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Unread 03-26-2002, 06:07 PM

Hello Ladies,

I am wondering if any of you out there have college-age DS or DD that keep popping up every other day (or so it seems) since they found out about surgery even though they supposedly live elsewhere now.

My DS is in the military :usflag:, stationed 4 1/2 hours away from home, attending training school. He is coming home every weekend if he doesn't have duty. He enlisted at the end of July right out of high school, so this is the first time he has really been away from home for any length of time. I have explained everything to him, answered all his questions, and now he just can't seem to stay away. I know he is concerned and/or worried, but I need him to maintain his normal routine as much as possible. Besides, I can't afford to feed him anymore.

What I am asking, I guess, is how do you make them feel ok about what is happening when you're not so sure yourself?

Thanks and
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Unread 03-26-2002, 06:24 PM

Judy,you know you can''t make those kids do anything

My daughter is 22, my son is 20...DD came to see me the first night in the hospital,fell all to pieces as soon as she saw me throw up. Started yelling at all the nurses to do something,and my husband had to tell her to go home.

Same thing the second night,so we told her to STAY home. She didn't come near me except for a wave at the door for about 4 days after I got home. About the 5th day,she was actually in the room,when I had to get up and pee,she saw my incision,collapsed on the floor and just cried her eyes out.

Needless to say,she didn't take any of it very well.

My 20 year old son,on the other hand,was a lot cooler than I expected him to be..came to see me in the hospital,helped me to the bathroom, pushed my IV pole..never blinked an eye when I was dry heaving nonstop..sat with me while my husband ran down to get a sandwich,was totally in control..

at home,he made me tea,soup,brought me movies,helped fix my pillows,and in general,was a lot more help than I thought he'd be..

Funny thing about all this is..BEFORE surgery,my daughter was totally okay about everything...I thought she'd be fine.
My son was like,I don't even want to hear the word "OVARY", I'll get sick.

You NEVER know how they're going to act...now of course,I am my daughters main attraction for all her girlfriends,who all troop upstairs and ask me lurid questions,and peer with ghastly fascination at my incision.. hehehehe!!

You can prepare your son as best you can,but you'll never know till it actually takes place,how the surgery will affect him..my odds are that he'll do okay

Luck to you,and keep us posted..

Unread 03-27-2002, 08:56 PM

I have a 20 year old son of course last year he was only 19 when I had my surgery. He was overly concerned and kept asking me if I really needed then he would say yes Mom go for it if it will make you feel better. He was the one who took care of me when I got home. He went and got food and fixed it for me etc. The only thing he didn't do was clean house. My DH tried to keep that up some. My DS is in college about 1 1/2 hours away and has his own apartment but he came home and stayed with Mom until I was able to take care of my self. They adapt so well. I think involving them in the pre and post normal things helps. God Bless. Hold that concern to your heart lots of kids could care less.
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Unread 03-27-2002, 09:03 PM

I have 2 daughters: Oldest is a 24 year old, married and lives 4 1/2 hours away. She is a registered nurse and took a week off to come home to be my private nurse. My other daughter is 21, lives at home and is a nursing student. So, between the two of them I had great care. I think they like to be close by to be reassured that we are going to be ok.
Unread 03-28-2002, 06:59 AM

I have 11, 13, 20 yo. The 20 yo DS lives in a another state thank goodness. We didn't tell any of them until a couple of days before my surgery. (Mine was partly because of an ovarian mass and I didn't want them to know I was worried.) My older DS was called immediately after the surgery and told that I was fine and my younger kids came to the hospital that very night. My husband explained everything before they got there (suprapubic catheter, IV's, epidural, etc.) so nothing was a surprise and they knew I was on pain meds and so they knew I'd look and act a little sleepy.

But back to your question, I think that kids, expecially older ones, remember you as the strong one that is always taking care of THEM. In my 20's, if someone that was middle age went to the hospital, it always seemed like it was the "beginning of the end". I could never have imagined my mother taking ill for longer than a couple of days and NEVER in the hospital. Maybe an explanation that while this is major surgery and there is always a risk with major surgery (albeit a very low one), you are going to be better off for this surgery and back to normal very soon.
Unread 03-28-2002, 10:28 AM

My DD is a freshman in college and my DS is 16 yrs old. DS is not too worried or at least doesn't seem to be. Although when I had my D&C and Lap he was very attentive.

My DD is another thing. School is about 2 1/2 hours away and she is getting a little concerned. She doesn't plan to come home for the surgery and I'm fine with that. I've just explained what's happening and that I probably won't feel great for a couple of weeks. She has plans to come home the weekend before surg and the weekend after. I told her not to worry and have plans to have DH or my mom call her. I'm taking phone cards with so that I can call her myself to let her know things will be okay.

All you can do is try to reassure them, while making them realize you WILL NOT be yourself for a few days.

I wish you luck!

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