Miserable

Hi everyone,
Im having a really hard time, I had surgery on the 2nd of August left hospital 2 days later after being home a couple of days my mother in law was sick and had to go to hospital. Which meant us going up while she was there. Ive had hardly any rest. Getting help seems to be a problem, went to my local doctor and I have a kidney infection because of the op. Im feeling really down people who said they would help havent including family. My DH has been helping but doesnt seem to get Im not supposed to be doing washing and sweeping Ive ended up doing because it has to get done. Im sorry for talking so long just needed to talk to someone.

Thankyou Suzie xx

So sorry to hear that you're not getting the support you need. Remember, you only have one chance to do this healing the right way. Shame on those that pledged support and bailed on you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you continue on your road to wellness.

Sherri

Oh Suzie I'm sorry your sad and hurting. This is a rough surgery and for me a longer recovery than I thought. I had daVinci on 8-4. You cannot sweep and vacumn. I love a clean house but have had to let it go. My husband goes the best he can but it's dusty and messy. No one can do it like me;-) I am still resting and having cramping. My doctor said this is normal. She said the first 2 months are vital to my recovery. I know it's depressing not being able to do what you want. It makes me crazy too, the evenings are worse. I call the time after 5 my witching hours. Please try to let the mess go, it won't stay that way forever. Warm hugs to you, please rest.

Hi Suzie,

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time getting the support you need. When I ran into that problem I sat down and went thru the articles here and found several related to post op complication and so forth. I printed a few out and left them on my boyfriends computer with a note saying "please read, as of today I am on strike. My most important mission is taking care of me and I will do this with or without the help of you guys. The house, the dishes, the laundry will not get done unless you guys do it so enjoy living in a pig pen, wearing dirty clothes and eating off paper plates, with all my love" Then I went into my room and didn't come out the entire day. It seemed to have worked because they started doing things.

You need to take care of yourself with or without their help. You're body needs to rest in order to heal. I know it's difficult to lay there knowing things have to get done but for your own recovery you can't do many things even if you feel ok. After my rant they did laundry, I folded it. I cooked they cleaned. I dusted but they had to vacuum, sweep or mop. Once I got them to understand it seemed to work out. I just don't think they have a full understanding of the internal healing that has to be done and once they do it's easier to get them to help. Good luck and take care.

Tracy

Suzie, I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Please leave the housework or even consider having a cleaning service come in to help for a few weeks. I am 5 weeks out and just started sweeping and laundry. There was no way I could have done it sooner, there was too much pain.

I find it very strange in circumstances like ours, when we are forced to depend on others... You really find out who your real friends are. I am deeply disappointed with a few of my friends/family and at the same time blown away by the kindness of people I least expected help from. I wish you the best.

I hear you. I'm widowed and live alone. My mother came to stay with me for the first week after surgery, but since then I've been on my own. I had lots of friends promise to help me with whatever I needed, but it's turned out the only one I can count on is my best friend who lives across the street. I feel bad that she has to help me with everything (cleaning the cat's litterbox, getting in groceries, sweeping, laundry) but I'm thankful I have at least one person's help. I'm 16 days post-op and only just starting to be able to manage even light housework.

Do not overdo it this soon after surgery. You could tear stitches or cause more problems. Your recovery is number one and having to live with a slightly dirty house might be the compromise you need. It is sure better than ending up with complications.

I would just not do anything and if things pile up he will have to do something. so sorry you are having a hard time when this is difficult enough. Take care and remember to be good to yourself

Thankyou Ladies for all the support, It has really lifted my spirits. I showed my DH the info for men he read and now hes cooking breakfast. Im wishing everyone a speedy recovery, and again thankyou so much for your support. xxx

Suzie xxx

That is great news. He may not have realized what you needed. As my mom says " I am not a mind reader so unless you speak English and tell me, I can't guess. " And she is right. It works every time.