Who do you tell and how?

Know that I am posting a lot, but surgery is in two weeks and about 1 1/2 of it will be fair, fair, fair and won't have much time to prepare. After talking to my family today lots of questions have poped up and some I can get answers for other places, but some seem better answered here. This one is very difficult for me.

I am a very, very private person. I keep secrets like no other. But as I am telling my aunts, couldnt bring myself to tell my uncles, about my upcoming surgery, realized that there are other people that I should probably tell. Like my physical therapist for my back since that will most likely stop at least for a time, my pastor due to at least the fact that I am the organist. My question is anyone else, other than family, that you think really needs to know? And how do you tell them? Both of the previous are men and not sure how I will face telling them. Know I need to, but will be hard.

Am afraid my father will tell everyone. Had people stopping me in stores to ask how my back was and when I asked how they knew since I didn't tell them they said my dad told them. Hopefully he will keep this to himself a little better. Not something I am comfortable broadcasting.

this is no different than any other type of surgery...
tell everyone or no one - it is up to you...
ask your Dad to consider your feelings as to WHO he is
authorized to pass info to about your surgery...
he should respect your privacy and not broadcast it if you do
not want him to!!
personally - am telling most everyone who will "miss" me during the recovery time since i do not want them to worry when i "disappear" for a few weeks

Unfortunately if I tell everyone that will miss me for a few weeks, that would include my entire church congregation as I am the only organist right now. Not willing to do that. Trying to come up with some way to say will be gone without lying, but without saying exactly what is happening. For some reason saying I am having a hysterectomy is very hard for me to say to people or for people to know. Know that they will just be sympathetic, but still not something that is easy to say. Have a couple of days to figure that out at least.

I'm the same way, wish I weren't but I'm very private. Personally I think saying you are having "abdominal surgery" is enough, and don't feel the need to tell everyone. It's your business. If they ask more you could say it's gynecological surgery, women's issues, it's personal, those usually stop male questions. Or keep it to, I'll be fine afterward and no cause to worry. I also said I had surgery for health reasons and just repeated that when questioned. I just didn't want to discuss my GYN business. Maybe I'm too secretive, but sometimes I didn't even say surgery. Even if you say or they guess hyst, You aren't obligated to discuss reasons, etc if you prefer not. I'd think of a few ways to say what you want and just stick to that. And best wishes for your surgery.

Hi,

I'm prepping for the absence as well and I'm leaning more towards the private side. I agree with greyown that it's your choice as to how much detail you want to share. Simply stating you're having abdominal surgery or that you're taking time that's needed to address a health concern should be sufficient.

I have told my family plus a few close friends since they'll figure out what's going on and many of them have their own issues and can relate.

At work, 3 coworkers who I trust know what's going on. My boss doesn't know exactly what is going on, although I think she has a clue. Her take is that I have the right to be out to take care of myself and she does not need to know or violate my privacy as long as I keep her informed of the absence and follow company policy for the leave. She's pretty cool that way!

The touchier part is explaining the absence to my clients. I work in a role that requires contact with a lot of external clients. I have told a couple who I know will be impacted so far (more to come as my surgery date gets closer). I'm just stating that I will be gone for 4-6 weeks and here's your backup. No one has asked for specifics so far, but my clients tend to work in HR / employee functions and they are highly sensitive to privacy concerns.

I do understand how it can be a little more complicated in a church setting because that relationship is beyond just "business" - I was a cantor for 14 years plus a soloist with the choir at the time I went through my first surgery in 2001. Everyone knew me so it was very hard for me not to feel obligated to share more than I was comfortable sharing. But you still have a right to your privacy and the people who truly care about your welfare will understand and simply wish you the best.

Good luck to you!

Diane

I'm a private person as well. Some things just aren't anyone else's business but mine. I modified what I said based on the audience. I told people at work that I was going to be out for a bit to take care of some medical stuff I'd been putting off, and qualified the statement with "don't worry, it's nothing scary." Male friends and my DH's buddies who asked where I was were told surgery to take care of some female issues, and NONE of them asked for details, they just scurried away. Close female friends and relatives know what's going on, and know that I don't like to blab about that kind of stuff. Simply saying "I had surgery recently, and I'm not supposed to be doing xyz" has been sufficient post-op when I've needed help with something.

NTKB (need to know basis) everyone doesn't need to know everything. Ask you dad to please respect your privacy.
Tell the people that you feel have to know. As the organist for your church, yes you'll be missed, but everyone in the church doesn't have to know the details if you don't want them to know. You can have them pray for your surgery and healing, but the rest: "NTKB".
I guess letting your Pastor know, yes because he has to find a replacement organist until you return, but even he doesn't have to know all of the details and even if he did, he can't say anything unless you want him too.

Just tell the people that you want to tell and ask them to respect your privacy and not broadcast everything to everybody. Remember, NTKB, if they don't need to know, you don't need to tell them

What everyone says makes sense. Some will be a little easier because I have had a back procedure done and am guessing they will just assume it is for that again. Church will be a little harder. Small, close, been there since I was born type of deal. Full of family and close friends who will know. Guess I will just have to see what transpires. Will be busy with fair stuff so can't stress or will drive myself nuts. Thanks for all the insights.

My surgery was scheduled so quickly I didn't have time to tell hardly anyone. In my family, only my mom knew and then I told a few friends/neighbors that would want to know so they could provide a little help afterwards. I'm a private person too and prefer to keep things to myself and go about my business with little fanfare. You're not under any obligation to tell anyone anything, except an employer so you can arrange time off, but even they don't need the details. Since you play the organ at church, you need to let your pastor know you won't be there for a few weeks, but you don't need to give details. Same with physical therapist, you just tell his office you won't be available for a few weeks. You can say that you're having surgery without saying what type or you don't have to mention surgery at all. They really don't need to know the 'why' to your absence, they just need to know you won't be available. Best wishes for your surgery and recovery!