I feel so lost...........

Forgive me for coming here to vent again......I have no where else to turn.

I have lost everythng since my hyst in June and I don't know what I am going to do.

I have lost most of my friends (who needs those friends anyway I tell myself), my marriage, my dh, he is gone now in the war and I ask myself..why do I care? I just had ,1 week ago, what I hope to be my last surgery. Physically, I actually feel pretty good, the best I have felt in a very long time. But emotionally I am totally lost.

I thought I had kicked this. Before my surgery, I was doing so well. I had my head on straight, I had a plan and I was okay with everything. But now................

The bank is coming to take my car in two weeks............(a bankruptcy deal that my DH did before he left, but he was supposed to have made arrangements for me to keep my car BUT he hasn't). That totally blows everything for me! I had planned to get a job and save money to go back to school and finish my RN and get a little apartment after our divorce and sale of the house so I could afford to do school and raise my girls. Now I won't be able to get a job because I won't have a car and won't be able to get a car because I won't have a job. I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't get any sort of aid, I've already checked into it because of the house we own is considered an asset and puts me in too high a bracket for state aid.

I'm just at a loss and don't know what to do. I know none of you ladies can help me and that's not what I want, I just really need to vent. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out and my mom calls and can tell I'm crying. We've never had a good relationship, she was always an alcoholic and still is. So she says, I can tell you are upset, I'll let you go. NOT what's wrong, do you need to talk? or anything. I shouldn't have expected anything else. So I have no family here, unless you count my mom who isn't now and never has been any help and very few friends.

I want to cry when I look at my girls because I feel like I am letting them down. My dh isn't sending any money home, so I HAVE to get a job somehow, some way. HE was just sent overseas 2 days ago but before he left he took the time to call around to my utilities and make arrangements to have them all disconnected, I wouldnt have known but the cable company came out and I was here because of my surgery and then I called around and he had done it with some of the others too, He did this just to be crappy. I'm having a hard enough time, I sure don't need his help to make things any worse.

Today, I need to go to the store but can't find a friend who can take me ( because THEY all have jobs) so I decide to drive myself even though I'm not supposed to drive for 2 weeks. I get in my car and I have a dead battery! Why does it seem like NOTHING in my life works anymore?

Everyone has such faith in me, that I am so strong and I can make it, problem is...I don't know how I'm gonna do it! Im sure I'll be just fine and maybe right now I am just feeling sorry for myself. I know I just needed to get this off my chest, it usually makes me feel a little better. Any hugs or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. This web site sure has helped me through some rough times. I always feel guilty for coming here and pouring out my heart and personal business (always made my dh mad that I discussed personal business with ANYONE) but it seems to be the only way that I can maintain some semblence of sanilty. I hope ya'll understand.

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm sorry that I don't respond to as many posts as I used to but I kind of feel like I'm not in any position to be giving out advice, but I try to offer s when I can.

Dawn

I don't know what to say, except I wish I could give you a in person. What kind of person can be so cruel? I don't really have advice that wouldnt sound stereotypic. I can only say I hope you find peace soon, and that things fall into place for you. I too find comfort here, even if it only to vent and such. We need that to keep our sanity. I'm sorry you have to deal with this right now. Hang in there.

Dear Dawn 33:
I am sorry you are not getting the support that you need. Sending you lots of s your way, and hope things look much better very soon!!
Sandy
Lavh

Dawn33, I read your post and it broke my heart that a man can do that to women, sounds like he was not thinking of the children. I was once married to a contoling miltary man. Can you check through who is head over him in the military and talk to them about the no child support. Do you have a city bus in your town? That might be the way to work and back. Or try to find a job as close to home as you can, I know I worked at a grocery store only blocks from my house and walked to work, it did'nt pay much but it was a job and a start. Hang in there and scream your head off at every agency for help. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

Hi Dawn33--

My heart goes out to you for all you are having to deal with now. I cannot begin to comprehend why your DH would not leave you taken care of while he is deployed overseas, and that he would call around and have your utilities and cable disconnected---SHAME on him!!!

Dawn, you need to dig down deep in yourself and find your strength so you can get through this...You have said yourself that you are strong woman. Do not allow your DH and his actions to make you be a victim. From your post, I see that you are a smart woman.

There has got to be someone you can call on for support---if you are a military wife can you get some counseling or support from that arena? From what I see on TV, (with this war), military families are very supportive of each other. Also, please talk with your doctor about what you are going through. You sound like you are depressed and perhaps your doc can prescribe a mild anti-depressant to help you get through these difficult times...and help you get back on track....

You are a strong and worthy woman.....and please know you have sisters here who care and support you....

Hi Dawn

You know, at least you keep being reminded of what a jerk you married and don't have to wonder if it was anything YOU did. He is a big fat jerk all by himself.

I don't know what you're going to do either. And I don't think it's going to be easy for you. What I do know is that it's lots easier when you take one thing at a time and not look at the bigger picture at times like these. I know it seems hopeless and I know it really will work out. You ARE a strong woman even though you feel weak sometimes. That is allowed.

It's OK with me if you vent here. Trust me, it's not a burden to me. I just wish you the very best.

Joselle

Hi Dawn
You can come here and vent anytime you want to... that's what we are here for. I'm sorry you are facing all of this "stuff" by yourself. It's not fair and I do believe if his military superiors knew the extent of his cruelty, you would have some money coming in and his tail would be in deep !#%* Isn't there a family services dept. on base... someone helping military families whose husbands have been deployed? I know in our area, our community is working with our local military to provide what ever assistance the families need , from financial assistance to handy work done. *Anything* the families are in need of, we are pulling together to help. You might check with your local Chamber of Commerce.
You can do this Dawn. Plant your feet, dig in your heels and when your roots have grown deep and your standing tall, your self esteem will flourish! It doesn't matter what :dragon: may come your way, we will be here to cheer you on.

love and 's Karlene

{{{{{{{Dawn}}}}}}}

Sweetie, your post broke my heart. I can't imagine having to deal with such cruelty. Since he's gone ahead and cancelled all of the utilities, why don't you sell the house? Keep half of the money in an account for him and use the other half to get you and your beautiful daughters out of there. Time to dig in and start fresh hon.

If anything comes from him about you doing this, you can certainly let him know that his superior officers wouldn't think too much of him abandoning you and your daughters in your most dire time of need. He NEEDS to pay child support. He NEEDS to support you and you are ENTITLED TO HALF of everything that involves the family home.

This is just a suggestion.... the first thing that came to my mind while I was reading your post. I am so terribly sorry for all you are having to endure. Please see if there are any military support groups around for the wives and ask for help. There is NO SHAME in asking for assistance, sweetie... especially with all that you're endured and are enduring. The only SHAME here is your dh. He SHOULD be ashamed of himself. You need to look after YOU sweetie.

We're here for you when you need to vent, we may not be next door, but we're here for you and with you as you travel this difficult road.

Bless you hon.



Love,
Debbie

I've been trying to figure out how or why my dh would be spending the little phone time that he is allowed to have to wreak havoc on my life. I realize he is a horse's patoot and that is entirely too nice a statement for him. Well, I turn on the TV tonight and the cable is turned off. I know ya'll are thinking, so what! it's cable but where we live we got no reception at all without at least basic cable. So I call the cable company and come to find out dh has given his dd who lives with his ex-wife a power of attorney and she is the one who is doing all the turning off of my utilities. I'm sure she is doing this under his and her mom's direction though, this isn't something that she would do on her own.

I'm so hurt and angry I don't know whether to scream or cry. I have made some headway with dh's Lieutenant Kernal. He called me very upset (because I emailed him and told him of my dh's antics and lack of financial support) and he is going to make sure that dh sends me some money but it could still take a while. He was very angry because he said he had already talked with my dh about this and my dh bald faced lied to him and told him he HAD been sending money home.

I have decided that I REFUSE to be the victim of this man's (he's NO man in my book) I and my girls deserve much better than what he has been dishing out. He has been putting in changes of address' for his mail to his ex-wife's house, as far as I'm concerned she can HAVE him! If she wants someone who can up and walk out on her at any time (like he has done befoe) than more power to her. (That shoould have been my first clue, but hindsight is 20/20) Okay, so I guess I AM angry! Enough is enough.

Thanks for the pep talks ladies and the reminders of what and who I'm dealing with (you can't teach an old dog new tricks). Your support has meant everything in the world to me! 's to all.

I am in need of money to pay bills and buy a vechicle and I have a garage full of heavy tools, looks like I need to have a garage sale. Forgive me for venting again ladies, but I have to do something to look out for myself and get a car so I can get a job. I am young and have a long life ahead of me. Okay, now that I have vented my head off and will probably get kicked off the board I should go now.

Thanks for listening.
Dawn

Hi Dawn

So so sorry you're still having so many trials and tribulations. You must be due for a break any time. You're well overdue!!!!

I love NorthernWolf's idea of selling the house but that's not going to happen without HIS consent. If you both own the house jointly, you'll both have to sign any legal documentation to sell. This is what happens where I live (New Zealand) but I'd imagine it's pretty much the same in USA. Pity about that though. The look on his face when he found out would be priceless.

Could you borrow some money using the house as equity just to tide you over this patch. Probably not, both of you would have to sign I guess. Could be worth investigating though.

As to the utilities.... can you not get some of them reinstated in your name. Why does it have to be his name? Why does his name carry more weight with these people than yours does? I know you don't have a job just now but when some money starts arriving from your husband won't you be able to pay for some utilities. It's just not fair from where I'm sitting, and I feel so jolly mad on your behalf. I can think of many things I'd like to do to that person you married and they'd all be painful I can tell you.

Hang in there girl. You'll get through this patch. As you say, you're so young with your whole life ahead of you and your girls. This will make you so strong in the long run but it's hard to see that now when you're still healing and so vulnerable. You'll make it though, of that I have no doubt.

Thinking of you.