The kids are anxious about my hyster

My sons, 18-volunteering for a year in DC with Americorps and 12 (tomorrow) are expressing some anxiety about my upcoming hyster. The older one seems to not know how to deal with the whole issue of my repro system needing surgical attention and he is unhappy about not being at home to help out. The younger one doesn't talk much about it but when I asked him outright yesterday what he thought about it, he indicated that he is fearful of something bad happening (I think he means he's afraid that I might die).

I have my own fears and concerns but participating here has allowed me to explore those feelings in a supportive environment so now I am ready to just get on with it.

Any suggestions on how to sooth these two? Has anyone else coped with similar situations?
(I KNOW in over 20K women that have been here to this site, it has happened before!)

Lynn K.

Hi Lynn,

My 3 daughters were concerned, but they are older (30, 28, 26), and already familiar with this type of surgery. Our biggest concern was the possibility of cancer. Thank goodness things turned out fine.

My son, who is 22, was concerned, but I was able to console him some with minimal facts.

I would think if you can talk to them about the very slight odds that something terrible will happen and get them to focus on the positive side it would help. I don't think you can completely ease their fears, though, just as you won't be completely at ease til it is all over.

Just be open with them and available to talk. Maybe you can make some plans with your 12 yo about things you can prepare, or things he can do, to help make things easier during your recovery?

It's a stressful time, no doubt.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you are going through this uneasy time. Take care & best wishes to you!

I have three kids 15,10,8. They were concerned too. Especially my ten yer old. I had them talk with some other women we know who had hysterectomies and are now just fine. I also told them how many ladies are on this web sight after having had this done. They feel better knowing this has been done alot and the moms are great afterward.

My children are 21 and 19 and they were extremely anxious about my surgery. The fact that my husband died 4 years ago makes them overprotective. I made sure that the doctor would talk to them immediately after surgery so that they wouldn't have to sit there worrying needlessly. I also was very upbeat and positive about the impending surgery, at least on the outside I also made sure that they knew it was a pretty routine surgery and that my doctor had done thousands of them. We are usually the care givers, this role reversal is something new to children. Best of luck for a sucessful surgery and a speedy recovery!
Debbi

My kids dealt pretty well with it. Mainly they wanted to be assured that I'd come through it okay. Heck, I wanted that assurance, too! My youngest was five at the time. I didn't tell him until just a few days before having to go in. Rather than focus on the few days I would be gone, we talked about what we would do together when I got home. He did great!

Side benefit - once it was over and I was a month or so into recovery, they mentioned how nice I had been since surgery. Hmmmm, no more hormonal mood swings! Gotta love 'em!

They aren't taking me very serious...
I just want them to pull their weight a little bit around here.
and believe me when I say "I need some rest" and not
think Me being in pain is a reason Not to cook or do laundry
or dishes.... rebecca

I think my kids (18, 16 and 5) are looking forward to *after* surgery and hopefully having a mom who isn't constantly hanging onto a heating pad and taking heavy drugs to stave off the pain! My oldest son asked me if I'd like him to be my slave after the surgery and I reminded him that he's had to be my slave since he was two years old. He laughed and said "oh yeah, then a few weeks after the surgery, could you remove my shackles and set me free??" hehe cute, kid.

The way our family soothes one another is through humor.. it is the only thing that has kept us all sane. The worst possible scenarios that we confront are taken as lightly as we can make it. I know that doesn't work for all people and you can't come out of nowhere, having been serious about it all this time, making jokes. But that is the way we've always handled things and through the tears, there is usually some laughter.

I hadn't thought about some of the ideas I have been given. The one about humor really strikes a chord with me. That is my best way of dealing with uncomfortable situations, and, actually, is the way that I deal with MOST situations. Maybe the whole Princess idea will work.

As I think about it, my 18 y.o. is the more gentle and caring of my two sons. I suspect that some of his discomfort may be wrapped up in the whole sexuality thing (when I asked if the condoms beside the bed were disappearing for use in his life, he didn't want to believe that his father and I were still having sex! LOL!!)

I am becoming much more calm as I face this. I hope that some of this calm will pass over to the kids. NOW, just to deal with the DH! (I figured out that his apparent lack of interest was due to a "failure to communicate". HE thought that my asking him to take off 3 days from work post-op meant that that was the amount of time that I would need to recover and be back to my normal (?) self. I didn't communicate that I would be out of commission for at least two weeks and maybe more. Glad we got THAT cleared up! I would hate to blow 23 years of marriage in this way!)

Always,
Lynn

Lynn, laughing about your son and the condoms! My son always covers his ears and sings loudly when my husband and I mention anything about our "relations" in front of him. Not that we do that a whole lot, just enough to make him uncomfy and for a giggle. He is also the more gentle and caring one, always has been, I am glad that he probably always will be!

It sounds like you are smoothing things out. I know that in my house, if I am anxious or upset, the whole family is on edge. Even if I try not to let on about it, my husband will come to me and say our kids are acting strange, what's wrong with *me*! Amazing how that works.

Hi Lynn, my fear too was how my kids would handle the whole ordeal. My daughter, 14 handled it in her own way, lots of tears at first and then was amazingly capable, my son, 10 just listened as I kept telling them that I just wanted to be as I was a couple of years earlier and didn't they want that too? He agreed readily, kids are pretty resilient and if you show this is what YOU want, it will help them deal with it.

Good Luck!



Katherine