Help with other people

I need some help. I work with a great group of gals. I am great friends with a couple of them. One of them is a 72 year old very active lady. She had a hysterectomy at the age of 45. Breast cancer runs in her family and she has chosen not to take hormones. She knows that I am on hormones. (I had TAH/BSO on 11/1) I went to the office today to visit with my boss about my return to work and my friend was all over me about how long I should take the hormones and that I should get off of them as soon as possible. I have talked with several doctors and done some research on-line and decided that I will continue this current regimine (I am still trying to regulate my hormones right now but I am confident that it will settle down soon...right now on 2 mg of Estradiol a day...was on 1.25 mg of Premarin...had lots of problems) My question is this...how do I get my well-meaning friend to leave me alone about this? I feel that this is a personal decision and it is mine alone to make. But she is harping on me constantly about the downfalls of hormone replacement...talking about the recent studys that show increases in heart disease, etc. Anyone else experience anything like this. (By the way I am 36 years old)

Oh yes, absolutely... I've gotten it from friends, family (including my mother, who went through menopause naturally and doesn't get that this is different), even my DBF who has been so sweet about everything else but believes that everything can be solved with a few herbs (which, by the way, are not bioidentical as my HRT is). At first I fretted about it quite a lot and tried to explain my rationale, cite other references that shot down the recent studies, etc... then I realized it was a gigantic waste of my time.

Now, I don't even mention my HRT to anyone unless it's either one of my DRs or another Hystersister or I know they are receptive to the idea. It doesn't have to be anyone else's business. If someone finds out I had a hysterectomy (which I don't usually tell people) and asks me if I am taking HRT, I just smile and say "I'm working with my DR and taking really good care of myself, thank you so much for asking" and change the subject. Being very pleasant about it but not answering the question generally gets the message across that I don't think I need to discuss it with them -- so far this approach has worked for me.

As for your friend who has already been bothering you, I think the next time she brings up the subject of HRT you could say "I'm sorry, but I really don't want to bore you with the details of my medical care. Can we talk about something more fun?" and see if that gets the point across.

I hope it helps you to know you're not alone here.
s,
-Linda

I have a few friends who are very committed to "holistic herbal" lifestyles and they were trying to sway me like surferbabe said. I guessed they weren't well-versed on HRT in detail and told them that my estradiol was derived from wild yams (which it is technically...). They don't know it comes from the pharmacy not the health food store. They don't know it is a patch from my regular "conventional medicine" Doc (ie. evil white male establishment). They are happy tha they have "converted" me and I am happy that they don't bug me anymore. I now know not to share any more with them or anyone whose feelings on the HRT thing aren't already known to me.

Hi there,

I have generally had the opposite experience so far with women I know who are reluctant to give up their HRT/ERT because they feel good on it. People who react like your friend are basing their opinions on the somehwat sensationalistic, exaggerated reports in the media. I guess you could either try to persuade her (I know that trish on this site gave a great link to a CME monograph summarizing all the recent research for doctors, but I can't find it at the moment), offer to direct her to specific sites or give her handouts, or just brush it off, as others suggested here. I am by nature a kind of stubborn, argumentative person, so I'd probably offer to go out to lunch with someone like her and really discuss my decision in detail. But that's just me...

I like you feel totally fine and comfortable intellectually and physiologically on my estradiol.

I agree with the ladies here, it is no-ones business what you are doing with your body. It would be different if sharing information helped someone , but what I try to do is tell someone what I think and then they are on their own to do what they wish with the information.
I am a moderator for
www.childlessnotbychoice.com
and we talk about how rude and insensative ppl can be all the time, some ppl just dont get that not everything is a topic for debate :P
Hugs

Around the forums I've noticed in the last year that the tone of making a decisioin pro or con has gotten more strident--people seem to be much more emotionally invested in the decision on either side than even the women here used to be two or three years ago. So, I think surferbabe's technique of backing off from the emotions is a good one. If they seem genuinely curious or open to a discussion, I'd point to sites. It's good to get different perspectives. But if they seem invested and have closed minds, I'd just step aside and not discuss it.

Me personally I keep waffling. I've had good and bad on either choice so I think I'm even more convinced that it's an individual choice. Your body has different needs--especially at 36--it will react differently than anyone else's to this process. And your life and values will weight different side effects and benefits differently. My job doesn't meet the public so I can turn bright red and sweat but I have to be sharp--it's an essential part of my identity and necessary for my job--so I'm looking for a combination that keeps me sharp. I'm not worried about my "warm spells." But if I had to meet people for a living, then looking like a sopping wet beet wouldn't be an option. That would push me to very different solutions. And different families and different lifestyles have different risk profiles. Yours aren't hers.

So like surfer says, smile at the others and go back to finding your own way through the trees. :run3: Tell her the real outcome of that study was the discovery that one size does not fit all.

All you need to do is thank her for her advice. You needn't explain what you are doing or why. A simple thank you and the subject is closed.
Eileen