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My husband doesn't understand that this is major surgery... My husband doesn't understand that this is major surgery...

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  #1  
Unread 04-04-2002, 07:11 AM
My husband doesn't understand that this is major surgery...

Good morning Ladies. My husband doesn't understand that my upcoming hyster is major surgery. My TAH is scheduled on 4/17, and I am so nervous. My husband is working on his MBA and is only taking 2 days off from work, 4/17 and 18, to be with me. He then told me this morning that he has to go to class on the 20th and he's signed up to coach a basketball league after class on the 20th and the 21st. After all this, he tells me "I love you".

I am so upset and angry. My mom lives in Southern Cal, and won't be able to come up to Northern Cal to be with me. My only support will come from my girls--ages 11, 13 and my son 17.

A part of me says that I can do this on my own, but I'm so nervous and as that day gets closer it's more difficult for me to build up the strength to shrug off his indifference.

Oh well, just wanted to vent. I'm happy this forum is available to me.

Tonya
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  #2  
Unread 04-04-2002, 07:44 AM
My husband doesn't understand that this is major surgery...

Tanya,

It sounds like you need to have the doctor talk to your husband. I'm having my TAH on Monday, and the pre-admitting nurse at the hospital and my health insurance nurse asked specifically to make sure I would have help at home after the surgery. My husband's office is only 10 minutes from the house so I'll probably let him go back to work pretty quickly. He realizes there may be times he needs to leave the office if I call, and I also am going to have him come home for lunch in the beginning. Luckily, his work situation is pretty flexible so we can do this.

I was actually concerned in the beginning that my husband was going to give me a list of chores once I was home because my doctor suggested that I be active and walk around to help with the healing. I ended up calling my doctor and confirmed that I need to listen to my body when I get home and if I get the urge to do some minor chores I can do them if my body is okay with it. If my body responds negatively, then I need to back off a bit.

Remind your husband that you are having organs removed and need time to recover. You will also need more pampering that usual.

Hope this helps!
Susan
  #3  
Unread 04-04-2002, 07:51 AM
My husband doesn't understand that this is major surgery...

Hi Tonya,

I agree - you should have the doctor speak with your husband so he knows what exactly is happening to you. Also, I can't remember the name of the site.....it's been posted out here so please ladies help me out - something like "pelvic floor" or something like that - maybe it's in the "helpful links" actually, I think it is! If you take him there, he can SEE what will happen...not for the queasy I think but it may surprise him and change his view a little and decide the "coaching" job isn't quite as important anymore.

Keep coming out here and reading - the best thing you can do is stay informed!

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  #4  
Unread 04-04-2002, 12:11 PM
My husband doesn't understand that this is major surgery...


Hi. I totally understand what you are saying. I had TVH/BSO on 3-18 came home on 3-20 and was totally alone. My husband brought me home and then left. To top it off my son became ill and missed school 3-21 and 3-22. So here I was just home from the hospital and also had a sick child ( 11yr). Things worked out great though. Just take it very easy and slow and you should do ok. I don't have any family close either. Somehow I made it , with God's help. If you can get your husband to go with you to talk with your dr. or read any kind of article pertaining to hysterectomies then maybe that would help. My husband didn't know how to deal with this and he just blocked it out. He has eventually came around but those first few days he just couldn't handle it.
Best Wishes to you Terri
  #5  
Unread 04-04-2002, 01:07 PM
Pelvicfloor.com

http://www.pelvicfloor.com/

I showed this site to my husband. He's a paramedic and RN and before he saw the website he said he sees this kind of stuff all the time. However when he looked at the picture found by clicking on the image library from a Vaginal hysterectomy and repair of cystocele/rectocele [12] his words were "Honey I hope they keep you in the hospital longer than when you had the kids". He was shocked! He helped me out more than I ever expected and did EVERYTHING (helped me in the shower in case I dropped the soap, cooked and fed us all, did grocery shopping, carried the laundry out and washed it, I was able to fold it reclined in a chair so felt helpful that way and drove the kids to and from school the first two weeks till I felt up to driving at 3 weeks) while I stayed in bed for the first two weeks. It is MAJOR surgery and you have tons of stitches inside you regardless of how it's done. One wrong thing or overdoing it and you could set your recovery back. If he were sick and had a heart attack or had major surgery you would take care of him. He needs to be there for you as much as he can. This is not like having a baby and coming home to take care of things like I originally thought. I even posted a question as to if I could come home and do dishes like I did after I had my son and they advised me NO WAY!! A baby is supposed to come out. A uterus is cut out and you could really hurt yourself or have a longer recovery if you do something you're not supposed to.
  #6  
Unread 04-04-2002, 02:43 PM
My husband doesn't understand that this is major surgery...

Hi Tonya ,
My hubby took off the day of surgery and that was it.My mom lives
with me so she took a week vacation to help me out.I think the problem is they are so use to us taking care of them and they don't know how to take care of us.He even worked the day i got out the hospital. he left early to come pick me up.they figured why
should they stay at home and your in the hospital?Anyway good
luck with the surgery and don't worry your kids will be there for
you.


Take Care
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