I cry for no reason at all

My date is only 7 days away. Going for TAH/ possible BSO and now I just heard from my doc that they might have to do something to my bladder and of course get rid of as many of the adhesions they can find. I haven't been taking any kind of hormones and I have had my regular( 20 days out of the month , with about 10 of them where I cannot go to work) menses. But the closer I get to the day, the more emotional I seem to be getting. I cry at shows, commercials, a pretty sunset, in frustration, pretty much all the time I am on the verge. Let me tell you, I am not able to express my emotions very openly, never have been. My friends and family are always saying they can't read me. I wish I could be like them and open up to someone. But my main problem right now is since I am not one of those people, you can only imagine how I feel when I try to return something at the store and burst into tears when they don't have a replacement...lol! I have no control....not liking it at all. I am really scared that when I have the surgery and my ovaries go to that this is how I will be. Is it?
And because I feel so out of control, I am isolating myself as much as possible because I don't know how to express myself. Than because I choose to isolate myself, I get upset because no one tries to listen, but thry are. I am the one who tells them to leave me be, pretty ironic. See, rationally I can read this and I know what I would tell any one else to dobut, realistically I don't think I can. I feel guilty because I can only think about what is happening to me. It is all I can do to get through the day in the fog of pain meds.
sorry this so long,but I was nice and calm and now a week to go and I feel myself unravaling(sp).And that is not something that I am used to at all. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank the woman who started this site and all the wonderful sisters that answer any question.....

Oh, Sweetie

Are you getting yourself all worked up out of fear? This is what everyone means when we say that the waiting is the hardest part. It's so true. I wish I could give you a hug and assure you everything will be alright.

Maybe you could stop by chat sometime and talk to your sisters in 'real time'. They are all the most wonderful group of women - You'll receive so much support.

Perhaps when you're post-op, your doctor will start you on hormones and they'll help you maintain a healthy balance.

I know it's hard to open up to people - but look at the fabulous job you did here. Everyone here has different emotions going in to surgery...Anytime you need to talk, we'll be here.



HollyG

((((dkremm))))

You poor darling. First of all, it's OK to cry. You are not crying "for no reason." You are crying because it's one way for emotions to escape, and you definitely have the right to be emotional.

Secondly, seems to me that you're doing a GOOD job of opening up....posting on these boards is a very good way to open up to people who can relate to what you are going through. Sometimes, even though we know our friends and family love us, and care about us, they DON'T know what to say (or not to say), especially on topics like this one.

Keep opening up....even if it's only a cyber-shoulder to cry on, hey! whatever works.

Take care of yourself....sometimes a hot bath and glass of wine can work wonders.

Cheers and peace, Melissa

(((Hugs))) to you, sweetie,

Hang in there. Don't feel bad about crying and being upset and not knowing how to express yourself. I was a mess the week before surgery - moody, teary, just not myself at all, so I can relate. First of all, this is major surgery and I'm sure that's on your mind. Secondly, there's a grief process involved in loosing a part of your body - especially this part, for women, even if it's caused pain and suffering for a long time (been there, done that). Thirdly, the waiting for the surgery date is HARD!! Many of us have had that as well. Please feel free to come in anytime, post, vent, let us know what you're thinking,feeling,concerned about. We know because we've been there,done that, and you're on your way to that same place, so you'll be able to relate to others and help them as well. I felt like no one fully understood what I was going through - before and after surgery - until I found this site. This is where I got the support,encouragement, caring, information and help I needed postop. I didn't find this site until 2 wks. postop, but hey, I'm here now and hooked for life,lol. I wish I was with you, could give you a hug, take you out for lunch/shopping,share time with you. Just do something really nice for yourself - pamper yourself. Post often to let us know how you're doing and know that what you're experiencing is normal - just not knowing how you'll do postop is scary and makes you wonder. You're going to do fine, though, and the good thing is NO MORE PERIODS,CRAMPS,PADS,TAMPONS,ETC.YEAH!!!That part I dont' miss at all and neither will you. Talk to your doctor ahead of time about the hormone stuff and see what he/she recommends. Also, take a trip to the hormone jungle thread on this site - lots of good information there for you, to help you ahead of time. Sweet dreams,sweetie. If you're having lots of problems now, please call your doctor and tell him/her. You may need something to get you calmed down and help you sleep better before your surgery. IT's ok to do that when you need to, lots of us do. Keep us posted, we care about you and how you're doing. God bless.
DebraDeeH

this is my opinion;always get medical advice from a doctor

Hi dkremm,

I'm an April First'er, just like you...the wait is almost over hon, just a little bit more to go.

Everyone's different in how they handle things, and you are not doing anything wrong. If you feel like crying, let it all out. Do what you need to do, you don't need to explain that to anyone.

It's tough being in a lot of pain, like you, I've been having to take pain meds and I'm sick of it. I have a couple good days, and then BAM. I'm so tired all the time already, I think I'll not want to be in bed once I'm finally feeling better. My butt is tired of the mattress and we've not even started!! :-)

Just push your way through the day and mark it off on the calendar. One by one, and you'll make it through this.

For me, I've gotten "snappy" and I'm not usually like that. It's just that now, I have no patience for problems. None at all, don't bother me!! You know?? I've put myself in time-out, lol, so much in the last week. And then, what? I can't watch the news, as it is freaking me out, so I have become a FoodNetwork-aholic. God bless satellite tv... I was on a cleaning binge but made myself tired and hurting and sore so I stopped that...

Hey, my goal is, that I won't forget to do the important stuff like feeding the animals and the kids and the husband, and then once I have the surgery, I am going to concentrate on getting better so I can enjoy the "NEW ME".

We'll be throwing a virtual Princess party in no time, post-op!

Hang in there, dkremm...lots of us April Foolers out there....and we are all going to get through it together....

You have yourself a good day today.

Thank you all for the support. It is easier to vent on lline when no one can see you. My DW sometimes comes in and looks at the posts, but she just wonders why I woould stress my self out to read about others. She does not get thats it does help sometimes. Somehow I figured it woould be easier for her to cope because she at least has the same inner working as me, but she claims she cannot relate. Lucky her, she has her menses 3 eays each month around the same time and I don't think this girl has ever experienced a cramp in her life. I love her dearly so I try to understand this is proboblly her way of dealing with the scariness of the whole thing. But the few friends I have are being very supportive and so is she, But, I am trying to understand that she is scared too.Yesterday went for my pre-op cleareance and Thurs to the hospital for the pre-op stuff there. Friday is my last day of work, I figured by tjre time Monday came around I won't be much fun to live with , let alone work with....lol.
Again, thanks so much to all. Just the fact that someone reads anf answers theses posts makes me feel calmer , not much but I am working oon it.
Good luck to all woth their operations amd advancing to pincesses, I will be joining you all on the other side....