todays doctor visit

On Wednesday, i will be 6 weeks post op from the pelvic exenteration and feel pretty good, now that the incision infection is being treated and my bladder is starting to behave
Today I saw the new oncologist that the surgeon referred me to.
He lacks the warmth of the surgeon and also the optimism. He said that even though the path reports came out clean, he believes the vaginal tumor spread from some other place in my body, because there were no in situ changes to suggest it originated there. He has no idea where the cancer is, but said perhaps a distant spread from my lungs, head or esophagus. I don't smoke, have no symptoms of lung or head, or any cancer. The doctor said I am a cancer misfit
I have to have a pet scan and a cat scan to try and find where the cancer bugger is hiding and then he will discuss radiation and chemo. I told him the surgeon had said they don't do radiation for vaginal cancer, and he said " the surgeon is not up to speed on that" I told him I was going to rome for 6 days in Dec, and he shook his head as if to say no, you will be too sick and busy from treatment. the surgeon had told me that I may need a few follow up radiation treatments, to fight recurrance and then he would reverse the colostomy. I thought Iwas seeing the : light: at the tunnel, but now it sounds like the worst is still to come. Oh wellI know from watching my kids soccer games that setbacks are when we must come back the hardest.

Debbie,
This DR is a jerk. Ask your surgeon for another referral and tell him why. Even if the oncologist is right (and I think he's just fishing), do you really want to go to him for your future care? Do *you* feel good going to him? Do *you* trust your future to him? Do *you* want to deal with him through all of this?

I had an internist whom I adored and I did trust her with my life. She Dxed thyroid problems and put me on synthroid. What a huge difference that made in my life. However, she kept ordering more and more tests. When I was told I had to go off the synthroid for three weeks for another test, I said "no way!". I went to see an Endocrinologist. He laughed at all the tests (he said "what a waste of money and time"). Said it was just Hashimoto disease and, as the expert, recommended my internist knock it off. Never had another problem with my thyroid.

So, even if you trusted this guy with your life, it doesn't mean he's right. Find someone else, ASAP. You can control your future, not a jerk.
s,
Laura

DEBBIE,

I AM SO SORRY THAT DOCTOR SPOKE TO YOU IN THAT MANNER.
I HAVE ALSO COME ACROSS SOME DOCTORS THAT HAVE ( AS THEY SAY ) NO BEDSIDE MANNER, AND THIS IS ONE OF THEN.

I CAN REMEMBER WHEN MY MOTHER HAD LUNG CANCER, THE DOCTOR CAME RIGHT OUT AND SAID " SHE'S DYING AND THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO DO " PERIOD!!!!! AND WALKED AWAY FROM ME. HOW'S THAT??? HE WAS A COLD S.O.B FOR SURE.

PERHAPS YOU WOULD FEEL BETTER TO FIND ANOTHER ONOC/GYNE WITH A LITTLE MORE OPTIMISM, CAN YOU?? I THINK THEY SEE THIS DAY IN AND DAY OUT, THEY ARE JUST IMMUNE TI IT AND NEVER CONSIDER THE PATIENTS FEELINGS AT ALL. YES, HE'S A JERK, BIG TIME!! SEE ABOUT FINDING ANOTHER DOCTOR IF YOU CAN.

s Debbie

You are sounding better today in spite of your oncology visit.
I understand what he said was not what you wanted to hear.
But it certainly seems as though further studies are needed. Pet scan and or Cat scan. Path reports tell quite a bit about the type of cancer found and it looks as though yours might have had a different point of origin other than your vagina.
If I were you, I would proceed with the further testing. If you then find that this oncologist just does not make you feel comfortable, I would go elsewhere for treatment. But getting the Pet or cat scan done sounds like a good idea to me.
I am an old ICU nurse. Surgeons are notorious for sugar coating news. Ask anyone who works in a hospital.
I do agree, that if in the end, you are still uncomfortable, go elsewhere.
But please agree to the testing so you can proceed with the treatment. Even if you have to delay December plans. Your family wants you around for a long, long time.
You are a strong woman and will do what needs to be done!! Of this I have no doubt.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.

karenann

Karen's right, Debbie. I really shot off the sleeve, but DRs like that make me so angry. Next time ask him if he'd talk to his daughter or wife that way. Definitely do the tests and if anything shows up, you may want to go to another oncologist. I still want to *punch* him.
Laura

I ALSO AGREE WITH THE TESTING ABSOLUTELY, BUT THERE ARE CIVIL WAYS TO SPEAK TO PEOPLE. I STILL SAY HE'S A JERK THE WAY HE PROCEEDED TO TELL YOU AND ALSO IN SUCH A GLOOM AND DOOM TONE!!

Get a second opinion from another oncologist. Take it from the voice of experience--if you do not like your oncologist, if you find him/her brash or rude, if you can't communicate--get another doctor. You'll have the results of the tests (which I think are a good idea--then they'll know more and have more solid things to work with) and this one's opinion and can go to one who treats you like a person, not a name on a chart or pathology report. The key thing now is to get the tests done, get the results, an plan an all-out attack on the cancer if need be. Maybe the worst isn't yet to come--maybe indeed this was an in situ cancer after all and they'll find no other source. Hey, you're on my er list. Why not head over to the Hyster Sisters' prayer list too? I tell you--that's a small group but I really think if any group can reach God for a miracle, they can. Plan: tests, second opinion, new doctor who treats you well for treatment and tons of prayers coming your way.

{{Debbie}}

I can certainly understand your frustration and feeling like the "not so positive" views are more than a little bit of a downer.

I think however that going through with the tests are a good idea. Its a starting place that needs to be thoroughly checked out to make sure that whatever (if any) treatment is done properly and is appropriate for your needs.

I know some Dr's lack of "calming" bedside manners leave a lot to be desired. My gyn oncologist wasn't even close to the calming type of Dr but then again, I didn't really care if he was a bit on the blunt side or if he wasn't comforting to me, I wanted a good oncologist who would fight for ME! The one time, when I had my recurrence that he started talking negatively, he in turn received a very nice butt chewing for his trouble. It worked and so did the treatment for the recurrence.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say, is you have to be comfortable with your physicians. If a "to the point" blunt type isn't what makes you comfortable, by all means, find one that does make you comfortable so you can concentrate on fighting, whatever type this might be.

Keep us posted on how things are going for you and let us know how the tests come out.

We'll be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

{{Hugs}}

Vicki