Oh Jenny... I can almost feel the pain in your post ! It is so disheartening to live every day with the pain and other effects of these illness that torture us. And feeling that there is only one way to truly improve your life, a way that you are NOT ready for... makes it all seem hopeless at times. Our problems are different, but I really feel from reading your words, that the pain and resentment is very much the same.
I suffer from endometriosis, and have been told that the only "cure" is a hysterectomy. I'm a bit older than you are, (I'm 35) and have one child. I would love to have more, but hope gets weaker everyday. I told my doctor after he gave me some options of treatment, that I would prefer the "magic wand" treatment ! I would rather just wake up in the morning and NOT have to deal with this. Then, of course, I see, or hear of others who suffer so much more..... those who suffer greater pain of the same illness that I have, those who have so much, even their lives taken by illness (such as cancer), those who are unable to have even one child and desperately want one.... and realize that I am, although I do feel a mess very often, so very blessed. This realization does not take away my pain, neither physical nor emotional, it only adds pain for others suffering and guilt to it.
I do NOT want to have my insides taken out ! The finality that comes with that surgery is something that I do not feel emotionally ready for. Then I feel.... well hmmm, just WHY am I unable to commit to something that would most likely improve my quality of life? All of this leaves me more confused and helpless feeling than ever. It's viscious !
I don't know, maybe these feelings are nothing like what you are going through.... maybe it was the way that I perceived your words, or just the overshadowing of my own inner struggles as I read your post. Please feel free to email me if you would like to just let your feelings out! I'm here to listen.... don't know that I would have any advice, or words of wisdom, (other than agreeing that a second opinion would be beneficial) , but I can listen, and offer you this....
Best wishes for comfort and peace !