Hard Decisions, age 23, need hyst, but want a baby, although my husband doesn't

I am 23 years old. I have always wanted a large family. I grew up in one. My husband already had a child with his ex-wife. We married in 2007. He let me have a baby in 2009. Then he said that that was it. He would not have anymore. I grieved not having another ever since and now it is 2012. I finally started to feel better about myself, then complications started on my health. I wasn't supposed to get pregnant in the first place, because of all of the cysts I've had on my ovaries. Well I was blessed with one pregnancy. It was not easy. I haven't seen a doctor since and recently I finally went to a doctor over bladder troubles. He said that I couldn't handle another child and that I needed a hysterectomy and a bladder sling. My heart broke again. It is one thing for a doctor to tell me I can't have more kids. It is another to make it impossible. I know I need this done for my health, but I can't help but to feel that I am being cheated out of a future child. By my husband first, and then by my doctor. My husband is great to me and everything and I love him deeply, but he said that even if I didn't get this done than he was going to get a vasectomy. I am so heartbroken by everything. I know I am blessed with the family that I do have, but I figured somebody on here would understand where I am coming from. I have made the decision to go with the surgery, because it should fix a lot of my health problems, but it doesn't help my emotional problems.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Big hugs to you.

This must be so difficult for you.What reasons is your doctor suggesting hysterectomy for?Is he talking about removing your ovaries?

I have always had trouble with my ovaries. I started my period when I was 11 years old and I started getting cysts on my ovaries since I was about 13. They are getting worse and more frequent and when they swell they bleed into my abdomen. It is very painful. They will be removing both ovaries.

Do as much research as you can about vary removal and hormone replacement therapy before you have surgery! I'm so sorry your going through all this at such a young age!

I didn't have problems till I was close to 40. I can't imagine what it would be like to be faced with that decision at such a young age. I will tell you from my experience that had I known what a difference this would make in my life I would have had surgery 2.5 years ago. Be confident in your decision. You may not be able to have more children naturally but you will be a strong and healthy mom for the one you already have.

Thanks guys. I feel so much better now. As for making me a stronger woman and Mom, those words really made a difference to me and you are right. I have been dwelling on the fact of not having another and not on the fact that I am so blessed with what I already have. As for my husband he is getting more supportive everyday. He is strict in his decision, but he is also more understanding on my emotions than what he used to be. Also last night at church, I got anointed and my preacher put his hands on my head and prayed for me as did the rest of my church. I really felt great power in that. I would never deceive my husband and try to trick him into anything, even a child. Thank you for your advice on that though, but I will decline that one. I think that if God wanted me to have a child he would give one to me in some form or fashion. I will go to my appt. on the 1st and see what this other doctor says about everything, but for now thanks for all of the advice. I know I can be a strong woman and Mom for the little one I have now.

I'm sorry you are facing these problems but glad you are receiving help from your church. These are hard things to go through and of course you are sad. I do agree with your getting the 2nd opinion, that's always wise. I hope in some way this can work out for you. We are here any time you need to talk.

Hi there
I have just stumbled upon your thread. I totally understand how you feel. I am 31 and I gave birth to my daughter when I was not quite 16. I was always a good kid and this was totally out of the blue. I will never forget the words that my cousins other Nana whom we were also very close to said to me. "One day this will all make sense and you will see why you were blessed with my girl at this young age"
How right was she. I think of those words often. I met my husband when my girl was 1 and he and I have raised her together and done a wonderful job. I promised myself I would never have more children until I was married, owned our own home and could stand alone on 1 salary whilst raising another littlie. This was not to be. I struggled with fertility for 7 years with no explanation as to why I couldn't get pregnant. I also felt I was failing my husband which made me feel even more rotten. I work very closely with woman and it seemed every client that came to me was pregnant during this time. I cried every time I got my period We did not seek fertility treatment as we believed if it was meant to be it would happen. It also did not help to hear the words "well your lucky you have one" I know im lucky to have one, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Does not mean I would not crave this with my husband as opposed to going thru the journey as a teen living at home with my parents. Those words were always very cutting and im sure you too will have heard them. Many studies have shown that 2nd time round infertility can be just as painful as having no fertility.
Anyway I only wish my hubby had been more honest with me from the start as he has NEVER wanted children of his own and once I knew that I was able to work at healing myself from the years of pain and anguish. I finally accepted that my daughter was given to me extra early in life as it was not meant to be again. Had my hysterectomy nearly 2 weeks ago and now days I am focused on my teenage daughter, and the thought that it wont be long and my husband and I can start travelling and doing all those things that are that much harder when you have small children.
I also pray my daughter is 1 able and 2 would love to have children one day (Not in the near future) so I can enjoy being a nana.
Given that you are so young I would be inclined to save some of those eggs as others have said, because you just never know what life will throw at you next and maybe one day you will get a second chance. Good luck hun and remember you are not alone x
Also for any others reading this thread I believe in my own heart these days that there is never a right or wrong time to start a family. Many of us put it off until we are all settled in life and alot of the time now days it is too late by then. Sorry this is so long

Smileysister, I am glad you are seeking a second opinion. Doctors can greatly vary in when they think hysterectomy needs to be done. Make sure you are well informed.