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Real Truth with a Wink

From the Princess Stories Articles List

Medical terms can be so hard to remember, especially after you’ve been punctured and that brain fog has settled in. Want the real truth? Here it is:

First of all you will notice that the dress they give you to put on just covers the front. This is okay, except do not turn around. I suspect they provide this kind of PJ to keep you in bed. The hospital people will strap you to a bed on wheels and stick an owwwie in your hand or arm. Just as you start to see fuzzy, people all dressed up in blue and green sweats with blue shower caps come wandering into the room with you. You may think they are holding you up since they are wearing face masks, but this is just to keep you from smelling their breath or noticing they didn't brush their teeth. Be grateful!

You fall asleep in broad daylight, strapped to this table on wheels. While you are asleep they open up your belly, clip some pecan looking things from underneath all the spaghetti looking noodles. They clip the flattened melon thingee and tie down the straps to the whatchamacallits. They might yank the bladder up and tie it to a rib or two. The doctor then closes up your belly first using cross-stitches in various colors on the inside and on the outside staples from a teacher's desk stapler. I am sure needlework class is a required course in doctor school. When you wake up you notice that a silly looking straw is sticking out of your whatsit and is attached to a baggie for potty time. When you wake up you eat nothing, drink nothing and sleep a lot. In fact sleep is a good thing, even in the daytime. You'll still need pads for a while for the red and brown stuff that comes from the thingee. The nurse will try to get you up and out of bed. Be very careful. This is a trick. Your front half is covered but your backside isn't. After a few days of attempting to walk to the bathroom and down the hall they send you home to try to do this at home. Be sure and buy nightgowns and pj's with fronts and backs. Your thingee-majigs will hurt and be tender for a while, but rest and you will get better faster. Your whiz-bangs will feel better soon and at about 6 weeks, your doctor will tell you that you look GOOD. Aren't you glad you asked me? (Kathy)


Yes, this is the case at times. But then again if they really feel creative and maybe a little bored with the same old thing. They knock you out (luckily!) then say to each other, OK let's see how many different ways we can position this body, maybe twist it a little here, them lift this end up some more here, then let's see if we can go in from a different area and cut our way to whatever seems to be the problem, if something gets in the way, cut it out or clip it out of the way for later tacking. And when we get done clipping away, let's pull up and tighten, then tack some of these other areas to maybe make things interesting.

You were right, with both of us doing the surgery it only took a little over 2 hours we CAN make the noon tee time! (Yolanda)


You forgot about the firey furnace(hot flashes). I swear the temp in my hospital room had to be around 140 degrees!LOL (Lou)

04-12-2003 - 11:30 AM


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