that lingering fear..

Hi Ladies,
Just need to vent. A good friend of my mom's had a mastectomy a couple of years ago. Her lymph nodes were clear and she was told that she did not need any further treatment. Anyway, she is now dying. The cancer spread to her bones.

This got me depressed (for her) and fearful. I know that my prognosis is excellent but this brought that fear back to the surface again. She is living my worst nighmare. What if that one cell is still floating around?

The only good thing about feeling this way is that it makes me stop and appreciate my children's smiles (ages 4 and 7 and amazing) all the more. Thanks for listening.

-Denise

Cervical adenocarcinoma Stage 1A TVH 11/16/01

Denise, I think we who have had a brush with cancer always have that fear and it is brought back home when you hear stories like this one of your mum's friend. I dont think there is any answer but know that it is normal. My prognosis is excellent as well but still I suffer from 'cancer head ' all the what ifs ....... I wish I had an answer but remember we are always here for you when you feel like this xxxx

I am so sorry for this lady . I will keep her in my prayers

s Denise

That fear will always be a part of your life. I can't imagine it will ever leave completely. All you can do is continue to have all the followup exams and or testing as is recommended for you.

But it is that same awareness of life's fragility that makes you appreciate your kids smiles in an extra special way. We really do learn what is important!!

karenann

{{Denise}}

I know these fears are hard to get past, especially when you know of or hear of someone who's had a recurrence like this. I don't know of any sure fire way to keep these fears at bay with the exception of addressing my health in a very proactive way now.

A child's smile is well worth the time to stop and notice isn't it? Going through something like this certainly puts everything into a different perspective.

{{hugs}}

Vicki

Hi Denise,

Boy, can I relate to how you are feeling. Just after I received my cervical cancer diagnosis, I visited a neighbor a few streets from me. She had breast cancer two years ago and her son and my daughter were in the same Preschool class. Well, she did so well and was always walking with her kids around my neigborhood, and I just dropped by to let her know what was going on with me. To my surprise, she was lying down after having a port catheter implanted. She told me that her breast cancer had spread to her bones, specifically her pelvis. I was so depressed by that...and I still had yet to undergo my operation in a week. However, this woman is such an inspiration to me. She always has a positive attitude and a smile...

I think now I will be giving out more hugs to my kids and more smiles to more people...I think I have been given a gift to really appreciate the good. I'm also realistic and know that I will have those moments that some others refer to as "cancer head" and will just try to be as positive as I can.

These ladies here in Cancer Concerns are such a big support, aren't they?! I know they have been for me, even though I don't write a lot!! Of course, now that I'm almost three weeks post-op, I can sit at my computer for a little longer now!!

Take care and a big to you!

Ladies,
Thank you so much for your support. You're words of wisdom and support are always so helpful. Part of what freaked me out is that my mother started pressuring me to get radiation. I am only 36 and know that radiation puts you into menopause and created a whole new set of problems. I saw several oncologists who all told me that radiation was not called for. They told me that the chances of my cancer reoccuring was less than 1%.

Anyway, I guess this fear is something that I'll have to live with for a while.

-Denise

Call me Pollyanna, but I truly believe in the power of positive thinking as far as all this "cancer head" stuff goes...Sure, every once in awhile I think...yikes - what if the alien is back? But I know if it is, we'll fight it again just as we did before...and whatever time we win so very precious. Denise, your doctor says the chance of your cancer recurring is less than 1% - HALLELUJAH!
Grab onto that 99+% and run with it...LIVE!
HUGS - Molly

Thanks for sharing your fears. I had complete hysterectoy per class 1 utirine cancer and dr says all is AOK. i too get those hidden worries. It was a highlight when I passed my one year anniversary this January. Others didnt understand. Thats ok.

The experience sure made me more sure about sticking to things that are really important to me. In my case its grandkids ..well the parents too...and working in the Lutheran Church and other interdemonimational groups for hunger and justice issues.

Peace be with you. Carol

Denise, I think I am longer post hyst than a lot of people here (1999) and that "cancer head" does rear it's ugly head once in a while but it does get better as time goes on. I have to say that even though I only have annual checkups now I still get a little nervous until I get the results of the pap. I still see the oncologist once a year because he suggested that I still see him. I also see my regular gyn for other gyn issues. I think the cancer has changed me for the better and now I am not as likely to stay late at work because I know even better how precious time can be with my children and husband. I do take time to smell the flowers now. And I don't want to be anyone's patient anymore so I think I live a healthier life. Time heals our hurts and this "hurt" will also get better. Take one day at a time. Look at how far you have already come. Take care and be good to yourself.


To Gail from MA, I am from MA also. Lynn, which isn't far from you but now for the past few years I live in New York after I got married. A part of me will always belong to Ma and I get excited when I see people from Ma.