my heart is just broken

Hi again ladies... I just had the worst week! With only a little over a week till the big day as I'm sure your all aware my nerves are fried, I'm emotional like I've never been before... and what happens? Two days ago my cousin and his wife had a baby, so I struggled through the happy face and congratulations but today my boss (who is also my other cousins husband), tells me "he needs to warn me before I find out from someone else, that they just heard the heart beat of their second child" Are you ******* kidding me!!! How much can I take really now, that did me in, I spent the rest of the day crying quietly at my desk. I just feel so alone and horrible! I want so badly to be happy for them all and I guess in a way I am, but as selfish as it is I'm jealous... what about me... why am I the only one in the family who can't experience the joys of the first heart beat etc. I'm such a mess right now, you would think that after all the years of failed IVF treatments that I couldn't possibly hurt anymore, but my heart is just broken and it all just is too much right now. sorry for the pity party guys, thanks for listening

(((tinypooh35)))

I know exactly how you feel. I had 4 failed IUI's before my lavh/bso. As you know, the fertility treatments alone put your body through so much. Then add the mental games to it (am I pregnant? are my eggs big enough? is the sperm count ok? etc...) and it is more than any one person should ever have to deal with.

It is hard to be happy for other people when you are so frustrated with your own body. At least that was the case for me.

Just remember that you are not alone!

I know exactly how your fell... I had IVF for 10 years and finally became pregnant but lost it at just over 3 months... I had endometriosis and have just had a full hysterectomy.. (a week ago) .. I cried all the way to the theatre. I am divorced now and my boyfriend tries to understand .. but hes not there for me...
You have to be strong... remember you are not alone... try and look forward.. and forget the past. Im hoping i will be a "new woman" after my recovery. :-)

Thank you guys! As much as you wouldn't wish any of this on your worst enemy, it is nice to know your not alone. If I can just get through this last week of work and have the surgery next week then I can begin to heal... finally Thanks again and good luck to both of you