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2 years of pain -- how to start over? 2 years of pain -- how to start over?

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Unread 01-11-2003, 02:04 PM
2 years of pain -- how to start over?

Dear Sisters,

I am so overwhelmed! Please help.

I am hitting the 3.5 week mark after my SAH and feeling physically better every day (yeah!). My problem is that I have had 2 years of awful pain since I developed a post-partum uterine infection that led to severe adenomyosis. I tried so many things -- Lupron, b/c pills, myomectomy, antidepressants, chronic pain-killers -- to avoid a hysterectomy and perhaps bear more children. But for me the pain was unbearable and unrelieved by everything I tried.

Finally I had a hysterectomy last month and am feeling physically better. Now, I truly feel as if I am the princess who has woken from deep sleep (the fog of the pain has really been too much for me to think through) and I am shocked and dismayed to see my life. My husband has been making steps to leave me, my house and finances are in disarray, and I am afraid I don't even know where or how to start getting it together again. I don't even really know who I am anymore.

Any suggestions or commiseration would be appreciated.

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Unread 01-11-2003, 07:09 PM
Sorry for your pain

I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. It hardly seems fair since you just came through such a difficult time. What strikes me is that things probably look different to you now that you are feeling better enough to actually deal with your life. That probably doesn't feel real good in some ways, but I'm betting that you will get yourself together and come out stronger in the end.

Unread 01-11-2003, 07:15 PM
2 years of pain -- how to start over?

Isn't it amazing what pain can do to us? It envelopes us to the point that we can't focus on the things around us. Let me assure you, all those"things" would have come to a head with or without the surgery. Now, you are stronger and better equipt to see them and handle them. The physical pain is gone and now it's time to focus on your long term recovery. You are still in early stages of physical healing so don't stop taking care of you. Here is a link some of the ladies say is very helpful when they find their marriage is on shaky ground. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/
As far as the house goes, little steps at a time. www.flylady.com can help there. Don't start a major house cleaning while you are in recovery. Don't be afraid to enlist the help of friends and close relatives. As far as the finances; sometimes a credit consolider can help. Call your creditors and see who they recommend. Most major credit card companies are willing to work with you. Just lowering the interest rate can help a lot.
The most important thing is your recovery. I'm so sorry your plate is so full. I will say a that your life finds a balance that is easier for you to handle. Karlene
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Unread 01-11-2003, 07:27 PM
2 years of pain -- how to start over?

Thank you so much ladies!

I have been checking my email every half hour in the hope someone was out there. And there you were! I am having quite a crisis today. Prayers are appreciated. And your words of encouragement are priceless .. as if maybe there is hope ..

With gratitude,
Unread 01-11-2003, 09:20 PM
2 years of pain -- how to start over?

Hi Loretta -

I read your post and just wanted to send you a prayer for strength to get through this difficult time. It may seem out of control right now but know that it won't stay that way. Things will get better! The rain will lift and "bright, sunny days" will return.

First and foremost, take care of yourself through recovery. You need to heal completely... and second, please know you are not alone...there are women here who have been through this. We are here if you need to talk, a shoulder, or just to connect with someone.

Take care of yourself, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Unread 01-12-2003, 04:00 AM
2 years of pain -- how to start over?

Hi Loretta

I can relate to you in some ways about trying to get your life together after years of pain.

My pain came AFTER my hyst and it has taken me 18 months to get to a point where I feel like I just might start to get my life back I have found my life in totol dissaray also and wonder how it could have gotten so out of control.

When we are in pain so many things get put on hold. I know it was easier so many times to say "I'll get to it later"...."I'll deal with it later". Pain had become my whole focus in life for so long it was all I dealt with. I've had three surgerys this year and after finally waking from this last one with no internal pain and looking around I discoverd that my personal life had somewhere along the way just fallen apart.

I am just now starting to sort thru all of it and try to make some sense of it. Issues with my 18 yr old, My S/O, my house, my finances, all of these have gone by the wayside. I have to try to repair some of them.....Some of them I won't be able to repair. Some of them I DON'T WANT TO repair. I am learning to take one thing at a time. It's all I can do. Heck I haven't been able to work in two years and wonder what in the world can I do now?

The link that Karlene gave you for "Flylady" is a great one!!! it will definately help with the house. It took me three days just to go thru paperwork I had let just stack on my desk for the past year. I have learned to start with things I can control NOW. I can control my enviorment....my finances...I can't control my DD or my S/O. I can control me and the way I feel and how I react to things.

Coming out of surgery and feeling better and like you can now have your "life" back is a wonderful thing. I have found after going thru things physically for so long I have come out a stronger person both mentally and emotionally. I hope you have found this for yourself also. This surgery does change us. Going thru peri-menopause or full surgical menopause also changes us. Pain changes us. I have found for me that while I was going thru these changes some of the people I am with all the time haven't gone thru these changes. They need to accept the "new me" as I have. It will take work on all our parts here in my household. I don't take as much as I used to from them. Lifes to short I have found. I have a new outlook on life and on me as a person. Sometimes as we grow inside and go thru these changes...we have to let some things that no longer go with the "new me" go in there own direction.

It's not easy sweetie....but we can do it. Sometimes I have to remember it took almost two years to get this way....it may take two years to fix it. ( but gosh..I sure hope not!!! ) We have sisters here to help us thru it!!!!!

Lots of

Unread 01-12-2003, 11:44 AM
2 years of pain -- how to start over?

Thank you so much, Dawn, for sharing your experience. I really have been feeling so alone and kind-of as you say -- so different and changed, and others are not. I don't even really know them. I never dreamed there was anyone else out there like me.

I am so glad that your last surgery worked!! I also had several (4, I guess, but mostly laparoscopic), and woke again and again in pain, and it was very hard, losing that hope again and again. It is a blessing to be out of pain today, isn't it?!

Thank you so much, all of you for reminding me of the great lesson that I have gotten through all this pain: (ok, this is what I call my "points of light" speech)
You and I and everyone else are points of light, no more, in the end when all that we possess and even think we are falls away; and certainly absolutely we are never any less, and are beautiful; and this, our true nature, cannot ever be truly hurt, so there is nothing to fear.

I believe I was on pain-drugs when this came to me, but it does sustain me. I had forgotten.

With such love,
you are all such beautiful points of light my heart is filled,

PS Thanks for the flylady site (it is www.flylady.net). I have to go make my bed (I don't think I've ever done that .. LOL) and clean my sink.

Unread 01-13-2003, 08:42 AM
Oh, I hear you...

Just wanted to say, like everyone else, you are not alone... I am about 3 1/2 months post-op, that was the 5th or 6th surgery and 12+ years of pain (oh my God, don't let it take that long to get back to normal!)... Sometimes I feel like things are getting there, but sometimes I think I'm just going through the motions. I, too, woke up one day and everything around me had changed -- or so it seemed, guess it was just me... Anyway, was trying to meditate last night and this thought occured to me -- it's kinda like you're reading a really good book and the phone rings. You put the book down, answer the phone and someone knocks at the door. So you get the door, decide you might as well pee while you're up, then you feed the cat. You're in the kitchen, might as well make a snack. Then the phone rings again, so you answer it. You finally get back snuggled on the couch with the book, anticipating all the excitement of where you were in this great chapter, and you realize you've lost your page. That's exactly how I feel right now. I finally feel "ready" to get back to my "real" life, but I can't remember what I was doing when things changed so suddenly! I know it was the first week of September, but I can't remember what projects I was doing, what plans or goals I had, anything before the tumors and surgery and complications and hormone adjustments... and on and on... As I was telling my best friend this on the phone last night, she said, "I guess you'll just have to pick a page and start from there. You can't start over, so start from somewhere and don't worry about what you missed." I think all of that is hitting me finally, and I'm still trying to get used to *not* being in pain. After close to 13 years of chronic pain (and something to complain about) I have *none*. And it's almost like my clock is off (as I like to say, I had it removed), but this not having a period thing is throwing my months off. I am, of course, ecstatic about that, but I feel like I'm no longer in the race with the rest of the women in the world...
Now I'm babbling, guess I needed to get that out, but the point was, I understand where you are. I'm still dealing with bills I haven't paid since September because DBF or Dr. Mom cleaned my house while I was out and I can't find them... total loss of control over everything... it can't all come back together at once... tackle one thing at a time, one thing a day, and everything else will fall into place -- at least that's what I'm hoping!
Take care of *you* -- that's the hardest, yet most important thing you can do right now. As far as your husband, that's a whole nother posting, but take care of you... if he's not man enough to be there for you whole-heartedly -- after all, he did say in sickness and in health, no? -- if he can't stand by his own word, you're probably better off without him. (Sorry if my saying that upsets you, I'm twice-divorced and finally realize there *are* good men out there, I just wasn't smart enough to marry one of them!) Make this a time for you... the new you.. without pain, without baggage, without negativity and negative people...
Feel better, keep us posted....

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