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Depressed for a while... Depressed for a while...

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Unread 09-02-2011, 05:22 PM
Depressed for a while...

I came to this site like 3 wks ago because my Dr is recommending to get Hysterectomy because he see my uteurus to the right.(Possible Endo has came back).I have problems with my bladder.But before all this..this year has been very emotional because I have been dealing with Incest in my childhood.And I have been going thru therapy and deal with it.
So now Im dealing with my physical pain and its overwhelming.I saw my Psychiatrist(diagnose with Manic depressive in '05) this week and she put me in antidepressive.I been feeling very fatigue, sad,and this emotions that come.Im trying to separate.Put aside my emotional and take care of my physical pain.Next week I see other Dr for second opinion and have to to my last bladder test.At first when Dr said better to do hysterectomy and go in to see if the Endo has came back because of all my symptoms that I have are from when I first was diagnose.The pain gets me depressed. I feel my mind is in a haze cant control it.
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Unread 09-03-2011, 05:35 PM
Re: Depressed for a while...

Dear Heal75,
I am so sorry for your pain. I understand what you're going through. I suffered through endo for 5 years, the last year of which I also developed adenomyosis. During that time I had 4 laps surgeries prior to my hysterectomy. Also during that time, for the two years leading up to my hyster, I was going to counseling to address childhood rape by my babysitter that I never talked to anyone about in my whole life. I was 5 when it happened, multiple times, and 23 before I ever went to counseling about it.
Having endo and all that physical pain played a large part in my deciding to go to counseling to deal with the rape. Between being sexually assaulted as a child and the emotional agony of slowly losing my fertility over those five years of endo, I knew I needed to get some help, therapy from a professional, before I was nothing more than a broken shell of a woman.
It was painful beyond words to try to deal with all that at once. It truly sucked, but I knew I had to do it. Just because other people "broke" me and my body was breaking itself didn't mean that I wanted or was willing to accept being a "broken" person for the rest of my life. I was so down and depressed, but forced myself to harness my inner rage and pain (both emotional and physical) into saying: the H**L with all this crap! Someday I will feel like a whole person.
Well, my dear, I am still battling, but I feel a whole lot better about myself now than I did then. I guess the reason I'm saying all this is to let you know that I'm glad you're in counseling, and I think that it's the best thing for you. It's hard work, and the physical pain of endo makes everything feel worse, but if you're willing to stick with it and not let yourself accept all the "brokenness" that other people and your body have subjected you to, someday you will come through this feeling victorious in ways that will be meaningful to you.
It never goes away, and these issues will always be with us, but over time we can learn how to cope with them so that they don't stop us from moving forward in life and enjoying life for what it has to offer. I'm certainly not perfect or "healed" or happy all the time, but I have accepted myself for who I am and what I am, whether I'm having a good day or a bad one, and that's enough for me.
As for the hysterectomy your doctor is recommending... how do you feel about that? Are you at the point where enough is enough and you are ready for it to be over, or are you feeling more than the usual reservations about this surgery? Don't ever be afraid to get a second opinion from another doctor! I was one of the fortunate women who so far hasn't felt any pain or had any endo symptoms since my hysterectomy five years ago. It can happen. I went to a few doctors though to make sure that the hysterectomy was my absolute last option. I'm 30 years old now, and still struggle deeply with my infertility, but the lessons I learned in counseling have helped tremendously in me getting through this.
I hate for you that you have to deal with all this, and I know that it feels like absolute h**l, but someday you will feel better about yourself. One day at a time, one step at a time, even if all you can do today is hope to hope to feel better tomorrow. Don't stop fighting!

(hugs) -Makai
Unread 09-06-2011, 02:28 PM
Re: Depressed for a while...

Thank you Makai for all those encouragement words.To know Im not alone and that we can talk about this other kind of pain.I got the courgage to start healing from my past. I Confronted the two abusers(uncles).I was very determine and felt strong at the time I did it.But now I feel depressed pain and its very hard.But I go one day at a time.My pain has gotten worst.Im going to see Dr tomorrow I hope I get more info.I can make my decision.

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