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New- 13 Days To Go! New- 13 Days To Go!

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  #1  
Unread 03-08-2002, 11:14 AM
New- 13 Days To Go!

HI THERE!
I AM NEW TO THIS SITE, MY SISTER-IN-LAW LET ME KNOW ABOUT IT.
I AM 32 AND GOING TO HAVE A TAH ON MARCH 21. I HAVE SEVERE
ENDO. AND SCAR TISSUE FROM HAVING 3 C-SECTIONS.
I AM GETTING PRETTY SCARED!
MY HUSBAND THINKS THIS IS REALLY NO BIG DEAL (LOTS OF WOMEN DO IT!) BUT HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW EMOTIONAL THIS IS FOR ME!
SO NEEDLESS TO SAY I HAVE BEEN PREETY MEAN TO HIM.
I WISH HE COULD UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS BETTER.
ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

I AM SO HAPPY I WAS TOLD ABOUT THIS SITE!
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  #2  
Unread 03-08-2002, 11:23 AM
New- 13 Days To Go!

Hi there. I'm new here also. I am 30 and scheduled for TAH on March 20th. I have a loving and supportive hubby, but I don't know if they can truly understand what it is we go through. He could be acting this way because he is a little frightened or because he doesn't want you to be anymore upset than you already are. Just keep him included on doc visits, or information from this wonderful site! Ask him if he has any questions that you, this board, or the doctors can answer for him.

I am sure the other ladies who have already been through this can give you more insight, but I wanted to post to say Hi, give you a little of my own advice, and send thoughts and prayers your way.
  #3  
Unread 03-08-2002, 11:35 AM
New- 13 Days To Go!

Hi, you are not alone. My BF has been really supportive through my surgery (that part was because his best friend is a DR and had explained to him how big a deal it is physically) and rocky recovery but we did have a moment there when my HRT wasn't working properly and I really snapped at him, and he got pretty upset. However, he complained to his mother, who told him "You'd BETTER be nice to her! I've been to Hormone He!!, and I know what she's going through!!!" Ever since then he has been wonderful (it also helps that we got the hormone thing straightened out, at least for now).

I think it's really common that as wonderful as they are, men can't really appreciate what we are going through. It's true, lots of women have hyst's, but you will only have ONE. Plus, every woman is different in her reasons for having the surgery and also her body's recovery from it. It is major abdominal surgery, even if it is done vaginally, and on top of that it's full of emotional issues which many other major surgeries don't have.

Is there another female (mother, sister, aunt, friend, etc.) in your DH's life who has been through this and can help him understand it? Does he have a DR friend who can explain the surgery to him in "guy terms"? These things might help him appreciate it more. Also realize that he might understand but might be very frightened about it and may be sort of "in denial" as a way of minimizing his thoughts about how scary it is for him. You could try telling him how much it means to you to have him there with you to support you through this (men love to feel important and needed).

I hope this helps. Take it from one who went through this alone (BF IS wonderful but he doesn't live with me, at least not yet)...if you can get DH to be "on your side" it will be that much easier for you.

s,

-Linda
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  #4  
Unread 03-09-2002, 01:59 PM
New- 13 Days To Go!

THANKS FOR REPLY!
MY HUBBY DOES KNOW WOMEN WHO HAVE HAD TAHS (sister & mother) AND EVEN MY MOTHER .
I TOLD HIM I WANTED HIM TO UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS MORE AND HOW THIS ISN'T EASY FOR ME, AND HE SAID HE WILL TRY HARDER. I TOLD HIM YOUR ADVICE AND TOLD HIM TO TALK WITH HIS MOM OR SISTER, MAYBE IT WILL HELP. I HOPE SO!
THANKS AGAIN!!!
  #5  
Unread 03-09-2002, 02:03 PM
New- 13 Days To Go!

It sounds like he is trying, doing his best...that's a good sign! Being supportive about "female stuff" doesn't come easy to them. Make sure you let him know how much you appreciate his efforts. Good luck!!!
s,
- Linda
PS After I posted before it occurred to me that another thing you could do is get the Hyster Sisters book and leave it lying around, might help?
  #6  
Unread 03-09-2002, 02:20 PM
New- 13 Days To Go!

Hi,

I too had scar tissue, it will be okay!!

I think that men in general are pretty foggy about what goes on inside our bodies. I know that my hubby got a good lesson in how a chicks body works at the appts. and he asked tons of questions as well. Have you taken him to any appts.? Sometimes that actually makes it more real for them. Remember they are just trying to be supportive, they aren't physically going through it with you.

Email is always on if you want to talk!



Sara
  #7  
Unread 03-09-2002, 05:40 PM
New- 13 Days To Go!

Hi,Payne..men get so wierd about so many things,especially if it involves anything to do with a uterus/vagina/period thing..has anyone noticed??

My husband is a surgeon,and I am really spoiled by this,as he is not the least bit bothered by any discussion on anything physical..he has been with me on this 100%..but my 4 sons? different story!!

The minute you mention PMS,ovary,cyst,painful cramps,or,God forbid,passing clots with a period,they shudder..well,at least the older 2 do,the younger ones aren't quite that bad..My oldest said it just made him hurt to even hear those words..he's been better since being thru childbirth with his 2 kids,but in general,I think most men,unless they are in medicine or something related,tend to get a little freaked..

especially if its someone they care about,and then they feel powerless,and it just compounds everything else..

let him read some of the posts here on this site,he'll see there are LOTS and LOTS of us who think it is a very big deal,and maybe it'll help him a little..

Cynthia
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