so much for responding! I started thinking that I was going crazy! The more I look at other threads and see that there are women out there that are going through the exact same thing as me, it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. Sometimes I think that the surgery isn't that necessary for me, just because I don't have the huge issues that I've seen other women having. But, I'm sure that this is the choice for us. Hands down, I'm very content with the choice, but that doesn't make it any easier! Thanks, sisters, and I'm so glad I found all of you, and hopefully after the surgery is over, I will be able to give the same support that you have given me.

I am scheduled for a TAH on August 31st. The choice to have a hysterectomy was more of my own, I have been having very very heavy periods, back aches, cramps but all my test came out good. I have been on birth control pills for almost 2 years and still, no change. My doctor mentioned other procedures that may not be permanent and since I have 4 children and my tubes already tied, I decided that a hysterectomy was the best thing for me. I still think I made the right choice but I am extremely nervous. All I can think about is the surgery and the pain that is said to be associated with it. I know how you are feeling. I actually called my doctor today for something to help me sleep, I lay in bed thinking about it, I wake up several times in the middle of the night thinking about it as well. She gave me some sleep aids to help me get some rest. I was so glad to have found this site,, all the sisters have given great advice and support! I'm sure all will go well and it will be over before we know it