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Is it just me or DO MEN JUST DON"T GET IT? Is it just me or DO MEN JUST DON"T GET IT?

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  #1  
Unread 03-16-2002, 03:05 PM
Is it just me or DO MEN JUST DON"T GET IT?

I will be having TAH on March 29th. My husband doesn't act like it's a big deal. My impression is that he thinks I will be in and out of the hospital ready to take care of the house and kids (11 and 7 mos) as soon as I get home.
I've tried to explain it to him a couple of times but he just seems so calm about everything.
Any ideas on how explain the whole procedure to a man so he will understand?
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  #2  
Unread 03-16-2002, 04:20 PM
Men Don't have a clue Lena.

Now yes as I stated before Men don't have a clue, some would like to, some just try to pass it off as an ordinary thing, these are ways that men deal with the fact that their ladies are having a serious surgery. So go easy on him and try to just kind of talk about what is said on the site and see if that will get him to open up to you. My DH did just like yours of course I didn't have small children to take care of, so what you need to do is ask him who you should get to take care of you and the kiddies for a couple of weeks. Then Lena find out who you are going to get to help you for the first two weeks and remember no lifting so you will have to have baby sitting beside you and cuddle baby that way. Your 11 year old just them a lot. God Bless. Good luck with Hubby.
  #3  
Unread 03-16-2002, 04:21 PM
communicating

Lena,
Hopefully he's just trying to hide how worried he is for fear of adding to your distress --yeah, right.
You should buy the hystersisters book and give it to him to read. If he's not a reader, get a yellow highlighter and emphasize the salient points you want to get across to him. I went so far as to cover my copy in woodgrain contact paper so my DH could read it in anonymity in the hospital waiting room instead of looking like wus with a fairy princess book.
When he looks at my little scars from the LAVH he says it hurts him right down to his toes--and he's the kind of guy who never quails at the sight of blood.
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  #4  
Unread 03-16-2002, 04:22 PM
Lena, I know how you feel

My dear Lena, My dh acted the same way. We haven't had much time to think about it because the dr scheduled my TAH and possible BSO and bladder tack within 13 days of appt.
We have talked about everything and he says dont worry hon, everything is going to be just fine. He acted like I was going in to have a tooth pulled or something. I was getting a little annoyed at his lack of concern until the other day. See, my sister and I are married to brothers. Odd situation huh? lol But anyway, she assured me that my dear husband was really scared and had been talking to his brother about it, ( my sisters husband). Well, I had no idea, and I havent told him I know. I think he didnt want to scare me, and he also didnt want me to know how scared he was because he felt I had enough to worry about. And then I think some men use their feelings as a protective mode or something. They are scared and try to act like its no big deal, to avoid talking about their feelings. Just take it easy with him. I'm sure his mind is churning inside. Blessings, Mikki Jo
ps My surgery will be the 20th. Wish me luck.
  #5  
Unread 03-16-2002, 04:25 PM
Is it just me or DO MEN JUST DON"T GET IT?

Oh I am so glad that my husband is not like this I am 3 1/2 weeks post op and he still doesn't want me to do anything He's been wonderful and I think that it attributed to my healing too..For two weeks he let me do NOTHING and I do mean absolutely nothing but to do what I needed to do to take care of me..IE showering and eating but he cooked cleaned etc all of it Now he lets me do the dishwasher if i feel like it He is spoiling me rotten. I did go to a site that a hystersister sent..I think it is pelvicfloor.com and it shows actual pictures of the surgery.Maybe show those to your hubby and he might see it for himself and how hard it is and what they do might change his attitude
  #6  
Unread 03-16-2002, 05:53 PM
Is it just me or DO MEN JUST DON"T GET IT?

Hi Lena,

I am scheduled for my operation on 3/20 - coming up soon now!

I don't have a hubby or boyfriend to deal with right now, and frankly I'm glad! Only DD, and she has already tried her best to be as helpful as possible. I do think she has unrealistic expectations as to how soon I will be ready to go to Disneyland etc., but I'm sure she will be understanding about my recovery time.

There are many many sites on the web that have a number of VERY GRAPHIC photos of a hyst in progress! If your DH insists on remaining in la-la land about how serious the surgery is, you can always show him what the surgery is really about! It will probably make him pass out though, so be sure he falls AWAY from you and the computer, lol, we don't want either one of you to sustain any damage.

Best wishes to you in whipping hubby into line on this one!
  #7  
Unread 03-16-2002, 06:37 PM
Is it just me or DO MEN JUST DON"T GET IT?

Hi Lena,
Two words for your hubby MAJOR SURGERY!! That should be enough for him to know that you wont be able to do alot for a few weeks after you get home. No lifting of kids, pulling, tugging, pushing etc... You will be moving very slowly and will need lots of rest and TLC. Does he even know that a uterus is an organ and any time an organ gets removed from your body, you have to recover from that and it doesnt take a day or two? Honey, he needs to get on this website or talk to your doctor because you are going to need him and his support for a while. Do you have other family or friends that can help out? Men need to get a grip and realize that we do for them and our kids 24/7 and there does come a time when we have to have a break from all of that when surgery is involved. He needs to step up to the plate and do all he can (and then some) to help you out. A majority of them really are clueless. They think we are wonder women. Men also are scared for us too and sometimes they have a hard time telling us their feelings, so he may be being calm about it because he doesnt want to stress you out any more than you already are. Those men are hard to read sometimes.
Anyway, you just "gently" remind him that you have having major surgery and there are alot of things you wont be able to do for a while and if he doesnt belive it, they will remind him at the hospital when you get ready to check out. They will go over a list of things you cannot do. He'll get the hint then.
Good luck to you and let us know how it goes. He will do fine Im sure. Most of them do!
  #8  
Unread 03-16-2002, 07:17 PM
Is it just me or DO MEN JUST DON"T GET IT?

Lena,

Let your husband surf the web over to: www.pelvicfloor.com

After he sees the pictures of EXACTLY what your surgery will be like, he may be less inclined to blow off how MAJOR this really is.

Like they say, "A picture is worth a THOUSAND words." And believe me, the pictures he will see on that site will put him in his place!

Wishing you an uneventful surgery and a speedy recovery!
  #9  
Unread 03-17-2002, 03:56 AM
Is it just me or DO MEN JUST DON"T GET IT?

i know what you mean....
before my surgery my DH got a chest infection,so i had no support prior to my surgery he was just tooooooo ill!!!!!!
I am now 4 weeks post-op and he now has a cold.I sit there not saying a word about my aches and pains and hes sitting there saying ohh my nose,my ears etc etc sniff sniff.How can he moan?????
Then last night he did say it is hard you know having to do it all.As if recovering from major surgery isnt.We have 3 young boys and to make it easier the youngest has been at a childminders so he hasnt even had him.I look after the boys,the house,cook,clean etc etc and do i moan!!!!
Men just dont realise what an easy life they have do they?You have my sympathy and i wish you all the best for your surgery.Please come on moan here,i did and it really helped me.
Debbiexxxxxx
  #10  
Unread 03-17-2002, 09:22 AM
Is it just me or DO MEN JUST DON"T GET IT?

Dear Lena ~

It is so nice to know that I am not the only one! About a year ago I had some minor surgerys to get down to the bottom on my pain, (tubal ligation, D&C, Hysteroscopy, Laproscopy). Anyways...long story short....my doc found endo/had a TAH/BSO. When I came home from the doc and told my DH that I had to have this done, (get this) he looked at me and said "Didn't you have that done the last time?". I thought to myself, is this man on the same planet that I am on? Of course, I had to explain things to him again! Well, about a week before my surgery, I had a major melt down! I typically do everything! I was very worried that my DH and son (10yrs old) would not be able to things the way I do them! On the day of my surgery, my doc talked to my DH about what she was doing and what to expect and most of all what I was NOT allowed to do. While in the castle, my DH saw how painful it was and he got freaked out by my staples and almost passed out (LOL)! I was pleasantly surprised when I got home! My DH and son were troopers! I did not want for anything! It even crossed my mind to pretend that the recovery had to be a little longer to continue to enjoy my crown! I don't sit still very well and as soon as I got my car keys back, I was on the road and my crown got kicked to the curb. I am 4wks post op and still can't lift, so I still get out of unloading the groceries. It's not that men don't get it, they don't like to see us hurt. My DH feels like he has to fix everything. If I have learned anything from this....it's patience! Don't worry....your DH may occasionally have relapses, but when it come down to it, I am sure he will be a trooper too!

~ Kimberly
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