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How to explain to others I am Happy? How to explain to others I am Happy?

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Unread 04-02-2002, 12:30 AM
How to explain to others I am Happy?

Hello, I am new to registering but sooo happy to have found this web-site. I have felt very alone till now. I am 26 (27 in April) and have a surgery date for May 15, 2002.
My question to anyone is I feel very happy at the fact that my Dr's have finially agreed that I am old enough not to be in pain any more (16yrs of pain). But every time I talk to friends and family I get the same response "You shouldn't get it done till you are older, are you sure this is what you want, what if something ever happened to your daughter you would not be able to have anymore children, what if you change your mind down the road". These are all the different responses, no one is ever happy for me. These people have seen me in severe pain they have even been there to take me to the hospital because the pain was so bad. I know they all mean well but it is starting to feel like they don't care because they are trying to talk me out of it. My quality of life is at stake and I can't seem to get that through to them. If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it.
Thanks for listening.
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Unread 04-02-2002, 01:46 AM

WELCOME, so great to have you aboard, Mate I am so glad to hear that you are so positive about your decision on having a hyst. It is one that has to be decided upon seriously as yes there is no going back, BUT if that decision has been made by gathering all the information you can, and by talking it over with your DR, and ending with you feeling totally comfortable with the decision that you have made, then girl you go for it.
Yes you are young but there is not an age limit on when you should have a hyst. Everyones symptoms are different. Do not let others sway your decision, they are probably saying things like they are out of care and concern. It is a big decision to make. You can not live your life with "What Ifs"!! If we did that we would be scared to leave our houses each day.
I wish you luck with your surgery and may it end all your problems. Please also come into chat and have a yarn, there are so many lovely ladies in there and you would be greatly welcomed. Hugs and keep us posted Vicki AKASmilie
Unread 04-02-2002, 04:01 AM
How to explain to others I am Happy?

Hi Misti,

Welcome to Hystersisters!! I'm glad that you found us.

I'm so sorry that on top of your pain you are having to deal with family and friends who don't seem to understand right now. But, I also agree with Vicki, it may just be that they are concerned and don't know how to show it.

Since you have been in pain for 16 years and you and your doctors have thoroughly discussed your various options and decided that having a hyst is what's best for the quality of your life, then please try not to let the comments upset you. I hope there is someone in your family who does understand and support your decision. Maybe you could ask that person to let the others know how you feel.

We'll all be here for you.


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Unread 04-02-2002, 04:28 AM
How to explain to others I am Happy?

Hi Misti,
I'm older than you, and my two kids are just about grown up. Most people were supportive about my decision, but there were a couple of friends who were very negative about surgery in general and a hyst in particular. I was very comfortable with my decision, and I was very happy to finally have a date. I tried very hard to keep my attitude positive so I chose to stay away from the negatives prior to surgery. That's a hard, if not impossible, thing to do when it's family being negative. I think I would make an attempt to explain that you didn't make this decision lightly, you do know that it is a final step, and that it is a quality of life decision; you need them to support your decision, if they can't be supportive, please keep the negative thoughts to themselves or you will need to limit your contact with them until after surgery. The person who told you what if something should happen to your child you wouldn't be able to have another is incredibly insensitive! The idea that you would have a second child to replace the first one is almost obscene. And there is no guarantee that you would even be able to have a second child, having one doesn't automatically mean that is going to be easy to conceive the second time.

Good luck
Unread 04-02-2002, 04:50 AM
How to explain to others I am Happy?

Dear Misti,

Since you are young and female many people think that they know better than you. I'm sure they feel that they are looking out for your best interests by raising doubts about your decision. I think that Moms especially have the tendency to argue the opposite of whatever their daughters suggest! My Mom, who had a hysterectomy at 32 and insists it was one of the best decisions she ever made, nonetheless tried to talk me out of having one for similar reasons at 48!

You might try the broken record technique when "well-wishers" begin to argue against you. Say that you appreciate their concern but you and your doctors have decided this is the best course for you and That is That. Let them know that the decision making process is over--the decision HAS BEEN MADE. And that if they want to be helpful, they will support your choice; not argue against you. Then change the subject. Do this every time they bring it up.

Even though you have resolved that hyst. is the best solution for you, youth or politeness can tend to make one less than firm in taking a stand with family & friends--who still think the subject is open for discussion. The more you convey confidence in your decision and refuse to engage in further debate on the issue, the better they'll understand that your mind is made up and come to accept it.

Good Luck!
Unread 04-02-2002, 02:12 PM

Thank-you everyone who replied. It makes me feel so much better to know I am not so alone. I will take into account all of your advice when speaking to my family and friends, it can only get better.
Thank-you all again.
Unread 04-02-2002, 11:32 PM
How to explain to others I am Happy?

Misti, I got a lot of flak for my decision from the alternative-medicine folks I hang out with (acupuncturist, yoga teacher, etc.). I tried to find a way to explain that what I need from them is positives, not negatives.

I sent out an email announcement to friends & relatives explaining that I was having a hyst, I was happy about it, I had done the research and knew the risks, and what I really needed from them was support and not horror stories or cautions. That worked really well.

You can also emphasize that it's not like you're happy about the prospect of surgery, but about ending years of pain and looking forward to a life with fewer limits.

And you can come to hystersisters where we all understand!

Good luck!


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