TVH Feeling like I made a mistake..hot flashes, pain, trauma

I had a TVH with A&P repair on 8\6\12. Kept my ovaries but lost my cervix.

I remember waking up in recovery screaming because it hurt so bad and one of the nurses tellling me to calm down because I was scaring the other patients. I screamed for four hours before they got my pain under control and moved me to a room. That night, I would sleep for a few hours, then wake up screaming in pain. I remember sobbing, "Dear God, please somebody help me." I was alone. I don't remember anyone coming in before I passed out from the pain yet again. I awoke the next morning in horrible pain from the catheter and told them to get it out or I would rip it out. They took it out and I tried to pee....couldn't. Finally they put in a pediatric catheter and that was more tolerable. My doctor came in and told me it was not normal to have so much pain the day after surgery. I felt tremendous pressure, almost like I was in labor and having the urge to push. Anesthesia had positioned my legs incorrectly and damaged my sciatic nerve, so my whole right butt cheek and back of thigh were numb and painful at the same time.

I don't remember much about that day after surgery except the screaming and crying. I do remember being in a fetal position sobbing uncontrollably with my husband on the bed crying with me. The woman who brought my lunch tray in was praying for me out loud as she left the room. It had been an hour since I requested pain meds. They were giving me percocet and it wasn't enough. They switched to dilaudid, which helped when they gave it to me, which was never on schedule. I consistently had to ask for it and be in unbearable pain before they would help me.

I went home two days post-op and don't remember leaving the hospital or much of what happened that first week. It took four days and lots of laxatives to have a BM, then another four days for the next one with an enema. By the one week mark, I was so constipated and bloated that I looked 8 months pregnant. My best friend came over with her newborn baby and it hit me...I will never experience this again.

I had the surgery because my doctor made it seem like a new lease on life. I had painful, heavy periods before, but an IUD had solved that problem for the past 4 years. I had a stage 2 uterine prolapse and cystocele and rectocele from the violent birth of my second child 15 years ago (uterine inversion) and was tired of dealing with the pessary and having to pee every 20 minutes. I had pain in certain sexual positions, and thought this was the answer to my problems. "Wouldn't it be great to be 37 and never have to worry about your period again?," my doc said. Yes, it sure would.

I found this board the week before my hysterectomy and it freaked my out. The morning of surgery, I told my husband I didn't want to do it. He told me it was my decision. I took a clonopin and went to the hospital. I signed all the forms, even the ones that listed all the nasty side effects and complications that were "rare but could happen." Those things won't happen to me, I thought.

I came home with the catheter and got it out two days later, self-cathed for a week and then started peeing myself. I went from no pee to peeing all over the place. That has been a little better (just a few drops here and there), but my bladder is still painful even when I'm resting.

Now at 12 days post op, I am off the narcotics because I have to drive the kids around. I am so tired that I have to lie down after taking a shower. My doc wants me on muscle relaxers because my pelvic floor is spasming so badly. I'm having nightmares about what happened in the hospital and feel like I have been tortured. I actually feel the void where my uterus should be. At my last check, the doc did a vaginal exam and I almost came off the table at any touch in my vagina. I am afraid I will never have pleasure with sex again.

I am tired all the time, yet have insomnia and wake every few hours to pee. I feel anxious, devastated, and emotional. I feel like my husband won't want me anymore and I will never recover my former self. I even had a dream about a baby I didn't have asking why I didn't want him, which was bizarre, because I really don't want more children (I have three, one with cystic fibrosis and another with autism...so my plate is full.) Its just disturbing.

To top it all off, last night I started having hot flashes. I kept my ovaries and this was never mentioned as a possibility. Am I going to have to deal with menopause too now?

I feel like this surgery was the biggest mistake of my life. My pre surgery symptoms were annoying but controlled, and the surgery was presented as kind of a "routine" cure-all for female problems. For me, it wasn't. It was and is a major ordeal. I don't feel like myself and don't know if I ever will. Someone please tell me this gets better.

Oh honey! I'm so very sorry for the awful experience. It's one thing to go through such a tough surgical exp but to not get taken care of in the hospital is just awful. I don't get nurses sometimes. I know they have several to care for but gee whiz, have some compassion and understanding.

I in no way have dealt with what you have but I've had moments of this was a mistake feeling about my hysterectomy. My bladder has been my number one issue and I'm 6 weeks out. I've heard it can take 6m to a year for everything to settle down. I didn't expect to not feel 100% by this point. I still get tired and I'm on edge some of the time too. The hot flashes are probably normal and just part of the recovery process but if they don't get better definitely call your doc.

I'll be praying for healing for you!

I am so sorry that you have had such a tough time. This sure is a major surgery and it does take some time to heal. I had a complication during surgery and also went home with a cath.
the thoughts did go through my mind...did I make the right decision on having the LAVH. I am 6 weeks post op and the answer is YES, I would do it again.

I hope that you feel the same way soon. Every day you should find that you are feeling a bit better and you will get to the point that you feel great! So, hang in there it will get better.

I am so sorry for what happened. It really stinks when they don't take care of you. When you are feeling better, you may want to complain about this experience. Has your doctor checked to make sure there isn't an infection or something else wrong? It really doesn't sound like normal pain. Being tired is very common and you will begin to feel better.
If you are feeling this bad, why are you driving the kids? First, driving is tough on your abdominal muscles. Second, trying to drive in pain is insane!! Seriously, I was there and did it and it was stupid on my part. You could be doing more damage to yourself as you are healing. If your doc isn't listening to you, you may need to find another doc just to make sure there isn't something wrong. I am so sorry this has happened. It really stinks. Hopefully you will start to heal. It does take time to do this-for me well over one year. And your ovaries may still be in shock so that may get better,.

I'm sorry you are going through such pain. I can tell you that I had an A & P repair when I was 29, after one horrible vaginal delivery that tore me up.. That was the most painful thing of my life. I was in so much pain, couldn't urinate or have a BM unless I was laying down. I'll never forget that pain. Worse than any C-Section or any other surgery I've had. I can't imagine having a total hysterectomy on top of that surgery..Your body has gone through a lot, and it's going to take a while to get back to normal. I'm 2 1/2 weeks post-op, and it's all I can do to take a shower..By the time I get out, I'm shaking from weakness, and have to lay right back in bed. (granted, I'm also being treated for meningitis) Just try to take one day at a time..don't stress about the energy you don't have- it will come in time..just enjoy 'taking it easy' as much as you can. The mind can play evil tricks on you, as far as your dreams go..I had nightmares/bad dreams every night I was in the hospital. I think it's all part of the healing process..sending hugs and prayers your way..

I'm sorry you've been through everything that you have. Surgery is trauma and the severe pain you experienced post-op just makes it so much worse. Hugs!!!!

I have to drive because hubby already burned his two weeks vacation, is starting a new job on Monday, and the alternative is having kids under my supervision all day. At least if I bring them 10 minutes to camp, I can rest all day.

I've read some posts here about ovaries going into shock...can't believe my doc never mentioned this. Yesterday I took the narcs and went with the family on errands. I was really tired but at least I felt a bit of normalcy again. Hubby has been so great that i gave him oral. Made him happy...left me in a lurch! Is there anyone who has had a&p with hyst and had a good sexual outcome? Right now I can't find any and I am petrified about what is to come.

I already got my patient satisfaction survey and issued a scathing review. I may write a letter to JCo as well. Really unacceptable.

That is so tough. just try to be careful (which I am sure you are)when you are driving. It always surprises me that docs don't really talk about all the things that can happen after the surgery esp. ovaries going into shock. As for the other, I think there are probably women here who had good results from your type of surgery. Hope you feel better