Aching heart after no kids-mentions pregnancy

Hello hystersisters..

I didn't realize that there was a spot on here for grief. I had my hysterectomy almost 2 years ago when I was just shy of 25. My husband and I had tried for 2 years to have a baby. We had just gotten pregnant when I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks along. I was devastated. We later had tons of tests done to try and see what was wrong. Two months to the day I had my surgery. I often ask "why"..did this happen to us..what could we of done different..so many questions to ask. I had no idea that I had endometriosis, until the Dr. woke me up after the surgery and told me what had been done ad why. I try not to dwell on them but it is so hard. I have so many friends who are pregnant..some with twins..some with their 2nd or 3rd child. I just don't know how to deal sometimes. I feel happy for them but then it brings all the hurt and disappointment all at the same time. I am excited about the idea of adoption but I still hurt over the idea that I can not have my own. I will not go through what others do. I feel very alone as far as not being able to..I am the only one out of my friends who can't have kids. I would like to know where to go for support or if anyone has ideas on where to go for a support group or possibly ideas on how to start one. Sorry my entry is so long. I would like to hear from others on how they feel and how they get through. I have weeks where I could cry and not stop and weeks that I feel fine. I almost wonder if sometimes it is depression or just normal grief. Thanks for listening.

I am 47 and had a partial on Monday. I'm unmarried but have wanted children for some time now. It just never happened. I know there is an age difference between us, but I take comfort in my nephews, nieces and godchildren. I love childrend, but have no desire to adopt one at the age I am and doing it alone too. Since you have a husband and you both want children, you should look into adoption or the foster care program. You close friends also need help and support with their children. I know none of this makes up for not having your own children, but if you have love to give, give it to someone who needs it. I couldn't make it without the children in my family. They never leave me out of anything and I know they will be a comfort and a joy to me in my old age. I will keep you in my prayers.

Best wishes to you.

It does help when there is a kid to love that is for sure. We have 4 nieces and one Goddaughter so far. I love spending time with them and caring for them.

I hope your recovery goes well...and quick. I will be praying for you as well Take care of yourself!

You say you hurt over not having your own. Do you still have your ovaries? Have you thought of surrogacy, gestational or traditional? I have used an egg donor as I was more comfortable with a child being related to at least one of the parents and it actually was an easier process than adopting. I know we are talking about a lot of money but I put it into perspective and thought that's what a lot of people would spend just on a car.

I understand how you feel Im 29 and never got to have children I had my hyst on june 30th .. Im goiong thru the same thing surrounded by a ton of pregnant friends some on their 2nd child .. Im happy for them to , but I understand the hurt that you feel when you are around them I feel it to like a combo of sadness regret and jealousy ... just know you are not alone , I wish I had advice that would make it all better but I dont .. sometimes just knowing your not alone can be a comfort

You are right, sometimes you just need to know someone is with you and knows how you feel. Thanks for the support and being there. I will be praying for you through the holiday season.

I am so sorry for your losses. Have a Peaceful Holiday Season and please do something special for yourselves. Thinking of you today.

Aww Thank You!

I will be 40 in a few days. I had a miscarriage in Oct 2006 at about 6-7 weeks. Looking back I guess my fibroids could have been the cause of the miscarriage. I always wanted kids also. At my age I think I am getting to old to adopt or have any of my own. My boyfriend never was sure about having kids. Thankfully, he fully supports my decision and has gone to the doctor appointments with me. I also have lots of kids in my family and kids of friends. My nieces include me in everything they do. Sometimes I make it to events that even their parents don't make it to. Good Luck! You are still young enough to have other options available to you. You and your husband will make the decision that is right for the two of you.