Hysterical brother

I just learned last night that my sister might need to undergo an emergency hyster. Her appointment is on Tuesday. She lives out of town so I do not have all of the facts regarding her condition.

My mind is racing and my fears are high. I've been reading postings and info on your website all day! She's not the type of person to ask her doctor a lot of questions even if she doesn't understand so I'm trying to get as much info for her before the appointment. I fear that her doctor will suggest something that may or may not be in her best interest. But what do I know! Just that's she's my older sister and only 34. Isn't that too young to be having a hyster? There's so much to know and learn but she's in pain and not much time. I've printed some of your postings which I thought would be helpful for her and other information which I'll Fed Ex to her. To make it worse, I'm supposed to leave for Europe on Wednesday. Of course I'm wondering if I should cancel my trip and go home instead. My first year not being home for Christmas....and now this!

I'm a mess and I'm not even the one in pain! What can I do for her? She has 2 beautiful daughters (they look just like her). Will she be ok? They need her! We lost our mother at a very young age and I'd die if anything went wrong during the surgery. She lives in Nashville, TN. Is there a support group down there? Although no one in the family has ever had a hyster, they're recommending that she have everything removed. I know she doesn't want any more kids. Is that the right thing?

Help!!!

p.s.

I'm new to your group and tried sending a message earlier. Sorry if this is a duplicate posting

This is a great website - Kudos to the group founders. It's comforting to know there's a place to go for support and questions.

God bless all of you!

What a wonderful brother you are to try to find information to help your sister!

First, it's hard to give specific advice without knowing what her symptoms are, or why she is being recommended for a hyst. The best I can advise there is for her to talk to her doctor about ALL her alternatives, and possibly get a second opinion if she doesn't feel comfortable with her doctor's opinions.

And no, 34 isn't really too young. I was 28 when I had mine. Hysterectomies can occur at any age, depending on the medical needs of the woman.

As far as what you can do for her, she may need some post-op help. Does she have a husband who will help her? Any family living nearby? She will definitely need someone to look after her and her children for at least a week or two after surgery, longer if the children are very young. She won't be able to do any lifting or much physical activity at all for at least 6 weeks.

Please talk to your sister, and ask her if she would like to visit us here. I'm sure we can help with specific questions regarding her options, etc.

Good luck!

Bless your heart darlin, as this sounds like quite an unexpected situation and quite urgent, you are on the right track and definitely in the right place.

If you go to the homepage of this message board, the page where you registered and such about mid-way down you will find some drop down menus. The Ladies in Waiting one will give you a lot of great information as well as questions to pass along for your sister to ask her doctor.

The post op menus will give you/her an idea of what to expect afterwards, though everyone's recovery is quite different.

I imagine there is no right age for any surgery. But the information you can gather here and pass along will help with understanding everything, calming some fears and helping to make decisions.

Cancel your trip? Hmmm, is someone else going to be available to check on her? She'll by no means be a total invalid, however will be quite limited in her activities. I personally would feel quite guilty if my brother canceled a trip for me. I would suspect she'd tell you to go and enjoy.

Good luck to you and your family.

BSQ

Hi Quincy,
This is indeed a great site for women going through this surgery to gain support and information from other ladies who have been through it.

I didn't come across this wonderful group until several months after my surgery, but I have gained so much information and support and made so many great friendships! We are very lucky to live in this day and age of the internet and a wonderful lady named Kathy who made all of this support possible for all of us.

Holiday Hugs,
Maria

I agree, what a great brother! If your sister is single, she will need friends/family/church members to help out at least for a week or two- everyone's pain tolerance is different, but she will not be able to bend over, do ANY housework, drive, cook, etc. for a while. I found several things very helpful when I had my hysterectomy 10-16-01: several pairs of large, loose-fitting drawstring-type pants- men's pj's are great- your tummy swells some after surgery; CHAPSTICK- a must for the hospital; GAS-X tablets- take to the hospital- gas can be really unpleasant post-surgery; a small "tummy pillow"- travel size or child's pillow- to hold on your tummy if you cough, sneeze, etc. and while walking in the initial part of your recovery. You asked @ age/appropriateness of hysterectomy- a woman can need this at any age, I guess- I'm 42, and am SO GLAD I had my surgery- having killer cramps every month was much worse than anything I felt post-surgery. Good luck to your sister, and tell her to try this website- best info around, I think!! Let us know if we can help w/any other info!

Hello Quincy!
All of our family and friends should show as much caring and concern! You may have gathered that hysterectomy, in its many forms, is a very common procedure, that often has very beneficial results. As with any surgery however, there is always risks and potential for complications. Talking to a doctor or two is probably your best source of information. Information you might have gathered here or on the web is good while attempting to put this all into perspective. Ultimately, it is your sisters decision, there is no right or wrong answer...it is whatever she is comfortable with.

Provide her with the information you can gather, encourage her to seek more than one opinion and continue to support her in whatever she decides. There are many options out there.

As this is a Women Helping Women site, we encourage any ladies with hysterectomy concerns to visit here often and we ask that the gentlemen honor its purpose by keeping visits brief so the women that do come here can feel free to seek the support that is so important to them at this time. Perhaps you can find a way for her to access this site? It is often helpful to us women to be able to come here and talk about our experiences and concerns. If that is not an option, you may want to consider the book in the Hyster Sister Store for your sister. It is a collection of ideas, information and posts from these boards.

Keep up your support for you sister in her time of need. It is amazing how much that in itself will make a difference for both of you! All the best to you!

What a great brother you are!

In addition to everything said here already (fantastic advice), you might suggest that your sister get a second opinion. She should at least feel comfortable with knowing 1) What the reason is for the hyst, 2) How it was diagnosed, and with what certainty (test, imaging, wild guess?), and 3) That the surgery can be expected to help the problem. I would also want to know why, if this is the case, the doctor is suggesting removal of her ovaries. Unless there is something wrong with them now, or a strong family history of ovarian cancer, I would sure look into keeping them at her age.

Without knowing what's wrong with your sister, I'll tell you this much. I started having lots of pain, bleeding, etc. at 35, then went through 3 or 4 years of doctors trying to "buy me more time" before actually helping me. I would have been much happier, and much better off, to have gotten the problem taken care of sooner, and gotten on with my life. I know a hyst is major surgery, but it isn't a horrible experience, and if she needs one then she should go right ahead and have it. Just search for "best thing I've ever done", "the waiting was the worst part", "wish I'd done it sooner", and "no regrets", and you'll fine woman after woman who are healthier, free of constant pain, and enjoying life.

Best of luck, and good for you for helping her out.

I am 29 and just had my hyst on 11/14. I live in Memphis, but I know that there are several women on this site that live in and around Nashville. You or sis can find some of them by clicking on Hyster Systers forums on the top of this page and then clicking on the Systers around the Country (something like that anyway) then click on Tennessee. Maybe they have the same doc or can refer her to one that they trust. Hope all goes well for her.

Rachel