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What am I doing????? What am I doing?????

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Unread 04-17-2002, 08:52 AM
What am I doing?????

Hi all,
I use to visit this site and stopped because I had decided I wasn't going to have a hysterectomy............ and didnt want to be a part of this whole princess thing. Although a cute idea... I still wanted no part of it....

Well here I am.... have surgery in less than two weeks. Needless to say........... I keep questioning myself.... what the heck am I doing? Will I really go through with this?
I have a giant fibroid... and heavy periods. Last month, was the worse........... passed out twice in one day. (sort of passed out, made it to laying position first)
Although many times I'd get all pasty white and weak during those horrid days, this time scared me and I called to make appointment.
I will be having LSH, and am waiting today for results of blood test yesterday to see if my blood count is okay for surgery in 10 days............. YIKES 10 days! Me and the doctor dissagree on my keeping ovaries.... I win, they stay.. (I'm 47 and have had two aunts who have had ovarian cancer) For me, my personal choice... is, I dont want to exchange one problem for another. (heavy bleeding for the possiblity of not finding the hrt that works... changing this or that, etc)............ IF I am going to do this, I want a few years of no issues. When ovaries quit working, I'll than look at taking ovaries out.
I am so afraid of EVERYTHING......... today's fear is........... will the doctor caterize everything completely so that I don't accidently bend wrong and bleed internally........... last night's fear was..... will I go in wearing a pad (of course I will be having surgery on my WORST flow day) and come out wearing a diaper, (meaning I will be a vegetable and not recover from being put under).

I dont even want to start with my whole "sex could be different" fear............ I'll save that one till tomorrow.. lol

Someone tell me all this is normal and not some big sign for me to pay attention to and back out of this whole thing!!

Thanks for letting me vent, rant and rave...
Sure hope I didnt make others have new fears in the process.
xo DonnaFay
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Unread 04-17-2002, 09:18 AM
What am I doing?????

Yep, Its normal

I had numerous small fibroids, adenomyosis, and massive scar tissue on one ovary..plus a double uterus and cervix which complicated the surgery. Was I sacred? DEFINITELY.

I too have been fighting this for 3 years. Of course no one knew what was wrong until I started bleeding every day for 2 months. They still couldn't find anything, but suggested a hysterectomy since i was 53. I went for it without a second opinion because it felt right to me.

I chose to have my ovaries removed(gut feeling) even though there has been no ovarian cancer in my family. At 47 I was already heading into menopause and they were getting near to useless then. ( I know they still put out some hormones after menopause) I've been on HRT since January as I am now. I have not noticed any difference. I never did have hot flashes or night sweats. I did have vaginal atrophy and that was why I was on HRT

Note some women have ovarian shut down for awhile after a hysterectomy. Some have ovaries that never recoup. Most have no problems. Just to let you know so you don't worry if it happens.

I hope you don't back out. THe waiting is the hardest part. But in the end, the decision is up to you. If you truly don't want this surgery(although with your symptoms, I would be begging ) Then you need to follow your feelings.
Unread 04-17-2002, 09:21 AM
Hi DonnaFay

Welcome and
All of your fears and second guessing are very normal. We all went through it. It is not a sign that you should "back out" of this whole thing. Although no one here would tell you what to do. We are here to support you in your decision. However I don't know of anyone that would want to go back to the way they were before surgery.
I can only tell you that life is wonderful without heavy bleeding, clotting, PMS, weakness and fatigues, and spending the retirement fund on pads.
Just make sure you are happy with your choice of surgeon and hospital. I had no problems with pain, anesthesia, pain meds, recovery issues etc. Everything went really well. Even HRT only took me about 2 weeks to work out.
As for sex (I'll save you from asking, but feel free to anyway. )
For many of us it is the same or better. Especially the women who had pain with intercourse and who are now pain free and can really enjoy sex for the first time in years. It is also nice not to worry about when you will be bleeding all over the place.
I know some women say they no longer have the uterine contractions with orgasm, cuz the uterus is not there. I expected that too. But something is still contracting and it feels the same.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you.
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Unread 04-17-2002, 09:52 AM
What am I doing?????

My massage therapist pointed out to me that chronic recurring pain takes its toll on the body. He basically told me he thought my body had taken a vote and decided to evict my uterus, hence my decision to have the hyst.

Afterwards, my doc told me my uterus had actually dropped lower before the surgery, like it was ready to leave. It's like my uterus said, "You can't fire me, I quit!"

Pre-op fears and doubts are completely normal. I was sure I'd have every possible post-op complication!

The real question is -- do you want/need the benefits of hysterectomy badly enough to go through the surgery? It sounds like surgery could really help you with some of the things that make your life difficult right now. But ultimately, you're the only one who knows what's best for you.

From what I understand, LSH is the easiest surgery to recover from. I bet you'll do great.

Good luck!

Unread 04-17-2002, 10:12 AM
What am I doing?????

Just a thought, dear . . .

Your fear is understandable--I'm scared to pieces, too. But do you want to go through this all over again in the event you decide, or need, to have your ovaries removed? With your family history, please think real hard about this. Please.

I need to have an ovary removed, and my doctor suggested removing my tilted, misshapen, fibroidy uterus. My fibroids are not too big, and at first I said no to the uterus removal. My mother-in-law told me her experiences of having an ovary removed. Then a couple years later it was the uterus. And then after that the other ovary. Her advice? Get it all done at once! The thought of going through this experience multiple times made my decision easier. I'm having a hard enough time with the prospect of this surgery. I have no desire to be a "pro" at this!!

Fear aside, what else is holding you back? Please let me know how I can help.

Hugs and luck to you.

Unread 04-17-2002, 10:20 AM
What am I doing?????

Thanks Virgina, Lisa, and Shelly......... (sure hope I got the names right, brain fog and all.. lol)
Your support is greatly appreciated.

I am fine one minute.. than the reality that... "eeeek I am gonna hurt like hell" arises. (or any number of eeeeeeeeeeeks, new and improved ones, to make me freak)
The one common thing I keep reading here over and over is..... the waiting is the hardest part. I have to keep reminding myself... you all are not part of some big conspiracy to "hystersize the whole world"... Surely it is okay to trust the wisdom found here, to believe this waiting/fear stage is all part of the process and it too shall pass!

Okay one more issue........... (yeah right.. )
The moment you woke up............ were you in bad pain at that moment?
I had D and C's before and the moment I woke up, it was painful.
My doctor doesnt give morphine pump... not that I would want it anyways, I am sure I would find fault with that concept too..

My poor doctor, he will need meds by the time he is done with me.. lol (as you can imagine)......... hell, you all will need meds by the time I am done with this.. lol
thanks again for all your support and wisdom.
xoxo DonnaFay
Unread 04-17-2002, 10:30 AM
What am I doing?????

I do understand what you are saying.
I have given it thought.

For me, I would rather not take ovaries at this time (unless they dont look good for any reason).
I have a anxiety disorder about taking any medicine... tried birth control pills before and, well, that didnt go well. If I had to think about overcoming my medicine fears right now too......... it would push me over the edge. I can not deal with the thought of having to take hormones at this time. (have breast cancer in my family too).
I would rather just push for ultrasounds on ovaries ever year (or whatever) and pray that a test will come along soon to detect it.
And also think about taking them out when I am already on hrt.
Yes two surgeries do not sound like fun.. ;(
BUT for me, it sounds better than hrt now.

I know, it doesnt make logical sense........... and that fear is calling the shots in my decission. Just like it is for those who elect to remove them. It's the lessor fear that we all choose.
You support and incouragement is so very appreciated, thank you so much.
xo DonnaFay
Unread 04-17-2002, 11:09 AM
Hi DonnaFay

I had the general anesthesia. When I woke up it did hurt for a few seconds. They were already putting the morphine in the pump. I told them it hurt and they kept adding more. It was like a dull burn. It was not like I was in major pain and fortunately they got it under control very fast. Like under a minute. It was the only pain I had in the hospital. I was sore yes, when I would get up to walk. Then I got smart and gave myself a "hit" of the morphine before I got up and no problems.
I think if you have the epideral the pain relief lasts longer so you don't have that in between time. They can also put other pain meds into your IV or give you pain pills if you don't want the morphine. I had no trouble with the morphine or the pump though. I liked it.
I have read of some women keeping the epideral in for 48 hours and getting a continuous dose of pain meds.
Please discuss all the options with your doctor and anesthesiologist.
Unread 04-17-2002, 11:34 AM
What am I doing?????


I had general anesthesia. YOU DO NEED something after you wake up. Thank goodness for my morphine pump I'm not a big fan of meds and have fought taking them for years. But I am glad that we have advanced in our medicine to the point we have the drugs that are available when needed.

If you don't want the general anesthesia and pain relieving pump, then with your doctor's approval, you may want to try an epidural.

There comes a time when going natural and toughing out just becomes a silly war between, "I ought to be able" and "Darn this smarts!" Darn this smarts won for me. And you know, its been proven you do heal faster with pain management.
Unread 04-17-2002, 11:43 AM
What am I doing?????

Shelly and Virgina,
Having epuderal (however you spell it) isnt an option. Was told that the gas they use pushes up to diaprahm and makes you think you cant breath....... you can, it is just a freaky sensation.

I also asked about epuderal to be in place for that moment when you wake up......... my doctor doesnt think that is necassary. (but you know I will ask the guy who puts me under.. lol)

This whole thing is so friggen gross to me..
I see the doctor next monday (week before surgery) I will ask again about epuderal.

thanks for support
xo DonnaFay

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