DH Taking Vacation: During Hospital or at Home?

Hi, I'm scheduled for surgery 2/17. My DH has a week's vacation his boss kindly let him carry over from last year for my surgery.
I'm tentatively set for left ovary removal only, however if cancer is found, then TAH.

I'm wondering, based on other's experiences, which would be best:

DH take entire vacation while I'm in hospital (3 days) then released (he'd be with me entire hospital admission and first few days at home

DH take entire vacation after I'm released (he takes night classes, which I'm thinking might leave me feeling lonely in the hospital. Mom can't make the drive, sister has little ones in school)

(My Mom will be coming over to give me a hand when I get home.)

Thanks for any input based on what you found your needs were! -Kathy

I'm just going to tell you how I felt. My DH was off work at the time of my surgery anyways as he'd just had a major surgery 4 months before and was off work due to disability. However, my MIL came up for my surgery. And I remember laying in the bed after they brought me to my room and she would not stop talking..lol. So, I asked my DH to take her home. Well he was gone for about five hours. But I slept. I was released the next day per my request. Anyways, it depends on how long you are going to be in the hospital. Only in for the one day and my DH was there the next day to visit , my roomate was someone I knew by chance. So, to answer your question, if you are only going to be in a short time and he's able to visit you sporadically, I'd rather have him home when I was recovering when you are really going to need him there helping you out. My DH was a god send after my surgery at home taking care of me and the house. And that's when I needed him the most. In the hospital I slept the entire first day and night and when he was there it was hard for me to sleep as I felt I needed to stay awake to visit with him. And then when he came up the next day with my children, I was more alert etc and up and about but needed some rest then too. And then I went home. But this is only how I felt and what I Felt I needed the most.

Hi Kathy,

My DH was given a total of 5 days, if needed, to spend time with me.

He spent my day of surgery with me in the hospital. I was sooooo out of it I hardly knew he was there at all. I was in the hospital for 2 whole days following surgery, discharged on the 3rd morning.

My first day post-op was spent just trying to get out of bed to pee, to wander the hall way, and to try to eat without being totally exhausted. I napped a lot and didn't need company. DH worked and came to visit after work for 2 hours, which was about all I could handle.

Day 2 I was much more with it and mobile. I wandered a lot. Visited with other patients and with other visitors who were "seeing" patients who were napping. Again, my DH worked and visited for 4 hours after work. I knew that day I was going home the next morning.

My DH took my discharge day off work to be with me, and the 2 following days. (My family all lives elsewhere) I was really happy to have him at home with me because I needed the help me just to get around, shower, etc. I felt I needed the company more at home because in the hospital I was either too sick or tired to care, or I found other people to talk to - at home I am alone.

I hope all goes well for you!
,
Sandra

Kathy,

Are you absolutely sure you'll be in the hospital 3 days for removal of ovary? I had a TAH and was told by the pre-op nurse to expect a minimum of 3 day stay, but I actually went home after less than 48 hours.

Is it at all possible he can take some of this vacation as half-days? That way he could be at the hospital a few hours a day and then have more time with you after you've been released. I don't think it's necessary to have him at the hospital all day long, and where I live , visiting hours don't begin until 11:00 am.

How often does he attend night class? Most people don't go every night, so how much would he actually miss if you did stay the full 3 days and he missed school? Could the instructor give him notes, tell him the assignments in advance? I think the instructor would understand, considering the circumstances.

In my case, my husband came for surgery day; the next day only at night; and I only needed him home for 2 days. A friend helped out the 3rd day, - by this time it was Friday (surgery was on Monday), and then he was with me on the weekend. After that I was on my own and did fine. Praying for you that all is well!

Hi Kathy,

I had my surgery on Wednesday, went home Saturday AM. DH took Wednesday off, then worked Thurs and Fri. He'd stop in to see me on his way to office then come in the evenings for a little while.

During the days, I was happy to not have to "entertain" - even if it was my DH. And the visits in the evening were enough. He'd bring my boys (they were 10 and 14 at the time) and an hour was about enough. I was glad to see them, but just as glad to be able to sleep some more.

Since I came home on Saturday - he obviously had that day and Sunday. He took Monday off and by Tuesday I felt like I was ok by myself. He went in a little later than usual, and with my boys coming home from school I was only by myself for about 5-6 hours. Neighbors are close and DH called frequently.

Bottom line, my personal opinion is to take the time off after you are home. While you are at the castle, you'll be sleeping a lot and not really feel like seeing too many people - at least for an extended period of time.

Best wishes!

Here's how we did it...

My hub was lucky enough to have several weeks of vacation - he took off the day of surgery, but worked short days for the rest of the time I was in hospital. Let's face it....the first day I hardly remember anyway, and the second day the morphine PCA kept me in la-la land for most of the time

I was fine on my own in the hospital, and he called every couple of hours anyway...to be honest, it was actually kind of nice to have some peace and quiet!

The last day, he left work at around 3pm, after I'd called to tell him I wanted was being released early for good behaviour (Ok, I'm kidding there - I actually had to convince them to let me go home on Day 3, cos they wanted to keep me another night. Hmph).

All in all, I second the response that said it was actually quite a relief not to have to "entertain", even my darling husband.

It's all your personal preference though. Some of us can do quite nicely without 'em, and some of us like to have them with us the whole time. I'm sure you'll come to the right choice for you though!

Many s for a smooth surgery and recovery

Tess

I had a TAH but i got to keep my ovaries YEA!! : I was in the hospital for 4 nites, left on the 5th morning. I was so tired and drugged up from my meds that I actually perferred to have my DH at my disposal by telephone. He was there when they brought me up to the room after surgery and we talked on the teley about 3 times a day.

Between my mom visiting the first day, she lives 3 hrs. away so she stayed all day, helping me with all the firsts - walking, sponge bathing, eating, not puking etc.... my children the 2nd. day - which was exausting but enjoyable, I was ready for a day of complete rest. The 4th day I had to walk every couple hrs. and get things moving so I could be gone on the next morning, so there were walks, naps, walks, naps,....then my best cousin and an aunt and uncle came to visit. Plus my girlfriend had her DD by emergency C-section just 5 floors below me so the BC and I made the trek down in a wheelchair - QUITE the experience Honestly I was ready to go home and just rest with my DH and be alone.

I chose that I had these visitors and they all called and made sure it was a "good time" to come - I urge you to have any visitors also make that call before they come up, especially if you have a TAH.

So the point of my rambling is that the hospital stay is quite busy and very exhausting. I think that you would much rather have your DH at home with you. You'll need him every inch of the way - TRUST ME !!! Even he has to be gone at night, mine works the 4pm to midnight shift, he'll be there during the important day hours when you will need him the most.
By the time evening comes around you'll be ready to crash on the couch.

good luck to you and heal well my sister
Marie

My surgery was on a Wednesday, DH took that day and the following two days off to be with me. I have a 8 & 10 yr old at home, but my MIL took care of them for me. Our intentions were for him to return to work the day after my surgery, but I am told that when I was put back in my room after recovery all I did was cry for him not to leave. I was told by a close friend and my sister that all I did for a few hours was call for him to hold me. As you may guess, my DH and I are very, very close. He said after seeing how I look when I came back from surgery and the way I keep calling for him, there was no way he ways leaving that hospital without me. He spent every nite with me and he only left to come home and shower and change. I was released on the Friday morning and had the weekend to recover a little before he returned to work on Monday. It worked out great for us that way. The Monday after hubby and kids left, all I had to do was rest and recover............I hope and pray things go well for you. Each of us are different, but I am sure you will do well. 's

Good Luck and God Bless

Cajunlady

Hi there! Well, it seems to be that we all agree that the DH is needed mostly at home. The nurses are there at the castle to take care of you so I would save his vacation time to be home with you as much as possible. I was fortunate because my husband's boss let him take off a full 2 weeks. He was always there to do whatever was needed. He did the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and took our 3 year old to the library several times. However, he's not real good at "dressing" our 3 year old so she was doing it herself (!) Anyway, he decided to take her to the Olive Garden for their lunch one day (after she dressed herself and had her coat on) and when she went to take off her coat she was wearing a spaghetti strap tank top that belongs to her 10 year old sister so it was huge and it was in December! It was about 15 degrees. He was like "keep your coat on, keep your coat on!" It's funny now and I can give him a hard time about it.

Anyway, back to the subject. I think you are going to appreciate it if he can be home with you. The more the better. Good luck to you and God Bless you on your surgery date and there after.

I am scheduled 2/11 for TAH/BSO and bladder tack. I am lucky in that I am the first scheduled case of the day, so DH has planned to take that morning off, staying at the castle until I have returned to my room and then going to work for the afternoon, at least for a few hours if nothing else for a bit of stress relief for him. He will work while I am in the castle, come and visit me after work, and then be home for about 3 days (plus weekend time) when I am home.
My feelings were that I would be "out of it" the first day anyway, and he's gonna need to be de-stressed a bit. As for my stay at the castle, other than keeping me company, there isn't much he is going to be able to do........ that's what the nurses get paid for

Good luck
MissSugar