Hi!!!

I'm new here. As every day goes by as I approach my June 20th vDH I am becoming more distracted, stressed, sad, angry, and exhausted (probably the stress haha). The worst part... I feel lonely. I know I shouldn't, but I do. The short story...

Endometriosis runs in my family. My mother had her hyst when she was 32 and my baby sis had hers done at 29. A small part of me always knew this was coming. When I had a routine tubal done in March 2009 I was diagnosed. At my post-op/ post partum check check up he told that that when things reached "that point" that we'd do a hyst because of my family history and diagnosis. My OB/GYN did his best to clean up what was there. As the past three years have gone by my cramping and menstral pain has gotten worse along with the ovulation pain that I had never experienced before. As the months go by things have just gotten worse. To add insult to injury I now have super heavy periods and they can last 1-2 weeks when they use to be only 3-4 days. So... These things caused me to bring up my diagnosis to my new gyn. To begin with she wanted to try other medical options and then I had an ultrasound. I also have a 4cm blood or endometrial tissue filled cyst. This along with my family history and already being diagnosed with endo has her theowing the other options out the window. So here I am today.

Scared, angry, sad, overwhelmed, and exhausted. I have a support system in my parents and my husband as well as a few friends but I still feel alone. I am freaked out about a major surgery and scared about the possible sexual effects. I enjoy sex, a lot. I don't want to lose that. I probably shouldn't feel alone but I do.

Hi Freya!

to HysterSisters!

All of your emotions are completely normal. This is a tough surgery to deal with and to wrap your brain around. I understand how alone you feel. While the logical side knew this was coming, your emotional side still has not caught up yet. I understand the freakout days, and nerves about surgery. Many women on this site went through that. This is MAJOR SURGERY. Of course you are having all of these feelings.

And it is hard to predict what can happen - we all want crystal balls! Regarding sex - for some it is better, some worse, and some it is the same and everywhere in between. Everyone is different. You will work through it, with your loving DH.

(((Hugs)))

Thanks so much for responding Marestail. It's nice to know that how crazy I feel is normal. And yes, one of those crystal balls would be fabulous. I wish I could be my hubby right now. He seems to be handling this so well.

Well, sometimes men don't understand the turmoil this causes. This surgery is so intimate, much different than loosing an appendix. It is taking an organ that has made its presence known, for better or worse, for decades. That is very upsetting. You are not crazy!

We will help through this. The women on this site know what you are going through, because either we have been there or are currently there.

Hi Freyja,
I know how you feel. My mom had a TAH when she was 39 because of a large fibroid and when she cam home from the hospital she told me 'sorry, these are hereditary and you will have a hysterectomy too some day.' Over the years that thought filtered into my brain but I also enjoyed 3-4 day periods with tiny fibroids for many, many years. Four years ago my fibroids started into overdrive and ballooned into nearly 10 inches of fibrods in my abdomen. Periods turned into heavy, unpredictable 10-14 days. My discomfort would start 2 weeks before my period so I was lucky to get 4-6 days of no-pain bliss each month. I have been on Lupron for the past six months so I now know what it feels like to not be in pain or have wicked periods. I am 36, my LAVH is on June 6th-I'm nervous and want to cancel every second of the day but I refuse to go back to my old 'normal.' This site has helped me tremendously as I anxiously wait-best of luck to you and I am sending thoughts and prayers your way.

hi i am a week away from my hyster and i too know what u r going through and beat it all this morning i wake up t my cycle again i wasnt suppost to get it for another week what joys us women have each and every month (NOT) i am so ready to be on the other side but then again there is a part of me that wants to cancle it but this morning i was reminded of y i am haveing it done just remember we are all here for each other and we can get through this together hang in there it will be a better outcome in the end ((HUGS))

Hello, Surgery Sister - I'm scheduled for the same day as you! I don't think I'll believe it's happening until I start getting the calls for med history and such. I have bladder/uterine prolapse and I've seen this coming for a few years now.

I've noticed the last few days, I've had some up and down feelings, too. Sad at losing my uterus. Odd feeling since I've never seen the darn thing, but it did nurture my sons. Worried about how sex will feel and yet hopeful after talking to some RL women who've had it and had no negative changes in that area.

I'm also worried if I don't get to go back to work in the 2 works she said I'd be off. I'm kinda squeezing this in so I can be back for when my boss goes on vacation plus I want to be healed enough to go on an international vacation 3 months post-op. All the variables are starting to make me go a bit bonkers.

Then I start thinking about post-op stuff. It's enough to make a girl go nuts!

Hi surgery sister!!! We can do this together. <3

Yup. Nuts. That's where I'm heading. Logically I am there. I just had another cycle and it was awful. They all are but I just push it to the back of my mind and push on through. This last one seemed okay. Of course I spouted off with how if this one isnt bad then maybe I don't need the surgery. Oh boy was I wrong. I'm surprised my husband even let me move. It was awful. And yeah, even being done with kids and having a tubal that chance of another is still there. This is so final and it's also so intimate. It's funny how we identify ourselves with something that tortures us every month.

Honestly... 24 hrs being here seems to be helping. I don't feel like my emotions are out of control anymore. I know they are normal so I am trying to embrace them. Face them head on and push on through.

Freya-

This jumble of emotions is so normal. I also want to warn you that it can be worse and more intense after surgery. It was for me, anyway. It takes so much time to process all of this.

I think there are two sides to us ladies: a logical side and an emotional side. We can ping pong back and forth between the two. Each side is important, and each side will process this at different rates. Allow each side the freedom to deal with this. Your logical side can get on this web site and ask questions, and your emotional side can get on and express fear, sadness, freakouts, or whatever else is happening.

We are with you sweetie. You are not alone - never on this site!

(((Hugs)))

Ladies,
Marestail said it all so well. This is a very emotional surgery and it's normal to feel sad, stressed, anxious, angry and terrified. I felt so alone before and after my surgery, although I was surrounded by loving family and friends. They didn't understand how hard it was for for to give up my uterus and fertility. How much it hurt me to my core. And I was venturing into the unknown with no guarantees of whether my pain issues would actually be resolved, how I would feel after, and what sex would be like. At some point, we all take that leap of faith and trust in our decision, in our surgeon, and in God.

And it is also true that the emotions can get more intense post op. And I was very surprised by how long it takes to recover. Minty, I'm a little concerned about your goal to return to work in 2 weeks after your TVH. I returned to my desk job every other day at 8 weeks and it was very very difficult. Its better to ask for more time off and return early than to ask for more time after your surgery.

Wishing you luck ladies, please post all your questions.