Don't Know Where to Turn...

I just want to say first that I have not actually had a hysterectomy...my mother had one about 2 months ago. Actually ovaries in November, the rest in February. I guess I really just want someone to understand what I am going through. I no longer live at home actually not even in the same state. I went home for a week when my mom had the surgery and took care of her while I was there. Since November when she had the ovaries removed she began to act strangely. She would have times of confusion, and she couldn't communicate with anyone. I am sure this was a really lonely time for her and the Lord knows that I tried to do everything I could. She would have more lucid moments than not...then...she had a really rough time after her surgery because she is a light weight when it comes to Meds. She seemed to do pretty good up until about 4 weeks after her surgery. She was off the pain meds now but she was and still is having night terrors. She has also started displaying signs of severe depression and even now to the point of paranoia. She is literally afraid to leave the house and she does things compulsively (washes hands, drinks water). I don't know if all of this has to do with hormones or if maybe it is something chemically. She was having trouble absorbing some kinds of estrogen and I am not sure if they figured that out or not. When they prescribed her some meds for depression, she wouldn't take them or she would only take them occassionally...so I really doubt that she is taking the estrogen either. At any rate...have any of you had experience with this??? I just don't know what to do or where to turn. My father is there with her but other than that...no other family. She hasn't been able to go back to work and she may even lose her job. I am desperately trying to help my dad but I just don't know what to do from here. Hopefully one of you can help.

Thank you and God Bless...
Julie

Hi Julie,

I'm very sorry that your mother is going through all of this. I'm sure that as her daughter it is difficult enough, and to live a distance away only compounds the difficulty for you.

From what you're describing, it sounds as though your mother needs immediate medical, and possibly psychiatric attention. I urge you to have your mother seek crisis counseling, and if she is not willing, then perhaps your Dad could intervene and make the contact.

Any time there is severe depression and the other things that you are describing, there are many things that need to be considered, including self-infliction of bodily harm.

Best wishes and many s

It sounds to me that this is more than hormonal. Sometimes surgery, and she has had two in a short time, can trigger off other things. The Obssessive-Compulsive behaviour is often controlled by medication. Hopefully you can steer her in the direction of appropriate medical care. If your father is supportive perhaps he can speak to their family doctor in detail and get referrals to the right people.

I'm sure it is hard to deal with this at such a distance. I live thousands of miles away from my 85 year old mother and she lives alone. Of course we worry about our parents, and when our lives have unfolded in such a way that we are no longer close it presents special types of anxieties.

Joselle

Hi! I agree with the others about your mother needing immediate medical attention for her situation! I,too,had my ovaries removed last November,and had a TAH the summer of 2001 for uterine fibroids/cervical carcinoma in situ. I am not a doctor,but to me it does sound like a chemical imbalance in the brain that was touched off by either the trauma of surgery,or the loss odf the ovaries,themselves! This is serious business,especially since she is not being cooperative in taking her meds or estrogen. I am wearing the Vivelle Dot patch,which makes estrogen easier to take,being that I don't have to remember to take a pill each night. I only have to apply the patch twice a week,and let it do its work. It's soooo easy. Maybe your mother's doctor could prescribe the patch as the means of delivering estrogen. Some patches,like Climara,only need to be changed once a week! Once she's stabilized, your mother will need to always take her meds,even if it does require an intervention! Please,get your father involved in your mother's care,and do what you can reasonably do to help her. Good luck to all of you!

I just went through something similiar with my mom. She hasn't had a hyst, but she was having periods of confusion, depression, and paranoia - extreme personality changes. Then her short-term memory started going, and she couldn't remember anything I told her. When she started having hallucinations, I finally got her to go to a doctor (she didn't want to go at all, but I insisted), who immediately hosptialized her for suspected Alzheimers disease.

As it turned out though, she'd had a couple of strokes and has multi-infarct dementia. She moved into an assisted living facility last week and is now having the time of her life and is much more focused and able to remember things due to the constant contact with people, which keeps her focused in on our reality, rather than the reality created in her mind when she was alone.

Please get medical help for your mom immediately. It could be something hormonal related, but it could be something else going on.

I know how you must be feeling right now. It's hard to see things happening with your parents, and exhausting to try to deal with, but with proper medical attention, your mom should do much better and be able to function normally again.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

s,

Lisa

Hi Julie, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Surgery can be difficult on everyone in the family. Yes as there will be changes in your mother's behavior, what you are describing is very serious. You see I too had a hysterectomy 2 1/2 yrs ago. Then in Nov. 2002 I had to get my ovaries removed. I too went through a bit of depression and memory loss, but to a very small extent. Once my Dr and I found the right dosage of estrogen I feel much better though thee are still days where I feel blue. Now to answer your question I work in the mental health field, and what you are describing is Bipolar Disorder= Heavy depression. Wjat your father needs to do is bring her back to her family Dr. and insist that your mother get evaluated by a Physciatric at a Menatl Health office or at the hospital. There is medication for this type of depression.If you need more info go to the internet and look up Bipolar Disorder, I think you will find this very helpful. Please let me know how it goes, Thinking of You Jocelyn.

E-mail addy is jjjorgensen@shaw.ca

If you e-mail me put something in your name to let me know it's concerning this so that I don't open junk mail.

IE: Juliemom Take Care and God Bless

Hi Julie. You didn't say how old your mother is. I took care of my mom in the last year of her life and it was very difficult. She was 85 and had some pretty difficult moments to deal with. I'm with all the others in here, get your dad to get medical help for her immediately. It could be something as simple as her needing to adjust hormones and getting on some kind of regular meds for depression or could be something more complicated. Only a doctor can tell you that.
If you can go with your parents to the doc's office, it would be good, but I guess that depends on your schedule and how far you live from them. It's tough when you know your family needs help and you can't always be there. It gets very complicated when you have your own family to deal with and a job you must go to. It's tough being the caregiver to your parents. My heart goes out to you.
Good luck and I hope you find some answers.
Shirley

Julie, I am sure this is more than just hormones, but I thought I'd tell you this. I am 51 and started menopause at 45. the last several years have been pure hell for me as my hormones raged. I have had memory problems like I couldn't believe (and was actually tested for Alzheimer's!) and the exhaustion has been something else. Throw in some depression and what a mess. It took them almost 2 years to figure out I was hypothyroid. Now I'm not saying that is your mom's problem, but it seems to me that when the hormones (and thyroid is a hormone) are out of whack, it may seem like mental illness. I thought I was going nuts and for me, the male doctors just blew it off as "stress" or "depression." I have changed to all female doctors and all in the same clinic. so I see a gyne., a GP and an endrocrinologist. They share my file and it really helps that all of them know everything that is going on with me. Also, remember that memory problems are a part of menopause--something I didn't know. I was also unable to work for almost 2 years because of it.
so, please try to get your mom in to her dr. and make sure your dad can explain things thoroughly. I have been taking my DH with me to all my appointments for the last 5 years because I couldn't remember a thing when I got out of there. He took notes so we could discuss things the next time my mind came back.
good luck and
big s

Hi! Thanks for mentioning the link to hypothyroidism,memory loss,and menopause!! I am 43,recently had a BSO due to large cysts on the right ovary,and am hypothyroid from birth! I am on ERT(Vivelle Dot,.05mg)since November '02. Lately,my short-term memory is terrible!! I had a TAH in July,2001;but if I had known how short a time my ovaries would continue to function,I'd have had them out with the hyst. But they were working,so I wanted very much to retain them,thinking that I would have a long adjustment period for the ERT. I put things down,accuse others of moving them,think I've left things where I can't get to them,or lost them for good. It's embarrassing,and frustrating!!!! Sometimes,I DO think I'm losing my mind!!!!! It's heartening to know that I'm NOT the only one who has felt like this,but it doesn't make it go AWAY,either. I have an appointment with my gyn later this month. For sure I'm going to mention these things when she asks how I feel with the ERT. I also have sleep disturbances associated with menopause. It takes LONGER to fall asleep,and my sleep is easily broken for no apparent reason. This also makes it harder to get up when I have to,because it seems the alarm has gone off TOO SOON!!!! Menopause! YUK!!!! I do take pleasure in not having a period,anymore,or tender breasts and all that goes with menstruation,but sometimes the flip side is not as great as it seemed BEFORE the hyst!!!!!