finding the old me

Hi friends! I almost do not want to post this but am curious if anyone else has this feeling. I have had 4 years of constant pain and surgeries. I know this is ALOT less yrs of pain than many of you but I am having a hard time finding myself. I used to be very energetic and on the go all the time before all my problems started then boom a changed person....never leaving the house unless I have to, moody (and I mean MOODY), and just not ever feeling "good". Now that my surgery is behind me and I am hopefully on my way to a full recovery to a "normal" person I am finding it odd feeling. I kinda feel like I dont know how to act. This sounds weird doesnt it????? I am just so used to dealing with pain everyday and planning my day around my pain depending on how bad the pain was pretty much planned how my day would be, including how well I got along with my husband and everyone else in my life. I have shut alot of people out of my life because before the pain was the only thing on my mind and I felt I had nothing to say to alot of people or they wouldnt understand. How do I get back to the person I was before the pain?????? Does this sound like a depression problem??? My DH thinks I have social anxiety disorder because I never want to go out or get really crabby before we ever had to go anywhere around people. I feel I got like that for fear of how I would deal with the pain but now I am just scared and dont know how to become a normal person again. Has anyone experienced feelings similair to these??? If so please let me know how you handled them. Thanks a bunch!

Renee

((((((Renee))))))))

Please, Renee, give yourself time to heal before you start beating yourself up. You are so early in your healing and your emotions are going wild right now. As I calculate you are only 2 1/2 weeks post. Your body has undergone some major trauma and you need to be patient. It is perfectly normal to be moody at this stage in your healing. I didn't want to leave the house or go anywhere long after I'd healed physically. I couldn't take all the little kids running around or all the pregnant women floating about. I just didn't feel like socializing with anybody, even my own family. I just didn't want to be bothered.

I must be quite clear here, these things didn't go away for me and I sought out counseling to help me through it all. You don't have to go through any of this alone. If you feel you need an objective, caring inividual who you pay to listen to you then I highly recommend a good therapist. Mine has helped me beyond measure. However, you need to realize that your body, mind and heart must be given enough time and pampering to heal properly. Be easy with yourself and don't pay attention to criticisms from people who have no clue of what you are dealing with. One step at a time and you'll get back to 'normal' or better than normal.

I too had a problem adjusting to having my day not be planned around my pain and bleeding but I got over it very quickly once I realized that this is how it was supposed to be all along. I had been living in the abnormal realm for far too long and I actually felt a loss after the surgery. Not that I wanted to be in pain but it was a routine that I had adapted to. Its not strange or sick. This is how our minds work. This is how we coped with it all and it does take some adjustment time to get into the new routine. Hang in there, you'll be just fine with time.

I do urge you to contact your doc and tell him/her about the moodiness and other feelings you are having. They may suggest a remedy. I will keep you in my prayers.

Tender hugs and prayers,