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oh mother dear, the pantry is bare... oh mother dear, the pantry is bare...

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  #1  
Unread 02-24-2002, 10:51 AM
oh mother dear, the pantry is bare...

I am on my way to the grocery store, by way of my manicure and pedicure , for those of you who think/worry/know/ that not only do i obsess about the little things, I forget to breathe,and am petrified of being unable to take care of myself, and find out that all the offers of support, were just that - offers - here's the problem/question - really one for emily post - and please don't laugh - 0h, go ahead, just respond with an intelligent answer - and remember this - my sister is Kosher, and won't eat here (but owns a bakery/deli) or in the hospital - when i asked what she would do for food, she said "don't worry about it" and she means it - I am more worried about a male friend steve - who is wonderful, but still a man...
he will probable stay for 2 nights and a day, and will expect me to feed him, but hopefully not take care of him - this is a self-sufficient man, who even cooks fresh pasta and vegatables for himself, but when he stays over here, doesn't seem to recall that the dishwasher is right behind the kitchen table, and that the milk and butter should go back in the fridge ( the scenario is that i have gotten up - just friends) set up breakfast for him, and gone to get the paper, or to the gym, while he sleeps in ---I never say anything, b/c he is such a dear friend - I guess it's a man thing -- just like when i stay at his house - I help with the meal, set the table, and often do the dishes..I guess that's a woman thing---he does not respond well to constructive criticism- and I am careful around him - again, he is a dear, and that is probable good practice for me -----------------
here is the question - do i ask him what to get him to eat - I will not be able to tolerate him using my george foreman grill, and not cleaning it properly, or eatting all of the smart ones I am stocking up on so that I can at least attempt to eat healthy. do I ask him to shop before he goes back home, to replenish my freezer - not a big freezer and packed with coffee beans, which is my one luxury? I am so afraid of being left here to fend for myself and it is based on experience, not just fear --ie my sister will come to the hospital, stay with me and come home with me for a day, Steve for 2 probably, but I have asked her several times since January 9th, to just call and leave a message on my machine to say she is thinking of me - she only called me once, the morning of the 10th to ask how i was, after learning that my ultra sound was "making my doctor unhappy"- I immediately called her after he called me at work. I knew it could be a difficult time ahead---I don't question that she loves me, she does, but I guess she can't call - and isn';t interested in talking to me - she often doesn't even return my phone calls when i leave a message... for now, just believe that the food problem could be a serious one for me, and I don't want to make either of them offended so that they don't come help me. ugh- ok, breathe, breathe, I do feel better for venting and will probable feel lots better after I pick out my nail polish color. thanks
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  #2  
Unread 02-24-2002, 11:16 AM
oh mother dear, the pantry is bare...

Hi Lynda!

<putting on my best Emily Post hat>

I am thinking that one idea could be to tell your male friend BEFORE he comes over to stay with you, that you have stocked your pantry/fridge with convenience foods for you, but that HE might want to fetch his choices of food PRIOR to coming to stay.

And about the cleaning, putting away stuff, etc.... if he's a real friend, then he certainly won't be put out or offended if you simply ask him to take care of these things for you, as you're really supposed to be avoiding the activity. Just ask. Not whiny or naggy, just matter-of-factly, as in "Would you please pass the salt"? (or would that be "Would you please pass the Allfruit/Jelly"??? )

I think you are smart to think of these things ahead of time, but keep in mind that these next several weeks need to be ALL ABOUT YOU, my dear. Keep that mindset.

P. S. Hide the George Foreman grill while he's there.
  #3  
Unread 02-24-2002, 12:23 PM
oh mother dear, the pantry is bare...

Lynda

I'm scheduled for my TVH on Wed. and I too worried about having groceries in the house. I have a husband and 4 teenagers and have been a stay at home Mom for 18 years. My dh can't even boil water! Ha But I've decided the heck with this worrying and stocking up on groceries. We live only about 5 miles from the nearest grocery store and it is about time my family learns to take care of themselves.

I bought myself soups and a few things I like and they have been instructed NOT to touch my food. My hubby is going to be home with me for about 5 days but I will probably be kicking him out the door sooner.

Tell your friend if he can't find something to eat, he can run to town because you won't need him there 24/7. Buy items that you'll want after surgery but don't give it another thought about him. Like some of the other posts have mentioned, this is YOUR time to heal. Take care of yourself.
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  #4  
Unread 02-24-2002, 01:31 PM
oh mother dear, the pantry is bare...

I agree with Toonces...be frank with your friend and tell him this visit you WON'T be cooking, serving or cleaning up, so he has to fend for himself. If the point of his stay is to help you, then let him help!

I don't know if this service is available in your area, but it's easy to find out....go to www.peapod.com and see if they deliver to your area.

This is an internet supermarket service...you can do your food shopping online and the order is filled from a local supermarket, and delivered to your kitchen counters for you. It's the best thing since milk in the bottle!! There is a minimal delivery charge of $10 or so, but it's well worth it. Check into it!!!!

You have to speak up for yourself, especially now...if you need help from the people around you, let them know. Hang in there!!!

Karen
  #5  
Unread 02-25-2002, 02:22 AM
Kosher food via the net

lj -

Can you get some of those instant meals - just add water - packed with their own spoon -- made in Israel -- through one of those kosher supermarket sites on the web?

Don't know any of those sites, because 1) I live in Israel and 2) kosher isn't important to me, but a bet you could find them via a search engine.

As far as your man is concerned, what about carefully packed take out, also with plastic flatware, paper plate, etcs. so it won't get in way of the kosher stuff?

Besta luck, I'm off the the Tel Aviv Castle, aka Ichilov Hospital tomorrow.
  #6  
Unread 02-25-2002, 06:42 AM
oh mother dear, the pantry is bare...

Lynda, I would lay down the ground rules with your friend and family. You have time to do this still. And, make sure that they both know that you are recovering from major surgery and cannot lift or stand for very long.

Men...sometimes you have to knock them over the head with a stick to get them to listen to you. But, if you tell him in advance, maybe that will work?

I hope it does...good luck!



Sara
  #7  
Unread 03-16-2002, 02:04 AM
oh mother dear, the pantry is bare...

Lynda --

Let us know how it went, I've been home for some 10 days.

Friends have brought me meals from my favorite restaurants, including a margarita from my favorite bar!
  #8  
Unread 03-17-2002, 01:38 PM
hopeless and not in seattle- get a pillow b/f you read this LOL

I did as you all suggested, and spoke ahead of time to my male friend - got a list of what he needed to eat over the weekend - but ran out of time pre-sx (had to work until 10pm the night before and pulled an all-nighter) so he ended up shopping after he brought me home - I asked him to get 8 weight watcher smart ones for me, and even gave him the box fronts for the ones I could eat - 4 chicken and 1 ravioli - and told hi to get what he wanted, but to get 6 that he would like over the next few visits - also gave him a small list - did he fill the list (one guess) - did he get my choices, even after talking about the one turkey dinner I had in the freezer 2 weeks ago for him and that he had to eat (he loves turkey) b/c I hate turkey - he then informed me he prefers to eat "chicken tv dinners and have whole turkey breasts from the deli or to cook them himself (shee how self-sufiecient he is) - well he comes home with 5 turkey dinners, (I just ate one and it gave me a stomache ache, but that is probable the gravy, which I never eat)...and 3 chicken --now to gove this increedible man his due, I wrote out what kind of pany liners I wanted - the box color, brand, etc, and guess what - the box has changed- he has never even been in this aisle before, and was able to get the right thing, and got me unscented ( I am allergic to wheat , soy and everything else in between) now I ask you, is he a keeper or what, and what would I do without you sisters to complain to, whine to, without any real cause ... later, with laughter and a pillow, it is good for you, love, lynda
  #9  
Unread 03-17-2002, 01:47 PM
thanks for asking for updates

I have posted since surgery - who remembers where, but do a search for ljblank posts...I am now ready to lie down, despite my PA's recommendation that I not sleep during the day, b/c I am having trouble with night sleeping that ambien is helping - but I am exhausted - and have earned it - I have a yeast infection, and a UTI and seem to waste my 2-3 trips up & down the stairs just reprogramming my VCR's (none of the tapes of which I have watched) I found some good home decor HGTV, DISC, TLC channels and current movies and have been satisfied...look for my next challenge/obsession under "iron anyone" and than I am going to sleep (you cannot lie down for 30 minutes after taking the iron pill, and cannot take calcium, including coffee with milk or orange juice fortified with calcium for a 2 hour window) --try that on bed rest -
  #10  
Unread 03-21-2002, 11:37 PM
Iron Woman

Linda --

Glad to hear that you're on the mend, goodness taking that iron seems worse than my mom's Fosalin for osteoporosis!

My hemoglobin went down a bit, but my doctor just said stick to the multivitamins and double up on the leafy greens and red meat.

I can live with that!
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