DH makes it worse

Why is it so hard for my DH to be patient for even a minute???
He did NO preparing for the surgery. Now he is stressing out because he is trying to finish 'his' Christmas' shopping and preparations. I finished mine before the surgery...he went hunting for 5 days. He did not discuss anything with the neighbors to see if they could help me keep an eye on the kids in the evening, he did not make any arrangements for meals...NO preparations. I did all I could, but I hurt so bad before the surgery that I stayed in and close to the bathroom as much as possible...
Anyway I got mad (hormones partially responsible??) tonight because he made it a point to mention a CD I had forgotten to find for him for the Cub Scout meeting tonight. We ended up fighting...he yelled and then yelled to my son that they are going to quit scouts! I jumped up and told my son "hey, I am well...Guess Mom will take you to your Christmas meeting!!" And I RAN (as much as physically possible) up the stairs to get clothes.
Hubby yelled and so on and so on some more..he says he just can't handle the stress of me being 'on' him to get things done. (Trade him places any day...). Things are pretty much okay when I am alone with the, but he just seems to be so 'put out' to help me that it really makes me mad and hurt. Then he swears he is doing sooo much.
SO, now I am hurting, and my incision..which was already draining clear with a little pus... is draining red in about a 1 to 1 1/2 inch area.
Teen daughter is itching and has blisters around waist....pretty sure it is shingles. I feel helpless that I haven't gotten her care, yet and hubby keeps griping at her for not getting enough done...She feels pretty rotten right now, too.
Anyway, thanks for the shoulder....gotta keep an eye on the incision and pain level now and hope I haven't hurt anything.
I just really cannot stand feeling like I am interfering in everyone elses lives so bad...............

None of us are accustom to being dependent on others. Many DHs aren't great nurses, nurturers, cleaners, chefs, child care givers, etc. etc. This is the time to let a lot of things slide and get as much help in as possible. Do you have any friends or relatives that could pitch in? Cleaning person? Neighbor you can call? Hormones go up and down for some of us and that just makes matters worse. Figure out the basics you need. Get the pizza delivery number and make lots of soup. Your home will not run as normal because nothing is normal right now. DH can't do the job of two and won't do it the way you want even if he could. Rest. Rest. Rest!!!

(((((HUGS)))))

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time, sweetie. I wish I could come over there and help you out myself!

The only advice I could offer is for you to try to stay focused on your recovery and taking good care of you. Even through the bouts of turmoil that might go on around you, try to relax and still focus on you. Your body needs rest and extra care right now in order to heal. Try not to allow everyone else's problems become yours. Now is not a good time for that.

I truly hope things get better for you, and you are able to relax and have a smooth recovery.

BIG HEALING HYSTER s,

You're only 2 weeks post op! Get back to the couch.

You need to be resting and healing now, not driving kids to scouts. Do not let your hubby's tantrums and whining intimidate you into doing things you know are not wise. Think of it as setting a good example for your kids of how one must be assertive and take care of one's health, even when it isn't a popular decision.

You can sympathize with poor hubby ("I know this is hard on you, Dear. Perhaps you can arrange for some help."), and offer constructive suggestions ("Hey, I know! Instead of quitting scouts because you don't have the CD, maybe you could go without it!"), but do not jump up and "do it yourself". If he actually pulls your son out of scouting, just say "Whatever you think is best, Dear." and leave him to handle the repercussions. He's a parent, too, he can take some responsibility.

You will heal faster and better if you take things slow right now - and that will be to your and *hubby's* advantage.

Take a sincere look, and see if you are "on him" about *anything*. If so, apologize, back off, and tell him you know he's doing his best. Tell him straight what your basic requirements are (food, tea, help getting up?), and leave how he handles everything else to him. Don't bother him with dusting, vaccuuming, etc. Shopping for food is probably a big enough challenge for him for one day.

You might also print out some of the pages from this site, about how long healing takes, or the complications women have experienced from trying to do too much too soon (and some hum-dingers of setbacks, too). It sounds like he has no clue about recovery, and taking care of his new Princess.

I'm going to try and be as tactful here as possible, but GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!!! Don't let anyone put the responsiblity of their frustrations off on you! It will only hurt you in the long run!
Believe me, I know from where I speak! I've been dealing with the guilt over "putting everyone out" because of my surgery also.
My husband hasn't gotten to the point of yelling, but I have reacted to his frustration. Not so good for someone whose just had their body overhauled! You don't need that stress! You have a right to be angry. May be hormones, but you also have to understand that it's ok for you to get angry when your feelings get hurt and especially by someone you depend on. Right now you HAVE to depend on someone or your not going to be around for anyone else to depend on later! Dear sister, take care of yourself!!! Get some rest! Please let us know how you're feeling! Hang in there! You're in our prayers!!!

(((((((((s)))))))))) and Blessings!
Janie (mjloyd@bellsouth.net) Email me if you like! Needless to say I'm going to be around!!!!