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Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy) Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy)

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  #1  
Unread 08-04-2017, 06:23 PM
Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy)

Surgery soon and I'm panicking. I have 2 grown daughters. They both act like this is no big deal. Both had cesareans and they keep comparing. It's starting to really bother me. Hurts my feelings I guess. I don't want anyone to be overly worried but at the same time I feel like they should recognize how serious this is. I guess I'm just overly sensitive because I'm scared. More about the recovery since no one expects me to need help.
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  #2  
Unread 08-04-2017, 07:31 PM
Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy)

  Quote:
Originally Posted by roadchic18 View Post
Surgery soon and I'm panicking. I have 2 grown daughters. They both act like this is no big deal. Both had cesareans and they keep comparing. It's starting to really bother me. Hurts my feelings I guess. I don't want anyone to be overly worried but at the same time I feel like they should recognize how serious this is. I guess I'm just overly sensitive because I'm scared. More about the recovery since no one expects me to need help.
Hi. It's a big deal, and though I didn't ever have a C-section, I still believe there's no comparison. You will need help and support and if your family isn't quite understanding, then you should really keep up with this site; people are so helpful on here.

Don't panic, but yes, it is a big surgery and you are not overreacting. You can do it! See you on the other side 😄
  #3  
Unread 08-04-2017, 08:06 PM
Re: Feeling emotional

Hi roadchic18 -

I am sorry your family is not being more supportive.

It is indeed a big deal. I never had a c-section, but having a hysterectomy is MAJOR SURGERY. You are having an important organ removed from your body. That is very different. I remember I read one post that said it was like comparing an orange to an elephant. Here is an article that discusses women's opinions on this: Abdominal Hysterectomy vs. C-Section.

Here also is an article on non-supportive family and friends that may give you ideas:
Frustrated with Non-Supportive Family and Friends before Hysterectomy

You will need help with cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, shopping, driving, etc. Recovery is different for everyone, but no matter the type of surgery you will still have lots of internal healing to do. You need to think in terms of weeks and not days. Here are some additional articles that may help:
Assistance after Hysterectomy
Hysterectomy FAQ for Family and Friends | Parts 1, 2 and 3
Hysterectomy Recovery Time
Living Alone and Recovering from Hysterectomy


Can a neighbor or friend look in on you, if your daughters cannot or will not?

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  #4  
Unread 08-05-2017, 05:21 AM
Re: Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy)

Is it possible that they're not trying to minimize it, but rather trying to make you feel less nervous about it?
  #5  
Unread 08-05-2017, 05:24 AM
Re: Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy)

Leave your daughters to their own karma. Some day *they* may need major surgery and then they can find out for themselves what it's like.

I live alone and did just fine. I realized that during recovery, there were lots of things that simply weren't going to get done. I scrubbed the apartment, laundered everything that would hold still for it and stocked up on groceries, toiletries and household goods. After surgery I prepared simple foods for myself and my cats, washed a few dishes standing at the sink and kept the litter box scooped. That was it for housework. I spent my time going for lots of short walks and sitting out in the sun reading and sewing.

Dust bunnies danced across the floor and the pile of dirty laundry kept growing, but the cats didn't care and neither did I. When I felt up to it some weeks later, I dealt with it then.
  #6  
Unread 08-05-2017, 09:17 AM
Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy)

I totally understand what you are saying! I am scheduled for Aug 11 for a TLH, Vaginal Vault Suspension, and Bladder Suspension. My SIL keeps comparing this to her laparoscopic tubal ligation (she's never had kids). I have had a c-section...scar tissue and prolapse are why I'm having surgery next week. I am nervous and a bit freaked out. I am desperately trying to get everything in order before next Friday. Everyone expects that I will be back to normal in about a week. My prayers are with you!

  #7  
Unread 08-05-2017, 06:24 PM
Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy)

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Mbarron1980 View Post
I totally understand what you are saying! I am scheduled for Aug 11 for a TLH, Vaginal Vault Suspension, and Bladder Suspension. My SIL keeps comparing this to her laparoscopic tubal ligation (she's never had kids). I have had a c-section...scar tissue and prolapse are why I'm having surgery next week. I am nervous and a bit freaked out. I am desperately trying to get everything in order before next Friday. Everyone expects that I will be back to normal in about a week. My prayers are with you!

So frustrating and it almost feels like the pressure is on already to get up and get over it and I haven't even had the surgery yet! Thankfully though I do have an extremely supportive husband. I suppose we just can't let other's opinions get to us and recover at OUR own pace. Good luck on your surgery
  #8  
Unread 08-05-2017, 06:57 PM
Re: Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy)

Well, for what its worth, I had two C sections and my hysterectomy recovery (LAVH) was MILES WORSE than my two C/S. Neither of those were ordinary either, both had their own level of complication. 1) you are older than they were when having their C sections that makes a huge difference. I was 29 for my first cesarean...let me tell you, 42 is no comparison at all. You also don't have the "joy" of a new baby to consume every waking moment and take your mind off your misery. Having organs removed versus having a baby removed from a uterus that is then sewn up and left in place are two VERY different things. You are going to be having far more surgery done than they ever did. 2) It doesn't matter what they had done, you are NOT them. They need to show Mom some respect!!!! Just my humble opinion. 3) Don't worry about them. You will mostly just need help the day or two following surgery and should be able to manage on your own thereafter, provided you aren't caring for small children or standing and cooking meals. I know you want the emotional support, they may come around. If they are open to it, have them watch some youtube videos of a cesarean and then of a hysterectomy, they may see things quite differently!!!!

Hang in there!
  #9  
Unread 08-06-2017, 01:11 AM
Re: Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy)

I had my SAH just over 3 weeks ago. I've not had a cesarean, but at least two of the women who had surgery the same week as me (they're in my recovery thread) did and they both said that recovery from the hysterectomy is way harder than from the cesarean.

Sorry that you feel your daughters are dismissive of how you feel about your surgery. Please use this site to get the emotional support you need! Since you have your surgery date in your profile, you'll receive an email around the time of your surgery with a link to your recovery thread...it will be a group of women having surgery the same week as you plus someone who had surgery previously as a sort of "big sister". That group will be a great source of support as you work through your recovery. You'll see a wide range of recoveries there. It will give you a group to vent to if you need it, and hearing the stories of other women can be really helpful. Best wishes to you!
  #10  
Unread 08-06-2017, 06:50 AM
Re: Upcoming surgery 8/16: Feeling emotional (non-supportive family compares c-section to hysterectomy)

I've never had a c section, but i can compare my TLH to my gallbladder removal. The gallbladder removal was actually more painful for the first day. But wow after that. It's not unmanageable, but this is definitely different. Much more susceptible to gravity, coughing, etc.
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