Crying, Hurting, and Itching...

I'll try not to make this too windy but I need to vent a bit.

Remember a few days ago when I said my pain was at a 10 and the meds were only bringing it down to a 6-7. My pain is still like that. Granted, I've been dealing with pain like this sporadically for the past year (almost) but it's just been so bad lately. It's even waking me up at night, which it's NEVER done (I take prescribed medicine to help me sleep at night). My breasts hurt EXTREMELY bad too. I've been using a microwave heat-up thing that gets really hot and applying it right to the pelvic area and it helps it a bit. The doc basically says hey just rest, take your pain meds, your surgery is Friday. Which is right. But it is SO severe. I've only had a few periods this year and it's like my uterus "wants" to bleed so bad but nothing is coming out, if that makes sense? It seriously feels like when I was in labor.

And to top things off, I believe I'm getting a yeast infection! Ugh! I don't get it...I eat yogurt every day!

Hubby has only gotten more distant and unattentive. All he cares about is going tanning and lifting weights. I feel like he's trying to make himself look all great and rub it in my face since I don't look my best, and he knows I used to enjoy doing those things. He has put those things as a top priority over me, as in, if I ask him to help me out and he had planned to do those things, they take precedent. He was upset he had to take our daughter to a birthday party today and be a little late to lift weights because I was in pain....and I haven't even had the surgery yet!

I'm getting increasingly nervous. I'm crying...alot. I was so strong before, but now I'm worried about the anesthesia...everything. And worst of all, I think my husband is becoming increasingly distant because he is starting to devalue me as a woman because of what's about to happen. I'm worried with as selfish as he's been, if something were to happen to me, who would parent my kids without putting themself first.

I've just been laying here all day thinking about it...of course he's been gone...lifting, tanning, and now, watching the Ohio State game, somewhere else. We used to watch them together

Thanks for letting me vent. I just need a little support right now....I'm sure as heck not getting it here at home.

I am so sorry!
It is painful to even think about it, but do you have a plan B?
After surgery it will be weeks before you will be strong enough to do everything by yourself, how about friends and family?
And maybe it would help if you showed your husband the men-section of this site, to make him realise what you are going through, or am I being too optimistic? The surgery and anesthesea itself are really the easiest part of the whole thing, you won't know anything about it because you will be sleeping. sounds silly, but I do mean it. it is the weeks afterwards that you will need all the support you can get, and maybe you will need to talk to friends to make them aware of that. For the other support you can always come here.
I do hope things will go more smoothly than they look at this moment.
annelies

Thank You, Annelies.....I don't know if he would even be open minded enough to look at the men's section here but I will try. As far as friends and family, they will be available by phone, but we just moved last spring and are now an hour away from everyone, so with work schedules and everything, people can't really be up here whenever. My mom will be here the first week, but after that I'm on my own, which is why I hope they don't have to go abdominal...I really need the fastest recovery possible! Thanks for being here

Its good that your mom is coming to help. Know that you are lucky for that. Every minute you spend now brings you another minute closer to it all being over with.
I don't know if this will help but... my husband has constant allergies. I think he's allergic to every plant everywhere. He wakes up with a sinus congestion headache almost every day. I'm at the point with him that I feel like nothing I do or say helps him feel better and I don't want to annoy him. So when he complains about it I mostly don't respond anymore, because what's the point. It's not that I don't love him or don't care, I do. But there's nothing I can do that will help. And that makes me feel helpless. Maybe that's how your husband feels about your pain and so he's just trying to bide his time and stay out of your way until the surgery takes care of it for you.
I hope you don't need the abdominal surgery. You will be surprised how quickly you'll feel better. But don't mistake feeling better for being strong. Rest frequently.

Thank You, Netter65! I appreciate your encouragement I will try and look at it from that perspective!

First thing you need... is a big {{{HUG}}} ♥

I enter the castle in October and my husband seems to think this is going to be as easy as an appendectomy... and those aren't easy, either. I think men have a hard time too... coming to grips with this kind of surgery, Creme. They don't know how to process it... and we do, right!? I honestly think they are really scared and do what they have to do in order to sweep their fears about the unknown under the bed. As frustrating as it is for us, we beg for them to understand, but we just expect them to do so. I'm not saying that's okay, but perhaps he is is just not getting what you truly feel and will truly happen to your body? My husband is used to me being ill and in pain, too. I hate complaining anymore... I know it gets old... but then again, so does my suffering... and yours.

Perhaps sit him down and ask him if he has any questions? Ask him if he's scared? I know my husband won't look at any message board, especially for women. I just think that sometimes we have to give men the benefit of the doubt when it comes to what we feel; especially about this kind of surgery.

I hope things work out with you. Please keep us posted and remember we are always here if you need some shoulders!

My husband was having a hard time processing it too. Then I told him to imagine that a doctor was telling him that he needed to have his entire...ummm..."package" *cut off*. Then when I further compared the BSO to being snorfleed tomcat style (my previous choice of words was reduced to *snorflation* but you get the idea) that finally got his attention.

You've got to speak their language - put it in terms they can relate to. Uterii and ovaries they don't get. Mention having their balls cut off and it really hits home.

Geeze this filters are strict! I cant even use the proper word that describes a male cat/dog being "fixed"!

Oh I am sending CB! I am so sorry for how you are feeling and what you are experiencing right now.

You are going through a lot, both physically and emotionally. And I agree with the other ladies- men usually don't deal with their/others feelings as we would. That doesn't make his behavior right but I do think he is worried about you. Men are so much about solutions and focused on how to take care of their families that when they can't control the situation (ie the surgery) they can check out emotionally.

Can I reassure you that your husband most likely does NOT view you any less of a woman? I bet he doesn't even have a clue that you may be having the feelings you do. As women we are more intuitive and can read people better.

It sounds like you two are close. I think you may want to sit him down and talk to him about how you are feeling AND how he can help you now and after the surgery (solutions here- men seem to respond well to a plan of action.) Your focus needs to be on YOU and your healing and your hubby is a part of that team and process.

I hope I haven't gotten too blunt- it's a sensitive issue. But MY concern is about YOU at this moment.

If you ever need a shoulder we are here and you can pm me anytime you want.

You take good care of yourself CB- YOU are more than worth it!

Cremebrulee,
I first read your entry a few days ago and it almost seemed as though I had written your words myself! Our situations are VERY similar. My surgery is scheduled for 9/16/10.....I chose that date so that I could get the school year started-I'm a high school assistant principal-but the pain has been almost unbearable! Last week I worked several 15 hour days...with not a lot of help from hubby! He has always worked out at least 2 hours a day and gets "upset" when he is asked to stray from "his schedule".....Luckliy, I have my mother and several friends who will be helping me through my recovery (six weeks). I agree w/your doctor...take meds, rest and concentrate on a positive recovery period! I have been trying to take a short walk each day (in the sunshine) after I've taken a pain pill...I think it helps! Good luck w/your surgery!