I'm still really angry about my pre-cancer diagnosis!

Hi everyone,

I need to vent a little bit...

I thought that the more I researched, I would get answers to my questions and settle in my mind about having a hysterectomy.

My surgery date is not set yet, but will probably be sometime in September.

I am 54, been in menopause since age 42, been on bio-identical HRT for the past 6 years.

Because I've taken estrogen and built up the lining of the uterus, I have always done cycled bleeds to clean out the uterus and give the lining a rest. That is, until last year.

Last year I had a bozo doctor and he accused me of self-medicating because I was always seeking the lowest estrogen levels and did monthly bleeds. He did an endomentrial BX and all was normal. But, he took me off of HRT cold-turkey. I learned later that going cold-turkey can create excelerated bone loss and stir up massive hot flashes. That is exactly what happened to me.

After 4 months and a new doctor, I went back on HRT, but again she never tested levels and the new doctor never suggested I cycle or anything - so I didn't cycle this time. HUGE MISTAKE...

For the past 7 months I have had an endometrial lining growing with no relief in sight. On June 1, I got another endometrial BX (almost a year later) and this time it is bad news: Complex hyperplasia with atypia (a pre-cancer condition caused by estrogen dominance)

I am so angry at my doctors and I'm angry at myself for listening to them instead of following my own instincts.

For the past month I have changed over to a cancer diet (raw, organic fruits, vegetables and nuts). Now, I am able to finally start reducing the estrogen without the hot flashes. I'm almost totally off the estrogen and I have raised my progesterone dosage. For the past year I have been actively removing environmental estrogens also.

I wish one of my doctors had suggested a diet change years ago... I would never have known about the diet change without my pre-cancer diagnosis. So far that is the only good thing about this diagnosis.

The doctors just think "she's 54, menopause and doesn't need her uterus and ovaries anymore so we will just take them out and this will all be over".

I'm really having to process the anger... I've made an appt with my gyn to see how she would support my hormones post-hysterectomy and that will help me decide if she is going to listen to me and what I think my needs are or if she is just working from some standard plan like my HRT seemed to follow. More than likely I won't be going back to her. But I will still need to deal with osteopenia and vaginal dryness. Maybe the hot flashes will be gone after this is all over... I just don't know.

I'm just so angry and wish this would all go away. I just can't believe that none of these doctors have suggested I change anything. Right now, I am wishing all my aggressive changes would bring a total and complete turn around and another BX would show that I don't need the surgery after all.

I'm concerned that I am really setting myself up for a huge disappointment. I haven't read about anybody turning this diagnosis around permanently. Usually, the diagnosis is changed temporarily for women that want to have another child. Then, the hysterectomy still comes.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

Angry and sad,
Goldnelife

I'm sorry you're dealing with anything related to cancer. I don't know if your HRT caused your pre cancer but I know how hard it is to get HRT Individualized. I hope you find someone you can work with. I think it's hard to deal with cancer and anger around it no matter what the cause, and venting is probably good. This is a good place for venting and getting support. Sending hugs.

GoldenLife -

I am sorry you are going through all of this. These types of diagnoses release all sorts of emotion.

I still have bouts of anger and was just talking to my counsellor recently about "why didn't they tell me" in relationship to changes and things that could have possibly been done to prevent endometrial cancer. His response was that at the time that it would have made a difference it could be that the research indicated causes but there wasn't certainty and now there's certainty.

From my understanding since you were doing cycled bleeds this should have reduced your risk. I don't know if only 7 months of not doing that would have led to complex hyperplasia with atypia that fast. Also all of these are risks and not sure things. I know women who had children (not having children is also a risk) that developed it and in some cases it actually was endometrial cancer before they found it.

You have every right to be angry when you get a diagnosis of pre-cancer or cancer. Unfortunately Drs "practice" medicine since they don't know everything (and as you know different Drs know different things) and technology changes all the time to lead the practice in new directions.

that you find a way to release the anger and that you find the correct course of treatment for you.

Also if you don't know we have a Cancer Concerns forum and you are more than welcome to post there for advice and support. The women there are very supportive and knowledgeable on these conditions.



G

Sounds like no one has really listened to you. You know your body more than any doctor and to me a good doctor listens to their patient's and allows them to participate in decisions about their health. Vent all you need to...Elle

Thanks everyone for the support. Taurus Lady, I will check out the cancer concerns forum. I realize there are many variables and even with the perfect plans, I could have still gotten this diagnosis, but I'll also never know because they weren't really implementing the perfect plan and really didn't want to listen to me.

At this point, I can "practice" on myself, just as good as they are "practicing" on me.

I know the anger is not a good emotion to have as it can block my healing and restoration. I need to forgive them and release the anger so I can draw positive healing energy towards myself.

During surgery, can they test the uterus for cancer and then put it back in if there is no cancer?

I never realized how debilitating the anger can be from a wrong done to me. It can be very consuming. There is an element of revenge to show them that I can turn this diagnosis around even though the surgery will still happen (because that is just how they do it).

I definitely don't feel like I am growing older gracefully. I just wanted to be happy, healthy and vibrant as I age. Instead, I feel tired, angry and wasting my time on un-necessary activities to seek that place of balance with a whole bunch of little nagging issues.

I just want to get this behind me and move forward - in charge of my health decisions from here forward and not give my personal power away ever again to anybody.

This hysterectomy is going to happen, so I just need to pick myself up from this blunder and move forward.

I'll think about it.

Thanks for the support,
Goldenlife

golden

I am so with you. I spent 5 years getting in shape so my 50's would be great.

And than 6 months after my 50th and I had cancer.

Nobody told me certains this were endometrial cancet risks.

I was ticked, so be angry but don't get stuck there.

I was angry too, but what does that do?
I went ahead with the hysterectomy, because I wanted to stop the cancer or stave it off for awhile.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by suziq55 I was angry too, but what does that do? I went ahead with the hysterectomy, because I wanted to stop the cancer or stave it off for awhile.

Sweetie I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I have had my share of Doctors that I personally felt weren't addressing my concerns and it turned out I was right. It sucks when you know your own body but there is someone else trying to tell you differently. I know that anger or feeling hurt can slow down recovery but you must allow yourself to feel these emotions if they are there. It is a very hard decision to have a hysterectomy and it comes with a tidlewave of feelings. Allow yourself to feel them and work through them so you can begin to heal.

It can be very difficult to go through all of the anger, denial, hurt and sadness but trust me, bottling it uo or forcing yourself to "get over it" isn't going to make them go away, it will come back later and be harder to deal with. Keep talking about how you feel and please keep posting. We are all here for you and can help you work through it.
Take care
Tina

Golden

I was watching a research video last night.

It said the heaviest correlations of risks are between being overweight / obese and having regular, uninterrupted cycles over a long time.
Their stats were showing that if you had monthly cycles the lining would build up over time. The progesterone in the birth control reduced the lining and reduced the riskm

Note that it said reduced the risk and not eliminated it.

So be angry, sometimes we do our best and stuff still happens. I am sometimes challenged by the vulerability of life and that we can't control.

Sorry you've been through this! It sounds like it's been extremely frustrating for you. Have you considered seeing a gynecologic oncologist? Since you have a pre-ca diagnosis, seeing a gyn onc may be your best bet so you can get the best treatment possible for the pre-ca.

Hugs to you!