Depressed/Anxious/Guilty feelings - kept one ovary

Today is the first day I just feel like crying. In fact, tears are rolling down as I post this. My wedding is six days from today and I want to be happy! I am madly in love and want to be excited! However, I am so depressed, it is making me sick to my stomach. I can barely eat.

My da Vinci hysterectomy was on 11 July. (They took everything but one ovary.) Up until today, I only had a few bouts of depression/anxiety. This is the first time I have felt it this strongly. Yes, I have bipolar disorder, however I take my meds every day and on time. This breakthrough depression/anxiety is horrible!

Some of it is guilt from not being ready to go back to work tomorrow...the rest of it is feeling like I am depressed and anxious for no reason...I feel like the world hates me for no reason...like I let people down, yet they won't tell me. Can anyone relate?

I am ridden with guilt, anxiety and depression. Could it be from the surgery?

TheSpaceAge,

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way right now. You are not alone!!! There are many of us, myself included, that are or have had many of the same feelings that your are experiencing.

During this surgery, your hormones can be a bit out of sorts for a while and it is not uncommon to feel like you are riding an emotional . Please do talk to your about this....especially if it gets overwhelming for you.

Throughout the first couple of months following my surgery I felt guilt, anxiety, depression, and I ALL the time. I got so good at it that I cried when I was happy too. I told my hubby one day that we needed to invest in Kleenex tissue, because if I kept it up we'd be millionaires in no time!!

As far as feeling guilty about work and not being able to keep up with your "normal" life...please try to let that go. I too felt like I was letting everyone down because I wanted to go back to work at 3 weeks post-op and didn't end up returning full time until 6 weeks. Although, I felt guilty about it, everyone understood. Believe me, you do not want to be back to your life if you are not ready to be.

Give yourself as much time as you need!! Trust me, everyone can wait and you don't want to prolong your recovery even further.

If you need to cry...then cry and get it out...you'll be back to yourself soon enough.

Congratulations on your wedding!!!! that is very exciting news. Try to focus on that and let everything else go for now.

Hi Jenny:

Thank you for your kind message. It has definitely been an emotional rollercoaster for me. Yesterday was a little better. Today is a little worse. I feel that I am fighting the pre-wedding jitters, too. I love my fiancé with all my heart, however it is very hard to resist the temptation to try and make everything "perfect" for the wedding. Working on stuff keeps my mind off the depression, however, it is very easy to overdo things. The balance is hard to find. One of my female friends suggested pampering myself by taking long showers for the next two days and getting my nails/toes done (I was planning on doing the latter anyways). Focusing on me until the wedding comes was her suggestion...I am going to try that, at least a little bit more than usual. I am usually focused on pleasing and helping others.

The emotions are a combination of depression, anxiety, guilt (from not working, which I am trying my best to let go of and have mostly succeeded at), and nervousness about the wedding...with some excitement thrown in the mix. It is hard to hold it together at times...however I am trying my best.

Going back to your post helps me a lot. I keep reading it when I am down. If it gets to be too much, I will call the doctor's office about the way I am feeling.

THANK YOU!

TheSpaceAge

I'm glad that I could help you!!

You're friend is right...pampering yourself is just what you need to be doing at this point. Manicures and pedicures are a great idea!!!

Remember to take one day at a time and this too shall pass.

with lots of are coming your way!!!

Thank you again for your support, Jenny. To update: I am doing a lot better now. A lot of the anxiety and depression stemmed from the stress of planning our wedding! Now that we are married, the weight of "getting it right" is off my shoulder and I can go on with life. My moods have improved remarkably since Saturday.

Part of it may have coincided with the fact that, even though I no longer have a uterus, the time before the wedding was when I would have been on my menses. Considering that I have an ovary left, do I still get PMS symptoms? I always used to get wicked moodiness with my cycles.

Please advise.

Thanks again!

Space

My pleasure! Congratulations on your wedding!!! YAY!!

I have not personally experienced post hyster PMS because I had both ovaries removed, but from what I know and have read, yes it is entirely possible.

You could post that in the post-op forum to see if you get responses from women who have experienced that first hand, or even do a search on the site to see what others have said about it.

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better!!