Im a in tears

	Quote:
Originally Posted by meldiane Thanks but in almost 5 years he has never acted like this....it came out of no where. It was so weird!

I've been married 18 years to my husband and his take on the refrigerator has always been that as long as nothing grabs him and drags him into it....he will never clean it.

When I was going through my testing ahead of mine and we were worried about all the results, etc......I came home to find him working up a sweat cleaning the refrigerator. I mean he was giving it a real scrubbing.

I think it was that he felt he had no control over anything any longer so he found something over which he could have control and went after it!

I will say that guys don't sometimes get our hints so I have learned that if I really need something, I explain it to him by grabbing him by the ears, looking him in the eye, and explaining to him what I need and the ramifications to him if he doesn't make it happen!

I hope you get to feeling better soon....and don't overdo it any more!

with people that never ask for help it can go two ways, when they do need help, people do not see or believe it because you are always the strong one and that image is for once a hindrance, or people are overjoyed at finally being able to return a few favors but they will need to know how badly the help is needed. admitting I need help is the most difficult thing in the world for me,(ask my friends) but melissa, this is a time to do it. 45 minutes is not the other side of the world. my dh drives over two hours to work, and then another two hours back!
and freaking onder the amount of strain the two of you have been under seems to me the most natural thing in the world. maybe you will be doing some of that yourself in the near future, and that also would be normal.
please keep us posted on how you both are doing.

Sorry to hear you are hurting and I hope things are a bit better for you now...do you mind if I ask how old you guys are? I've found myself in a very similar situation - only I don't live with my BF. He has been around for three years and it's also just us as I don't have other supports, most of the time he is VERY good, but when he isn't, sometimes he can be quite mean and definitely forgetful.

I'm really starting to wonder if it's a guy thing, especially since this is a hard thing for them to go through too and they don't really understand it. I think it's partially a feeling of helplessness, they do so much to try and help us by getting us things, carrying us, helping with the pain etc., when they can never really totally understand what we are going through. Maybe he was just a bit frustrated to hear of a setback because it means he is going to have to do more - totally not right - but slightly understandable. Does that make sense?

I know for me, I had a fairly serious complication that put me back in the hospital for five days and set back my recovery...and my BF ended up having to be here helping for much longer than he expected which affected his life quite a bit. He did it, but there were a few rough spots along the way (and probably a few more to come)

Hang in there and don't beat yourself up...it's hard not to do too much...it's not punishment, it doesn't work like that

Hey there MimiM. He's 30 and I'm 29