I fear my dream died sept 9 2010

Hi, I am 37, married,and childless. Unlike All my girlhood friends, I "did it right" I was a virgin till I got married (I was 30). We started trying to get pregnant two years after our marriage. (When we were both stable in our jobs). Two years ago I started bleeding extremely bad. My periods would last up to 20 days at a time, stop for a few days then it would start up again.
Well to make along story short, i have been fighting this for the last 2years. After having the Dr perform a DNC. It was confirmed that I had A typical hyerplasia. The only cure a hysterectomy. During the surgery they had to take my left overy as well becouse the tumor on it was bigger then the overy itself. All my friends and family say is well at least the cancer is gone. No one seams to understand why I am so upset and I find myself crying when I am alone. My husband works as a OTR Longhall driver. He had to go back to work 3days after my discharge from the hospital. He is hurting too i can hear it in his voice but he will not talk about it. If i cry he gets uncomfortable and changes the subject. I just need someone to talk too. I am moarning the loss of my dream of a baby and a family of my own. Please help i am alone with this and just need to talk. Thanks for your time.

I completely understand your mourning and grief. That is just so much to handle. Nothing can make the pain go away now, but it does get easier as time goes. Have you thought about adoption? There is still hope for a family because you are still young. All the best to you.

I am so sorry for your loss, it is overwhelming, I know. I am really glad you found this site, there is a lot of support here, and always someone who will listen to you. You feel alone, that is normal, but you are not alone in this, write to us and read as much as you can on this site, and you may feel less alone, and more connected to other women who know what you are going through. give yourself time, though, do not think this will pass quickly. talk to someone, maybe from church or a counselor or something? rest as much as you can, it will get better!

I am so sorry you are going through that. Come here as much as you can. You are not alone. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but only time will do that. Hubby's are not good at showing their feelings. They tend to put a wall up as a defense. Maybe you could find a nice counselor to talk to for a while just to help you through this. I had to see a pet loss counselor when I lost my parrot of 20+ years & it did help. Not the same but it shows that sometimes we just need a little help. I hope you can adopt too. Your life may have taken this path to put you in a child's path that really needs you. Best wishes to you.

Oh, sweetie, I can feel your heartbreak just reading your words. Your body is still so early in recovery, and that just makes it harder to deal with the emotions you have right now. Grieving takes time, and that's what you're going through.

I have no words of wisdom and I can't make it all better for you, but I hope that our virtual hugs can help just a little.

I'm sending you big .

That is very tough! My sister-in-law had to have a hysterectomy after complications from fertility treatments, and was never able to have a child. She and my brother-in-law have since adopted 2 children they received as infants, and they are very happy. You have to give yourself time to grieve, but adoption is an option to consider. I will keep you in my prayers!

I wish I had words that could fix things, so all I can offer is prayer & condolences. My heart goes out to you.

I understand how you feel I am so sorry I hope thigs get easier for you

"All my friends and family say is well at least the cancer is gone. No one seams to understand why I am so upset and I find myself crying when I am alone. My husband works as a OTR Longhall driver. He had to go back to work 3days after my discharge from the hospital."

{{{HUGS}}}
That's a tough one. It's difficult enough to go through this but not having your husband nearby makes it extra hard. Please reach out to family and friends and talk to them, it does help. And talk to us, there are many wonderful women here who understand.

Please be gentle with yourself, it's been such a short time since your operation. I hope after alittle time has passed, your husband will be able to talk you, talk about other options for a family.

I am so sorry you're going through this. I too am 37 and just had a total hysterectomy on September 7th (2 days before yours).

I'm not married, but I do have an amazing therapist and a little group of very close friends. They've been a big support, and I urge you to reach out to grief counselors or friends while your husband is on the road. Most people will focus on the fact that you beat cancer, but you can always say "yes, and now I'm coping with grief over the loss of very specific dreams I had - having a baby and a family". Good friends, even acquaintances, should understand this immediately (in my experience, they have) and will have kind, supportive words to share with you. Those words can have the power to bring you more perspective and they may even give you an overwhelming feeling that you want to give love back into the world instead of sadness.

On that note, for some reason I have increased my volunteering activities (I was not a major participant in my community before). Nothing world changing - just helping out at a food festival or being an usher at a show I wanted to see. Giving to others has really made me feel better. Maybe, in some way, I'm laying the groundwork for one day adopting or fostering children.

Since I'm generally a upbeat, bold person I'm very reluctant to let on that I'm still so sad - even to myself. I want to be tough and upright and give everyone else a break from this trauma. I went back to work a week early and have been acting like everything's just fine. I can't even cry when I'm alone. It's like I've built an icy wall between my heart/hopes and my mind.

I am genuinely, regularly grateful for the relief I feel now that the cancer is gone. I really am, but I'm sad about not being able to give birth to my own babies.

I also keep thinking about the fact that I'm so close to being 40, and I'm not married, and I'm not really able to take care of an adopted child by myself. It would be so hard.

Anyway, this is a long, rambling post. Just thought I would reach out and share my own experience so far.

Big hug to you. Keep on feeling your feelings as fully as you can! My therapist tells me it's the only way through it all.

iam37