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Unread 04-18-2002, 05:01 AM
I wanna Cry

I emailed my sister last night to let her know all that was going on with me and how the plans for surgery are going. She emailed back ~ and didnt say some nice words. Trying to tell me I am wrong for doing this, too young, and act just like my mother (she made things up half the time that were wrong with her medically). My sister is a nurse (ok, graduates next month) and thinks she knows everything. I was quite upset over her email. At first I did not want to reply, but I did. I told her I won't share personal details about my life anymore if that was the way people were going to treat me. Im sorry for venting.. but why do people who havent been in this position TRY to tell you what to do and that THEY know what it is like?

5 days to go
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Unread 04-18-2002, 05:13 AM


Go ahead and cry, it's therapeutic. Surely your sister thought she was saying the right thing, but you are right, she has not been in your shoes. Does she think you WANT to have surgery? Does anyone really want to have surgery? No, we just want the results that the surgery will give us.

I'm sure your sister will come around, and I hope it's in time to offer you support before and immediately after your surgery, but if not, remember you have all your sisters here.

As a nurse, she no doubt thought she should share any medical knowledge/advice she had with you. She is probably also scared and confused because she loves you.

You are in my prayers that you and your sister will make peace before your big day in the castle.

Unread 04-18-2002, 05:14 AM
I wanna Cry

Hey, Amy, you do what's right for you - and you know in your heart whatever is right for you - and other people, even relatives, will have to deal with that whatever way they want. Don't make their problem into your problem.
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Unread 04-18-2002, 05:25 AM
I wanna Cry

I've been in the medical industry for over 20 years and nursing students think they know EVERYTHING. And she is just that, a nursing student. Wait until she gets out into the real world and begins to understand that nothing is black and white in medical science. The textbooks tell you what is ideal, but every situatin is different and she will learn this over time.

That aside, there is something about sisters and the opinions they feel they should exert over each other. I have three sisters. Luckily, one of them had already had a TAH/BSO 4 years ago and the other two have no strong opinions either way. But when it comes to other issues, they really feel that they should put their two cents in.

Ignore her opinions, tell her "Thank you for your input, but I really told you so that you could provide emotional support, not medical advice." And hopefully she will give you that and nothing else.

Hope your cry was a good one. You deserve it. Hang in there. Before long, you will be one very happy camper!
Unread 04-18-2002, 05:59 AM
I wanna Cry

She also told me to get a second opinion. What she doesnt know is my regular GYN is my second opinion. My gyn had referred me to GI doc and HE was the one to suggest I have a hysterectomy. Hows that sound?

Anyway... havent cried yet.. I wanna do more than that. I wanna call her and chew her out over the phone, or run and hide.. I dont know yet. I feel lost on one hand, then found on the other. I know this is the right decision, but people like her making me feel this way doesnt help matters.
Unread 04-18-2002, 06:16 AM
I wanna Cry

Hi amy
's to you!
You know my mother is the same way. She has no idea what I am going through and is not very supportive at all. I called last week crying telling her they changed my surgery date and I that I had to switch everything that I had arranged. She went as far as to say geesh--people do this every day it's only surgery get over it and quit crying!!!!!!! How's that one my own mother. She said I was worried too much---yes but I also told he that I am SCARED TO DEATH___ her comment oh women do this every day --there is nothing to be scared of.
So I have decided not to share by thoughts with her now.
I can not imagine how she will be when she comes to help with the kids after surgery.
You think you can turn to family --but I guess we can always turn to our sister's here!!!
Thanks for always being here ladies !!!!!!
Unread 04-18-2002, 06:50 AM
I wanna Cry

Hi Amy
I felt like I just had to say something here. Has your sister been in your shoes or has she had periods like yours? If she hasn't then she can't possibly know how you feel. There are women out there that really have no clue as to what we have all been going thru. Not a clue but they can still empathizes with us. Ignore what your sister said. I on the other hand have a sister that when I told her that I was thinking about the surgery said that there isn't a soap box big enough for her to stand on to tell me how wonderful life will be afterwards. Then she told my Mother that I was doing this and my Mother was upset that I hadn't told her. She had one done 30 something years ago and just raved on about how much better her life is because of this. My family and I didn't have any relationship for 12 years but as we all grew older things changed and we decided to support each other and not pull at each other. Time will bring your family around. I do have one sister though that even after 20 years we still don't talk. Some people even sisters can't empathize and that is their problem. Don't let it be yours. They can only hurt you if you let them. I didn't read your age or your reasons for doing this but if your doing it, it is because you "need" a better way of life. Hang in there.. All of us Sisters will be more than happy to help.
Unread 04-18-2002, 07:38 AM

I am 28 and doing this for 2 reasons: 1st reason is suspected microscopic endometriosis. 2nd reason is cause I have a mild prolapse. all in all.. doing it cause i hate my uterus and the painful periods, etc.
Unread 04-18-2002, 08:11 AM
You are #1!!!

You are number one and that is all you have to think about is Number one.

There is not much else you can do with a prolapsed uterus, it isn't going to get better, and your sister as a nurse thinking she knows it all should know this, and the pain you are experiencing.

She will get over it, she is probably just worried about you. People react differently in situations like this. And when she gets out there in that medical field, she is going to have to deal with it all the time, and she will have a better understanding on how life really is.

She will sympathize with people that are sick, etc. and their families, and if she doesn't she shouldn't be in the nursing field.

You just replied to my post, and you are right behind me in surgery's, I will think about you and smile (on Wed), knowing you are going off to la la land and all your pain taken away!

Good luck

Unread 04-18-2002, 10:13 AM
I wanna Cry

Hi Amy,

Just know that for everyone who thinks it's a mistake, there is a medical staff and other who are vindicating your decision.

For example, My mother was great, saying that whatever I chose she would support. My DH, father, and girlfriends were the same. Then there is the one "unmentionable" that I know will not understand until she sees that I'm healthier, happier, and living without the pain. SO....I'm focusing on the others right now and I'll wait for her to eat crow later. LOL!

Good luck...and thanks for sharing this and letting me know that I'm not the only one dealing with someone's inability to support my choices!!

You're in my thoughts!!!!

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