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Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end? Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end?

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Unread 11-12-2011, 05:18 PM
Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end?

I'm new here. I just had a hysterectomy on 10/24 because my doctors finally diagnosed me with choriocarcinoma. It's supposedly a rare cancer that is related to molar pregnancies (it's a gestational trophoblastic disease). Basically, my baby's placental cells invaded my uterine wall, turned cancerous, and then spread to my lungs.

I'm having a very hard time dealing with this. All my friends and family tell me I'm so strong, but mostly I just try not to think about it. When I do, I break down. It's just taken so much away from me already. Hospitalizations have taken me away from my baby, I had to stop breastfeeding because of the chemo, and I lost my ability to have any more children (although I am so thankful that I have my one little girl! I know many women who want children can't have them, and my heart breaks for them.) I have wound vac on my abdomen because of three separate surgeries. I haven't been able to go back to work, and my husband has had to take FMLA, which has done a number on our finances. I got blood clots & a pulmonary embolism from a PICC line I had. Oh, and topping on the cake - I have MRSA! Lately, I've developed a fever (which my oncologist in monitoring), which makes me sleep all the time and feel too blah to interact with my baby.

This is not how I pictured my life at 32. I don't know what I want...I guess just a safe place to vent and cry about the unfairness of it all. I try to look at the positives - I have my baby, I have a wonderful family and more friends than I ever knew I had, this cancer has a high cure rate as long as it doesn't spread to my liver or brain. I guess I'm still angry, scared, sad...everything. In the back of mind I'm afraid I'm going to die.

Thank you for reading all this. I just needed to get it out.
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Unread 11-12-2011, 07:43 PM
Re: Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end?

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you had to join us but you'll find lots of support here. All of your feelings are completely normal, even deciding not to think about it sometimes. A healthy dose of denial helped me get through all this.

Cancers stinks. There's just no way around that. Vent and cry all you want. {{{hugs}}}
Unread 11-12-2011, 11:08 PM
Re: Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end?

Oh, (((sweetie))),

You've certainly been given a lot to deal with, that's for sure. The fact that you can even acknowledge the positives at this point speaks volumes about you and how you're handling the situation. That does not mean that it's not perfectly all right to be angry, sad or any other emotion you need to feel. You have been through a lot. You have suffered real losses. We each have to work through those emotions in our own ways. The key is to not get stuck or let the darn disease rob us of one bit of life and joy more than absolutely necessary. It doesn't sound like you're going to let it.

So, please do come here whenever you need to cry, scream, lean on a shoulder, anything. That's why we're here.

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Unread 11-13-2011, 12:35 AM
Re: Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end?

Hi Sweetie,
I am so sorry you had to join the forum no one wants to but so glad you found us. It sounds like you have a great medical team as I understand this type cancer often is not the easiest to diagnose. May your treatments go well and not be hard on you. Seems more people are getting MRSA in the hospital setting so may that clear quickly too.
All the emotions you feel are so very normal when faced with this dasterdly disease. Pls know we are here for you so come as often as you like. I will be keeping you in prayer and sending positive thoughts too.
Unread 11-13-2011, 04:17 AM
Re: Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end?

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Every emotion you wrote about is normal and understandable. Stay positive because that's important, but it's also important to feel what you feel when you feel it. Allow yourself to grieve, because, yes, you've lost a lot. Allow yourself to be angry; you didn't deserve any of this.

I think once a person has had cancer, s/he will always feel vulnerable. I can tell you, though, that the fear of dying from the cancer fades with each passing year. At least that's my experience.

Congrats on your becoming a mother! s!!!

Unread 11-14-2011, 06:21 PM
Re: Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end?

Thank you all so much. I cried when I read your responses. I didn't realize how much it would help getting such encouraging words from ladies who have been/are in a similar situation. I had a frustrating day today. I was supposed to be admitted for chemo, but my white blood cells were too low. I got a shot of something that's supposed to help (and have another scheduled for tomorrow). Then we'll try again for Wed. I hate waiting on chemo. I don't want to give the cancer a chance to breathe, if that makes any sense.

I noticed my hair coming out more than normal last night, so I picked up a free wig at the hospital today. That was more empowering than I thought it would be, and I actually found one sort of close to my hair color in a cute style.

Hope you are all doing well. Keeping you all in my prayers!
Unread 11-19-2011, 11:42 PM
Re: Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end?


I hope that your wbc was up enough to allow your treatment. It is amazing how certain things can be such a big boost during this process

Unread 11-20-2011, 12:20 AM
Re: Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end?

For you and all that you are going through.
It is SOOO difficult when you are going through all of this, and hard being fearful that you are going to Die.
I certainly know the feeling and how hard it is.
Things will get better, its just hard to believe when you are in the middle of all of this
Warm wishes
Unread 11-20-2011, 08:39 AM
Re: Choriocarcinoma...will it ever end?

Oh (((Sweetie,)))

I am very sorry you have this delay and hope those shots will bring up the white blood count so they can move forward to wipe all nasty cells to oblivion with a minimum of side effects. I am keeping you in prayer and also sending many positive thoughts your way.

Hang in there, pls know that many are praying and wishing the best for you. Pls keep us updated when you feel up to it.


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