Body healing fine, mind not doing so well--hysterectomy following delivery

Hi,
Im a mother of two from Sydney Australia. My name is Ash. I have a son (3 years old) and a daughter (4 weeks old).
I gave birth to my daughter naturally and afterwards I suffered Uterine prolapse. While the midwife was trying to deliver my placenta, my uterus came out with it.
I lost 7.7 litres of blood and was rushed to theatre where the nurse asked for my consent to have my uterus removed if they could not save it. Thats probably the only thing I remember from the experience since I had about 10 doctors and nurses running around me. I was in shock from blood loss.
I woke up 7 hours after surgery, 8 blood transfusions later in ICU. I was so groggy from all the anaesthetic but when I did come to, I could hear sympathetic nurses at the foot of my bed saying "Oh shes so young, its so sad". It wasn't until the next day it fully hit me. I got to see my daughter again (a full day after she was born).
I spent 6 days in hospital, 3 days in ICU and 3 days in maternity ward. I had great nurses and 2 counsellors to talk about the grief. I also had a debriefing session with the head of the birth unit as well as the head of my surgery. They told me I came so close to death and that I am a lucky woman.
I felt fine about it all.
Its been 4 weeks, and for some odd reason I am starting to feel sorry for myself? I know I am so lucky to even have two children, but I guess I pictured myself with more. I dont know how I am supposed to feel. I am grateful to be alive but I feel like I have failed.
I have had two traumatic births. I dont even know why my uterus came out. The doctors said they dont know why it happened, that it's not an area that has much information about it. They could only give me a few suggestions but nothing solid.
My mum and sister keep asking if im OK? I dont know how to talk to them about it. I just tell them I am okay. But i keep reliving what happened, I even had a nightmare last night and I almost jumped out of bed holding my healing scar.
Has anyone else gone through this? I know its quite rare (my case was only the second the hospital had seen). Would love to hear from anyone else who has suffered this and how you are coping. X

Dearest Ash,
I cannot give you anything but hugs from afar...(US).
God bless you.
I did actually say OUT LOUD as I read your post...."FAILED"??????? No way, darlin', did you fail. You survived something unbelievably traumatic. And here you are just 4 weeks later able to share about it, and have the wherewithall to ask for support. You, my dear, are amazing and strong. Those two beautiful children are blessed to have you as a mum.
God Bless.

You've been through a terribly traumatic experience. I am so sorry!! What you are feeling is absolutely understandable!!The more you talk about your feelings the better off you'll be. Hystersisters is a safe place to vent and cry. That's what we are here for.

Orison:

First of all, congratulations on getting through the birth and then surgery -- you must be as strong as can be physically and emotionally!! I'm so glad the baby was delivered and is healthy -- congratulations on your new addition.

You might be experiencing "acute stress disorder" because of the timing and symptoms, on the verge of entering post-traumatic disorder and that you need let your doctor know about this right away or however in New South Wales you start the process to get to a therapist who specializes in trauma. The sooner you get treatment (there is a very specific way they talk you through it so it lessens trauma), the better success there is. Call right away to avoid this becoming permanent if that's what's happening.

Don't be ashamed of how you feel or getting help -- you're already shown you're a strong woman and because of that will be around for those beautiful children!

I have not had this but I'm sorry you have had to endure this ordeal. I'm glad your family is trying to help you. I do agree that help for a stress disorder could be a good idea now and I hope that's available to you. You have not failed in any way. I'm glad you shared your story with us, I hope we can be of some support to you. Sending hugs and support to you.

Thank you ladies, just reading your replies makes me feel better. I guess it takes time and yes thank you, I will discuss Acute Stress Disorder with my doctor at my next appointment.
When I say I feel like I failed, I actually feel like I have failed as a woman. A woman is made for bearing children so I can't understand why my body has gone through two traumatic births. I lost 3 litres of blood when i delivered my son.
While I sat in maternity unit after the birth, I could hear the other mothers talking about how 'easy' their births were or how quickly their babies came out. I wish it would of been that easy for me.
Thank you all, for your kind words and thoughts, they mean a great deal to me. Xo

You have been through such an.ordel thank god you and baby are healing, its not uncommon to be suffering from shock and postpartum, talk to your doct and family and were here for you to lol

Sweetie - Don't ever feel like you are a failure as a woman. You have gone through great trauma to give birth to your beautiful children. That makes you quite a remarkable woman! I hope you seek some help for your depression. While it is completely understandable, you should be treated so you can begin to recover emotionally.

Keep posting here and you will get tremendous support. These amazing women are here for you. You are not alone.

Sending

	Quote:
Originally Posted by orison88 Thank you ladies, just reading your replies makes me feel better. I guess it takes time and yes thank you, I will discuss Acute Stress Disorder with my doctor at my next appointment. When I say I feel like I failed, I actually feel like I have failed as a woman. A woman is made for bearing children so I can't understand why my body has gone through two traumatic births. I lost 3 litres of blood when i delivered my son. While I sat in maternity unit after the birth, I could hear the other mothers talking about how 'easy' their births were or how quickly their babies came out. I wish it would of been that easy for me. Thank you all, for your kind words and thoughts, they mean a great deal to me. Xo

You have absolutely NOT failed as a woman. You managed, under unbelievable odds, to bring a beautiful son and now a brand new baby daughter into this world.You should get a medal for what you have had to endure. Please never ever again feel like a failure as a woman.Your children will grow up strong and happy because they have such a strong Mother!!When you hold your little girl in your arms to nurse tonight, look into her eyes and tell her what a lucky little baby she is because she has you for a Mommy!Say this to her every time you feed her.Eventually it will sink in, especially when she starts to smile!