How does one make the world stop so you can rest

This is the first time I have ever posted. Maybe you have a suggestion on how to make the world just stop long enough to take a nap or rest. I had my hysterectomy Dec. 30th and was out of the hospital on the 1st of Jan. My daughter had a gastric bypass scheduled for Jan 9th but the doctor moved the date to the 2nd. Her surgery was done in Houston 125 miles away from our small town. The day I got out of the hospital they put me in the car and we drove to Houston for some final blood tests and surgery the next day. She was in the hospital for 2 nights also. We all drove home Saturday and my daughter and I sit here trying to help each other in our recoveries. Unfortunately I promised to go back to work for 2 hours a day starting tomarrow and ****ed if an uncle didnt die, so now I have a funeral I must go to. I am sooooo tired. I have done nothing today and it hasnt helped my attitude or my energy level. I dread tomarrow.

and I know you must feel a tremendous amount of obligations to other people in your life now. However, you can't be all things to all people right now without it slowing down your healing. And what they say about this is the only true healing period you have is true. Your body needs rest, it needs fluid, it needs princess pampering.

Something is going to have to give somewhere, and I don't want it to be you. Work, unreasonable to expect you back so soon, IMO. DD, well, got thru the worst of that and time for both of you to rest and get help if you need it. Funeral, I would probably skip it and not feel really bad about it but I am not you. You might have a strong emotional tie to the deceased, but what happens if you don't go and mourn this loss privately? Don't you think that other family member will forgive your absence this one time?

I made the world stop and I wasn't facing problems like you describe. I simply refused to cooperate with any attempts to interfere with my post op recovery and it worked! The raving witch approach is my favored method LOL!

I agree, you have to just set limits and stick to them. I had to be very hard-nosed with my family about traveling during the holidays - I live four hours from them and no way could I make the drive - so I gave them an option - come to my house if you reallly want to see me - of course they weren't going to put themselves out!!!!!!! Just set limits and realize you only have one chance to heal right!!!!!!

I agree 100% (as usual) with MeDHanddaDog.

Call work, tell them you are sorry, but you underestimated the impact of this surgery, and you may be back at the end of January. They *will* figure out how to get by without you (people quit all the time, and their companies don't fold). If you want to absolve yourself of guilt, think about how much *longer* you'd be off work if you didn't take good care of yourself. The best thing you can do is stay home.

As for your uncle - my condolences. Send flowers and a handwritten note. Would you expect anyone *else* to hop out of bed a week after major surgery, and go to a funeral? No. So don't put yourself through it either.

Don't worry about "doing nothing" - that's exactly what you are supposed to be doing at this point. Drink lots of fluids, walk around the house, or outside, weather permitting, and rest. Sounds like your DD should be doing the same.

Practice this line: "I'm sorry, I wish I could, but I have to rest and take care of myself for a few more weeks - Doctor's orders." And stick to your guns!

I heard a little bit of a MAD DOG in there that time, and i agree. You can do it, just say NO.

Penny

Take care of you! Its hard to set boundries at a time like you are experiencing. But it must be done. A wise person I know told me their favorite word... no. Not in a mean, cruel sense, but no- I need to heal. No, I'm unable to be superwoman right now. Your docs orders become your shield and your sanctuary. Everyone here is very supportive and will give you that extra Umph! you need to continue to force your part of the world to slow down.
Your not alone, we're here for you!
nevada67

Take care of you! Its hard to set boundries at a time like you are experiencing. But it must be done. A wise person I know told me their favorite word... no. Not in a mean, cruel sense, but no- I need to heal. No, I'm unable to be superwoman right now. Your docs orders become your shield and your sanctuary. Everyone here is very supportive and will give you that extra Umph! you need to continue to force your part of the world to slow down.
Your not alone, we're here for you!
nevada67

It is hard to say no when your family has issues. However, I now can't go back to work at 7 weeks because I caught my father in law from falling and pulled my pelvic floor muscles. Tomorrow I have a doc appointment to find out if I herniated(sp?) those healing muscles. The ladies here are right - YOU ONLY HAVE ONE CHANCE TO HEAL. So here is my suggestion:

1. Call the doctor and tell him that people are making you feel obligated to go back to your normal"'do everything that needs doing' routine. Ask him for a WRITTEN permission slip to stay off your feet and out of the car until your 3 week post op due to "complictions".

2. Make copies of this note and tape them to your refridgerator, telephone and fax one into work.

3. Tape one to the significant others (dh, ds, dd, etc) bathroom mirror.

4. Turn the telephone off. You don't need to hear it ring.

5. For the funeral, find a local friend/ relative that you can go and take a nap during the visitation. DO NOT stand around greeting guests. (I am sorry to hear about your Uncle. My nephew died at 3 1/2 weeks post op. I was at the funeral home for two days and the funeral. It was hard.)

6. If all else fails, rent a hotel room and go there to sleep.


Also: You are allowed to do NOTHING for a few WEEKS until you feel better. You will heal faster and get back to your life quicker if you do just that.

Good Luck and God's Many Blessings,
Sherri

hi, I just wanted to let you know that your both going to have to take things very slow, I had my hysterectomy Nov 8, and I was so impatient I wanted to be able to do everything because the kids where know help at all, and at times I did try to do things that I wasnt supose to, and I paid for it everytime, the pain would hit hard. Now for you daughter I had my wieght lose surgery 5 years ago, I did really well with it but you both are in the same postions youve really got to becareful, I dont know if your both living in the same house but if you are I think it would help you both to have each other to talk to, you both going to need all the moral support you can get, its very important you both are having major body changes, but I think you both will do just fine with it as long as you both take it easy, but I also want to let you know your daughter will be needing alot of extra help, because of what she is going through its a really hard thing to have wieght loss surgery and if she doesnt have a support group she really need to try to find one, I didn t have one where I lived in Galveston Texas their wasnt one close to me so I never got the help I needed, if she would like to have someone to talk to she can email me anytime Ill try to help with anything I can and same with you I be more then happy to help either one of you. and its really great that you have each other best of luck and please take it easy. Bev