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I am all right 02-18-2005 - 09:13 AM
Dear sisters
I am doing ok. I am just overwhelmed frustrated, financially stressed, tired of not being healed, tired of medical problems. As you can see, I am just totally frustrated with life right now. I know things will get better before long. I just need space to breath and yell and whatever would make me feel better!
I got a letter from the college and I must take algebra, chemistry and biology before I can be accepted into nursing school. There goes the next two years of my life trying to pass those classes. I am beginning to realize that I may not be cut out for this college stuff at my age. Maybe I should let go of my dreams, be reasonable. I have to start with basic math and english and work my way from there. I just don't know if my desire runs that deep.
MY DH and I talked to a lawyer Tues. and our only real option is to file bankruptcy, which I don't want to. I worked my a-- off for years, including many double shifts trying to keep our finances in good order. Finally one day I could no longer do it. I had failed my family. I gave in to that terrible Aunt Flo. I was finished.
I was off of work for 12 weeks due to the critical anemia count before the surgery and the TAH and healing complications. I went back to work in July and started right back in with the 16 hour shifts. This didn't help me physically, because I was still in pain. In Sept. I had my GB out and was off for a month.Then I waws back to working alot of overtime. Things were looking up I thought. well,two months later I had problems with the rectocele and enterocele. One thing after another. I had them repaired almost 4 weeks ago and wonder what will be next. I do have a small cystocele(was small a month ago) and mild stress incontinence. SO just got to wonder what surgery will be put on me shortly down the road. I am so tired of being poked on!!!and restrictions layed on me. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
I have my post op appt next Tuesday and urologist appt next Wed. Maybe things will look brighter next week.
My family seems to think I am back to normal and can do whatever I want to now. They expect me to do the cooking, laundry,and everything I used to do. I am not supposed to be doing that until cleared!!!!


cow32323 said at 02-18-2005 - 09:45 AM
that is exactly why you shoud continue to vent here . its a release . (((HUGS)))

dont berate yourself . just do what you are able to and dont feel guilty if you cant



Aurora said at 02-18-2005 - 09:59 AM
You are dealing with such a lot, and Mei is right, that's what this site if for, for venting to help us feel better.
I can sympathize with you about the wondering if it is worth it taking classes.
I had started in an Educational Assistant course, and had taken a number of courses when I found out I needed this surgery.
By the time I had recovered, I found myself asking the same kind of questions. Is it all worth it? I had seen young women in their early 20's taking the course, and I wasn't sure if I'd have that kind of energy when I'm 49 years old right now.

It's a struggle, and it does help to vent. Please take care, I hope things start looking up for you.

s, Anne


Sweety Tweety said at 02-18-2005 - 12:10 PM
That's what we are here for & what hystersisters is for a place for us to come to support one another & learn from one another as well as a place for us to vent. It does not do any good to hold it any...

Don't give up on your dreams... If you really want to go back to school... don't give up... Don't let your age stand in your way. I really admire people who go back to school. Some day I hope to as well. I will be one of those as well having to take the basics over. Hang in their!



Moonchime said at 02-18-2005 - 09:25 PM
Hi mtdewpeg. I am glad that you made this journal entry. I know you are frustrated. I would be too if I were you. Heck, I am frustrated too. Sometimes I wish I had never had this surgery. Then I remember that I didn't choose to have it--I had to have it.

It is awfully frustrating to have everyone around you thinking that you should be totally fine and dandy now. I have come to the conclusion, that there is no such thing as ever being as we were before our problems took us all the way to having to have a hysterectomy.

I'm beginning to realize that I will never return to being "normal" whatever that was. I have to get used to a new "normal" way of living. And it really stinks! I'm not one bit happy about it. Sometimes I am downright overwhelmed and depressed.

But please don't stop journaling. The reason we have this wonderful journaling community is to help record what we are going through. It is therapeutic. And there is always someone out there who can relate.

But, best of all there are wonderful women here who truly can understand and we truly care for each other.

Please don't let go of your journal--and don't let go of your dreams. Never let your dreams die. They are what help us get through all of the rough times in life.

Many S and ers,~Moonchime


Shireen said at 02-19-2005 - 01:03 AM
I am so glad you made a new entry. I felt terrible and was worried about you. I agree, don't give up and for sure don't give up on school. My mom will be 60 in June and is working towards her masters. She took basic math 3 times and failed the test by 2pts each time. She was so upset. She finally got a waver to pass. She is so smart, but felt she should give up because of the math. She kept plugging away and has her BA in English and minor in French. I know I will have to wait my turn to finish school and start all over. It's scary and if I never use it oh well, at least it was an accomplishment. I kow you can do it. Take one class at a time if you have to. I totally understand about the bankruptcy. My ex and I were young and stupid, in the military and poor. Took ten yrs to come off my record. I was remarried, 2yrs later new DH and I had to file and forclose on our house(my salon was in the basement) due to me getting sick, having to quit my job and giving up the house. We decided to pay everything off. so a total of 5years. and april2006 we will have paid off. Totaql stress. If you fon't have it, you don't get it.
You hang in there, we are all here to talk to you.





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