Im a in tears

My boyfriend has been pretty helpful.... well the first weekend after this surgery and kind of from there on out....well he was there for me. Kind of forgetful on a lot of things but he tried. He does live with me.

I started bleeding pretty bad the other day and I have an appointment. I guess I "over did" it but I didnt think I did anything against the rules..... I walked more than I should and I did make myself dinner......

So I am back on bed rest by doctors orders and I am 13 days post op.

So I ask my boyfriend today (via text bc he is at work) if he could please not go to his Kali class tonight. He asked why and I said because "I am just going nuts, in pain, dogs driving me nuts, hungry, still bleeding and because I cant do anything for myself"

He writes back "This is your punishment for not listening to the doctor and taking it easy. I need this class tonight"

I am so mad. Yes I know he hates his job but man! How insensitive to say that. I didnt say anything about him being gone all last weekend helping friends move and going to the movies......

I also want to add that I feel bad asking him for so much all the time. I do not have anyone else here for me when he is not here.
Thanks for letting me rant.

Sorry to read that you are feeling so frustrated and alone. Sometimes people just cannot be there for each other. that is very sad, but you cannot force someone to be tactful or understanding. I am at the other side of the world thinking of you and wishing you well.
annelies

Thank you so much. It alkso doesn't help his best friend committed suicide 2 weeks ago. The day before my surgery. Another reason I felt so bad about asking for help. He has been helpful. I just don't think he realized the amount of help I would need

Also wanted to add he does things for me. Like last night I wanyted ice cream and he went out and got it for me. I asked him to bring my wii and a stocked cooler upstairs for me for today and he never did. Its like he does a lot for me but forgets on the other half of things. Am I over reacting?

I am kind of in the same position as you. My boydriend doesn't live with me but did stay over for about the 1st 2 weeks. In the beginning he was doing everything for me...including helping me shower and putting my socks on. I think as he sees me very slowly doind a little more and more. he thinks I am totally better. It is impossible to get him to mop the hardwood floors or clean the bathroom floor. So I just have to learn to ignore it. The house will get cleaned throughly when I am better~~ that's all.
I had my Mom halping for a while in the beginning with the laundry. But she is 75 yo and has lost use of her right arm, so there is only so much she can do.
I think a reality check for my bf was yesterday when he took me food shopping and I could only walk halfway through the store. After that he was more than helpful when we returned home.
It's sooo important to heal correctly so you don't form adhesions so pleaseee don't do too much! Is there anyway you can set yourself up for the day downstairs?

Sorry to the male species here but Meldiane he seems to just be a typical male to me! They can't multi-task (and that is scientific!) so he has focused on doing one thing for you and forgotten the others. I am sorry he feels that he can't miss his class. Perhaps he could have been more tactful with his message, but try not to read into it too much. From your other posts he sounds like he has been pretty good for you and maybe with his friend taking his life your BF just needs a bit of time out for himself.

Hope you are doing ok. Just remember it is ok to be emotional. You have been through a very big thing

Sorry you're having these issues.

Is there someone who could take the dogs for a night or two? It's awfully hard to care for animals in the early post-op phase. They don't understand that you can't play and walk like normal.

As for your guy, I'm not sure what to say. It sounds to me like both of your are frustrated by your situation, and he had a bad reaction to something. I'm not excusing him -- I'm just saying it's one instance where he probably went a little far and said something that hurts. I know I've been guilty of saying stuff like this to my husband... and it's not because I don't care. It's actually because I DO care that I say those things.

When you're hurting and tired (and you would be hurting and tired even if you hadn't "overdone"), the smallest things -- like tone of voice, volume, etc. -- can get magnified. Hopefully your boyfriend will realize that he hurt you, but if he doesn't, try to work through it. I know he didn't actually have the surgery, but he's probably trying to show concern for you, even if it didn't come off like that.

In the meantime, just take extra good care of yourself. You are a and you need to treat yourself accordingly!

I agree with all these posts..... I think it was just bad timing with everything and him going to his Kali class is his release.... and I took that away from him. He has not had time to grieve since my surgery was the next day. He just doesnt think before he speaks sometimes..... We have been together 4 years and I have never seen him so hostile towards me.

He came home and said "You need anything else? You obviuously need a babysitter"

I was in shock!!! I called him a choice word and started crying....

I called my sister and vented and cried on her shoulder.... all of a sudden he is being really nice to me.... turns out my sister called him and laid into him. Im glad she did.

He is a stubborn man, I am sure I will not get an apology but he will try to make up for it in other ways.

He has NEVER acted like this to me. I think the weight of everything oon his shoulders came out on me.



I hope this passes......

Also let me say, he was COMPLETELY right in saying "I did this to myself" which I did. I am being punished for not resting.... but it came out so wrong.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by meldiane Also let me say, he was COMPLETELY right in saying "I did this to myself" which I did. I am being punished for not resting.... but it came out so wrong.

Exactly... that's what I was getting at, too. He was "right" (technically) but you really didn't need to hear it. You were being tougher on yourself than anyone else could be.

I hope you can get some good tonight and feel much, much better tomorrow.