Husband doesn't understand-v upset

Hi I am two weeks post op, sub total hyst. and doing pretty well physically. But having trouble with DH who doesn't seem to understand. He is out at work long hours but tried to make it even longer by staying at the office to do weight training earlier in the week when I still really need him to finish to cook dinner for us and our 11 yr old son.....he seems to have got the picture with that but not without me getting very upset.
This morning another bad mood - I felt like a bit of a cuddle and maybe a bit more....he didn't understand my fear of him hurting my belly etc etc and got annoyed and frustrated I think. What started out nice finished with him stomping off and me v upset.
I feel miserable as I want to reach out to him but I am terrified of getting hurt.

Hi Mairi! I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and I hope it helps you to know you're not the only one. Many of us have had these same troubles during our recovery.

First, it's hard for your DH to understand how major this surgery is. It might help if you can have your DR talk with him at your next appointment or even on the phone and explain that you are still in need of much help and support. Also you might print out the FAQ's for families on this site:

http://www.hystersisters.com/dhfaq.php

About the cuddling... also understandable. Of course you're afraid of getting hurt. Can you try to talk with him and tell him you really need some hugging and cuddling but for right now that's all you're ready for, and you know that if you take it slow things will get lots better?

Also please know you can always come here, there are plenty of us who understand what you're going through. It really does get better.
s,
-Linda

Mairi,
I just met another twin this morning. We have the same surgery date. I can totally relate to you. Has your Dh been supportive up until now? I have found that since I started getting dressed, helping DS and DH in the A.M. to get ready for school, and just getting around better, my Dh thinks I am all well, physically and emotionally. Boy has he got another thing comin! My hormones are so out of whack right now. I am on HRT. Are you? These past few days I have been an emotinal wreck and Dh thinks I'm using the surgery to get away with my moods. If he knew just how fragile my emotions were right now, he'd be real careful *punch*! Men just don't understand. They really never have!
I have tried to explain to him that our hormones play a very important role, and it can take up to a year or two to get my HRT correct. I will be prone to mood swings etc... We need to be cuddled, hugged, and understood! Good luck to you. Email me if you need to talk. I feel we can relate since we are on the same "recovery schedule".

Thanks both for your support which has helped me through today.
Will try and talk to DH when we have both calmed down a bit. I think his patience is running thin - I have been ill most of this year prior to having the op. But part of me think.....come on grow up and treat me right!!

Men! They are somthing! Pufters! I too have not only a DH that thinks I should be having his lunch ready for him in the afternoon, but my mother in law is a real treat too! " Are you going back to work yet? When I had my hyst, I was eady about week 3!" Yah, sure but you didn't have two small chickens at home either!
I had posted a similar post a while back and then at the end of the day had him read it, that changed his tune alittle!
He is being a little more caring.
Well, good luck with DH. I will keep you in my prayers.
Scotland! Is it raining ? I would trade places with you any time! Some of my family lives in Largs. I love it there! Lucky Gal!

Ask your Doctor to talk to him so he knows how much this truly does hurt and affects you. I am so sorry you have to go through this love. If you need to talk......

Betsy

:Hug:

Now he has decided to freeze me out and not speak or hug. Tried to talk to him but he says it is my fault he got cross of course he is not going to hurt me etc I should just relax......
Gritting teeth and hoping tomorrow will be better.

Mairi ouch! So sorry your DH is getting "prickly" on you. They do that sometimes, and I've found that when they're like that it's best to get as far away as possible and let their little storm blow over.

We women, when we're having trouble, need to talk it out in order to feel better. Guys are totally different -- they seem to need to go away and do something else, and then they can come back and act like it never happened. I sure wish I could do that, don't you? When DBF and I used to argue he'd take off for a couple of days and then come back like everything was fine, and wonder why I wasn't feeling all warm and fuzzy as he was?

I know it might be very hard, but I'd try to give him a little space for a day or two, and when he comes back, try to relax and trust him and give him a chance to show you he meant what he said about not hurting you. You might have to do a little acting, but I'm sure you can do it. If it does go well, that might be enough to get you two over this little bump in the road. In the meantime, you can always get plenty of s from us here!

I hope things feel better soon.

-Linda

i too thought that DH was not reallly understanding, until we had a heart to heart & found out that he is scared of hurting me, and also that the thought of me undergoing major surgery really scared him (i think he was more scared than me) we are doing well now after we got that all cleared up. :

When my husband comes in the house. Before he says a word I tell him that it is a battle field waiting to explode at any moment. The hormones are raging and I will cry if you look at me the wrong way. He seems to stop take a breath and say ok what's been going on and he will listen for a while. Then I need some time alone. 10 or 15 minutes to compose myself and go about what I was doing so I don't kill someone. I have been thinking of taking up meditation. lol. I have been writing here and in my journal which helps. If all else fails you can let the boys read what you have been writing and maybe just maybe they might understand Just a tad as to what we have gone through. This is major surgery we have gone and are going through. it takes time a LONG Time to heal!!!! I wish I could be with each and everyone of you holding your hand and talking with you. I think that is what I was put here for in life. So I can be others strenght but sometimes. I need someone too. You girls are great and are doing wonderfully. I am proud of you.

BetsyB.