No more big "O"

Had a vaginal hysterectomy with posterior and anterior repair (bladder sling, mesh), it's been 10 weeks and DH and I tried to be intimate last night. It was painful; it felt like trying to put a size 9 foot into a size 7 shoe! On top of that, I can't seem to have the big "O" anymore. Could there be nerve damage? Does that repair? Is that fun part of my life over? I'm only 52, and though we would have some more years of fun!
Any replies are welcome.

At only 10 weeks I would be patient with yourself. It is still really, really soon. I had about the same surgery in April, and 10 weeks after I was still in no shape for vaginal sex. I would recommend that sometime when you are home alone, by yourself, try to reach climax with your favorite vibrator, and if you don't have one, get one. I was very nervous that I could not "O" and read somewhere here to try that.
With no pressure, and you are in control, you might be surprised.
After that you will have confidence, things will be easier then.
You are still far from healed, but when you do try again, use a good quality lubricant, and go slow, and have your DH keep penitration to a minimum. Good luck. It will "come" back don't worry, just give yourself time to heal.

Cinders,
Hug.....I know your fear...and worry. I hope and pray that you are just not far enough along in the healing to be able to enjoy. However, to answer two of your questions...Yes it can and Yes it does happen. Rarely.

I would say to do some solo flying and see if you can get yourself there on your own...with a lot of clitoral stimulation. If you can.. then talk to your doctor about lubrication and pain, and then keep trying...

However, if you find you cannot stimulate yourself...or worse case scenerio you cannot really feel much you may indeed have suffered some prudendal nerve damage. I did. I would love to tel you it gets better, but at 6 months out..I am still left with little to no feeling.

So the girls upstairs have become a more important part of our playtime! : D

Hang on and I am hoping you are back to full enjoyment soon!

cinders, it does take time and patience to get there. My vagina was extremely tight and sex was very uncomfortable. It took a few weeks before my DH could achieve full penetration. Lots and lots of lubricant and finding the position that works best for you. For me it was on my back with my knees up and feet planted on the bed. The big O may happen once you stop being nervous and scared.

Thank you all for your encouragement. I would have thought my doctor might have covered more of this with me, ya know?

Cinder, my doc did not give me half the info they could have....I feel sort of scammed.

Molly50...how many times did you, uh, "practice" with your husband over those few weeks? the whole thing is rather frightening, at this point...

We tried the first time right after my doctor released me at 5 weeks without success. Decided to wait another week, tried again and were a bit more successful (partial penetration until it hurt) and then I think it was another week that we tried again with success. That was when I figured out a position that allowed him to enter without hurting me though we waited 3 months to get very "enthusiastic". My DH was incredibly patient and sweet about it all.

I had the same fears. I read all the reports of my sisters about how it got better and it was better than before. I wasn't getting that. It was painful, uncomfortable, like I was sandpaper. Used plenty of lubrication but never thought about lubricating my brain. Yup, took a couple of glasses of wine with no intentions of going there and before I knew it (and it took more time than it used to) I was THERE! I had so much aprehension because of the pain from my fibroids, because of the feeling of sandpaper, because of the unnatural feel of the bottled lubrication....a list! I have to say, it's not the same but it ain't bad either! Once I was able to relax into it I was able to let go of the fears. I had sensations that I had not had prior and I have to say that part was far better!.

The surgery effected a highly sensative part of our bodies that is so connected with our brains. For some of us it will take time, for some of us it will take distractions, for some of us it will take prayer, for some of us it will take lubrication and positioning but I think it's rare that it totally goes away. Maybe exploration is the key along with communication.

Be patient and positive.

I agree, the doctors don't tell us everything, I don't think that is because of a scam, if they are male doctors, they just have no clue, if they are women doctors, they may or may not have been through it. I believe mental preparation is a big part of it and I thought I was going to need to make a trip to Victoria's Secret or something. What it took was a day of barbecue and flirting. Serious flirting about the day when the playground was fully functional and all the things we were going to do again. Personally, I think the boyfriend was way ahead of me cause he started it and kept telling me we had all the time in the world. Men are good guys.

I have simlar fears. I had A&P repairs as well as vag vault suspension. At 10 weeks I was given the ok for sex, altho' she said it was still red & healing at the top of my vagina (no cervix) and there were still stitches which she said would feel like fishline. Altho' I was really looking forward to finally having sex, now that I had permission, I was too scared! We waited a few days then tried sex without penetration. At first I cried with relief that I could have an O, but then cried because it was so obvious that something was missing, like a big hole where there used to be a lot of feeling. The 2nd try was a little deeper feeling, so I have some hope that it will improve, but there will always be something missing for me.

After that, I tried some self-love & exploration. Those stitches really do feel like fishline! Sharp & stiff. Vagina also seems short & tender. I tried a small soft sex toy that gradually got thicker and could not tolerate even that, so I've decided to wait awhile to try with my partner. She's been very supportive, and being a woman, too, doesn't have that strong a desire to do "it" in any particular way. Kudos to all the male SO's/DH's out there. And I concur with lots of lube, patience, & foreplay, including dates & flirting.
I wish everyone continued healing & thanks for "listening"