DH does not understand!

Hello sisters.
Just needing some advice on how to make my DH understand just how major of a surgery this is. I had my gall bladder out a year ago and three little incisions...no problem. I went back to work earlier than expected just because of the pressure from my boss and DH.

I'm scheduled for a TVH w/ Ooph on 11/21 and he wanted me to travel twelve hours to Michigan to see his family for Thanksgiving. I of course, said NO WAY!...I don't even want them to come here that soon after surgery! Then the other night he said that he's going up there for Christmas with or without me! Supportive huh?? I told him that everyone heals differently and that I might feel up to a road trip by then but what to you girls think?

He thinks that because there won't be any outward incisions that I should heal just like that, but reading here I know different but how do I explain this to him?? Maybe I could print out some responses and let him read them??

Anyway, thanks in advance for your help and support!

I did print out some helpful hints on what significant others can do for a princess for my DH last night and he has seemed to get it. He keeps wanting to compare it to some prior surgeries I have had that are minor in comparison to a TAH RSO. Or he wants to compare it to his coworkers vag hyst.

With that surgery date, we aren't going to be roadtripping to the local Walmart, much less in-laws for a turkey dinner. Christmas might be pushing it too, especially if he expects you to drive part of the way.

However, you are right, everyone heals at different rates.

((((SMP))))

By all means...print some of this out for him to read!! DH's all react to this differently. They just don't quite get what is truly happening and it is hard for them to accept the fact that we are going to be out of commission!!

I agree with the decision about not going anywhere for thanksgiving...good decision. I would put the Christmas trip on a wait and see list. I would imagine though that you should be feeling pretty good by then. I had a TAH/BSO and at two weeks was able to make a 5 hour drive (of course I did have my doc's approval first!!!)

Maybe if you sit down and visit with your DH and let him know that you aren't being over reactive or non-supportive of his family and that you are just wanting to make sure that you give yourself time to heal properly...maybe that will help change his attitude. Let him know that you are doing this for him too so that the quality of life you two currently share will improve!!!

Come to the chat room if you can and get some real time support ond other suggestions on how to help make your DH more aware of what is really going to be going on with your body and the healing process involved!!!

'S!!!
Cat

I think you have to tell your husband....

It's kind of like you having a vesectomy except the doctors want to also remove your prostate at the same time, so there will not be any future threats from cancer. And don't worry about the side effects, because you'll be able to take some hormone replacement, you want feel any different at all afterward.

Maybe then he'll understand the severity of this??? Men seem to only get things from their own perspective.


How's That!
SuzyT

P.S. My DH has been wonderful

I'm sorry you aare having to deal with this. I must say, neither one of those trips would have possibly fit in my recovery schedule. You will need to be able to put your healing first and the trips last, even if you are unsuccessful at getting your DH to understand. Don't let him bully you into this. I believe 12 hours of road trip would be miserable and exhausting far longer post op than the 4 weeks post op that you are looking at. I felt every bump in the road for quite a few weeks. There is no way to tell how you will do in that department. Many of us have alot of fatigue, too. That could be a big problem. Driving was not comfortable for me that soon, either. I only had to go about 2 miles, twice a day, to get DD to and from school. It was plenty.

Maybe your Dr can talk to him? I wish you luck.

And, you could show dh the pelvic floor website hysto pictures. The link is on the FYI: links post on this board. Though, I wish I had not viewed those pics myself.

Hi smp.....sorry to hear about your DH not understanding. Mine jokes about me milking this recovery thing for all its worth...but I can tell he is joking because he always says that he will never forget the love and support I gave him and still give him with his Multiple Sclerosis....it has been almost ten years and it brought us so much closer. A trip to www.pelvicfloor.com will bring your DH to his senses...it certainly blew me away and I work in medicine....told my DH it made me wonder if I will ever walk normal again...ouch.....Has he had a vasectomy? Whenever my DH would pick on me for whining about pelvic pressure, I reminded him about how he felt the time he tried to cut the grass one post op vasectomy.....ouch again!! Had to get the ice pack and on the couch for him......guess if he turned that pain up about ten notches......You have to remind him that you get one chance at a good recovery and this is it.....For once in our lives we have to be selfish and think of ourselves....hard when you are used to doing for others all the time.....
Take care and good luck!!

lilly

Hello I am having a Tah/Bso on Oct 16,2002 yes almost soon...Well i am in the same boat you are.Dh thinks it is not a major surgery and that i should be able to go back to work at about 2 weeks later.He is not much help at home either won't lift a finger to help me.I am not worried as i have no lil ones at home and have emailed him plenty on how Hysts are major surgery but all he does is delete them and tells me its not! I guess all we can do is hang in there and fend for ourselves. Thats why i am online all the time in the chat rooms finding Wonderful and Understanding Ladies that Have given me many answers to questions and make me feel so welcomed in unknown Open arms and Hearts! Men do not and will never truly understand what we women go through.If you think about it everything we go though has to do with them also..Men-ustrastion,Hys-terectomy,Men-opause,Men-tal breakdown. Kinda funny everything that bugs us is Men!Well Can't live with them and sometimes can't live without them..Good Luck Hyster Sisters

My Castle Date is also 11/21. Fortunately my husband has been very supportive throughout this whole thing. As I am having my anxiety attacks he continues to tell me not to worry and he'll take care of things.

The decision to do anything for Thanksgiving is not even a decision in my house. Its just a given that we won't be going anywhere and the usual dinner that I prepare for 15 people each year is just not going to happen. Dinner for my family and even if its spaghetti instead of turkey is all that we 'll be doing here.

I just took a look at the Pelvic Floor---not a pretty site. I agree with everyone else that maybe if you print some of this out, have him look at the Pelvic Floor and even skim through the Post Op Board might help.

The anxiety of waiting is enough to handle! So sorry that you have the added stress.

HUGS

Hey BlueEyes......ditto on the Thanksgiving dinner here in Columbia.....our family that is the closest will be up north for turkey day....so it will be just my DH, and two DS and I...oh and my dog, Alex.....DH already has it planned.....Honey Baked Ham store....for a turkey breast...he makes a mean kettle of mashed potatoes and Mrs. Smith pies tops it off......We only get one chance to recover..gotta be selfish on this one......Agree??
Back to cleaning closets and rearranging rooms......

Lilly