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Hysterectomy: My Childless Wound

From the Emotion Health - Grief - Depression Articles List

I have a wound from being childlessI'm feeling very alone. I have dealt with infertility issues all of my married life. Recently I had a total laparoscopic hysterectomy with removal of the ovaries. The decision to have the surgery was hard but I knew it was what needed to happen due to the problems I was having. Since the surgery I have done very well and have felt better than I had felt in years. However, after I had a dream that I was pregnant I began to have crying episodes but it only lasted a day. Other than that I have had no issues with the grief and in many ways I felt lighter and I had a sense of peace and felt free to focus on other things in my life other than if God was going to surprise us with a baby.

That was until my teen niece announced that she is pregnant. Since then I have been a mess and in such agony! I just do not understand why teenagers are permitted to have a baby but a happily married couple can not. I can deal with others having a baby but it is different when it is someone so close. I feel like my scab on my wound has been ripped off and salt poured in. Now I have to watch my niece as she goes through her pregnancy and the birth of the baby. All the while wondering why her and not me!

I seem to be having great difficulty not obsessing over this and getting back into my life it is just so painful! I feel all alone, although my husband is supportive he just doesn't understand why I can't let go. I'm hoping by posting I won't feel so alone.

Only the HysterSisters.com members can respond with eloquence for this moment. They are big hearted women who share your pain. Listen to their words of caring and wisdom:

"I am so sorry your having to go through this and glad you have this site to reach out to people who know what you're going through. I've struggled a lott with the why me and how could this happen to me questions and still have no answers, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone."

"I had my uterus removed due to severe adenomyosis. Some nights I get so depressed thinking about my situation and some nights I'm ok about it. I feel your pain about close family members getting pregnant. I want to be happy for them, yet I get so mad that God handed me these cards to play with, you know?"

"I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. But believe me you are NOT alone. There are so many going through the same thing. I would like to tell you it gets easy but i'm still waiting also. I"m single and no children. My family has not been as supportive as I was thinking they would be. All the women at work talk about is having children and one just had a baby. While i'm very happy for her and glad she woulc have one cause she has had lots of problems, it still hurts me. But she is very kind and supportive to me. "

"People are just hardwired to expect people my age to have kids, or be at least expecting, and then you see all these other people/friends/relatives expecting. And then they cannot stop talking about their kids as they are growing! And, those who are sympathetic try to "help" by suggesting adoption. So, I know how difficult it is emotionally. Definitely talk it out with a counselor or at least vent here. Our feelings are valid and it can be so hard to feel alone and forgotten or overlooked in our society, where babies and family are exalted and discussed daily."

"The only thing that has helped me is my pets. I enjoy caring for my "furry kids" and it helps me have a topic to talk about with others. I have learned to appreciate the path my life has taken, but it is something that takes work to stay positive. You are a valuable and unique person, and you can find your way to a happy future. Please don't feel you are alone, seek out love, and never never give up!"

"I have to say that becoming a part of the Hysters Sisters community really went a long way to helping me find my way through both the physical pain and the emotional pain. I thought I would get over the emotional part as I did the physical part. What I learned through the shared stories here is how to get through it...each day. And each day has led me through a month, and each month through another year. As someone told me not long after my post-op, 'You have suffered a great loss and you must allow yourself time to grieve.'"

"I understand your pain. I have a very close friend that is pregnant and what I have been doing is living her pregnancy as it will be mine. I call her everyday, I am planning in doing a baby shower. I cannot wait to hold it, in other words instead of having this feeling swallow me I am going to rejoice with all my close relatives and friends that do have babies. I am kind of liking it because i am only with them for the good I give them back their baby and we have peace at home."

"My best friend was pregnant and it upset me. Then I realized something. I COULD be happy for her AND be sad for us. It was ok. The next time I talked to her I told her this "I need you to know two things: one.. I'm super happy for you. And two... I'm super sad for me... So I propose this: I want to hear about baby things... But please don't feel bad if I start to cry. Let me finish....and then you can go on."

"You've been through so much. I'm so proud of you for having the courage to post this. It's OK for you to feel what you're feeling, and it's OK for you to be feeling like this. It sounds like you're pretty "aware" of your own reactions. Maybe you can use this to your advantage in this case by consciously thinking about other things to avoid the obsessing over the pregnancy. You might also consider some counseling, since this has been going on for a while. You deserve to feel better."

This content was written by staff of HysterSisters.com by non-medical professionals based on discussions, resources and input from other patients for the purpose of patient-to-patient support.

04-22-2011 - 09:51 PM


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